


Wild Roses

by adolescentlycan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Former Teacher-Student Relationship, Have I Tagged Enough Angst?, Hurt/Comfort, Like...Buckle Up Because Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26436319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adolescentlycan/pseuds/adolescentlycan
Summary: Hashirama arranges a marriage between the Uchiha and Senju clans. He offers up his younger brother but insists Tobirama have the freedom to choose who he'll wed.There's only one Uchiha that Tobirama can imagine trusting.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama & Uchiha Kagami, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Kagami
Comments: 145
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Figgyfan14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Figgyfan14/gifts).



> Hey ya'll. Before we dive in, let's establish some context. 
> 
> This story starts near the end of Hashirama's life. That puts Tobirama in his late thirties. I'm choosing to make Kagami older than he probably was in canon; he's in his early twenties here. There's a sizable age gap. Tobirama was also Kagami's former teacher. If that kind of thing bothers you, this piece isn't going to be your cup of tea. 
> 
> *points to the canonical character death tag* That's for Hashirama. He does not have much longer for this world if this chapter doesn't make that clear. This is also the only chapter that will be from his POV. After this, chapters are going to be a lot longer and we're going to be very firmly in KagaTobi land. Hashirama is just here to give us some context before dipping out. 
> 
> Alright that probably covers it all. Please enjoy.

As Hashirama forces a smile to remain affixed on his face, he can think of nothing but how tired he is. His spine aches from the effort of sitting up straight as his mokuton hums just beneath his skin like a swarm of bees, wanting to heal. If only it could be so simple. 

The three Uchiha elders sitting across from him in the small, humid room are equally poised, their expressions stoic. They wish to gain as much as can be gained from these negotiations while offering as little as possible in return, all without giving reason for offense. In an age so long ago it now feels like it belongs to a different lifetime, Hashirama loved playing these games, of negotiating and charming, of offering honey sweet smiles and gently persuading others to see an issue his way. Now it all feels tiresome.

The Uchiha do not ask if Hashirama has come to them to negotiate in his role as hokage or head of the Senju clan. In the end, it hardly matters. 

“So we have an agreement,” Hashirama says, projecting confidence, warmth, a self-assured demeanor that masks how desperately he wants this: another chance at peace with the Uchiha. He’s realized that it has not been enough for Senju and Uchiha to simply exist together. They must do more. 

The most respected elder (Hashirama, terrible with names, can’t recall if he’s ever been introduced to the man prior to today’s meeting) nods. “We do,” he confirms. 

The wording is drafted. Hashirama should argue more, he knows. He’s letting the Uchiha dictate the terms of the arrangement far too much, letting them offer far too little in return, but he doesn’t have the energy to squabble over small details. He focuses on the things that are most important to him, on carefully choosing his battles. 

The elders are firm in not providing a woman from their clan. They will not allow a Senju child to be born with the sharingan and see the Uchiha lose control of their precious kekkei genkai. This hardly concerns Hashirama. He knows his brother prefers the company of men. 

Hashirama does insist that Tobirama be allowed to choose the Uchiha man he’ll wed. The elders balk at this demand, but Hashirama holds firm. No one who’s already betrothed to another, he assures them. But Tobirama will be allowed to choose. 

It’s a small kindness to allow his brother to choose the person he’ll spend the rest of his life with. It was more than Butsuma gave Hashirama when he brokered a marriage with the Uzumaki clan, but then again Tobirama would say that it’s unfair to compare the two. Hashirama has always loved Mito. 

Finally, an agreement is reached that satisfies all parties. Hashirama affixes his signature to two scrolls, one for the Uchiha, the other for the Senju. He promises the elders that Tobirama will make his decision within a week. And then, deciding the use of chakra will tire him less than the long walk back to his apartment, he _shunshins_ himself home. 

Hashirama enters his apartment and senses Tobirama still awake despite the late hour. His brother has always resided with them. Hashirama has depended on his presence in assisting with official duties, and Mito as well in helping raise their children. Perhaps that will change now and his brother will want a place of his own. Hashirama wouldn’t blame him, though he would miss his brother’s constant presence more than words could capture. 

He enters Tobirama’s room and gently places the scroll on his brother’s desk. “Let me know if you have questions,” he says softly before retiring to his own study. It’s not that he’s trying to hide from Tobirama, from the weight of the decision Hashirama has made on his behalf, but he imagines his brother will want to take his time reading. In that time, there’s so much else Hashirama knows he should be doing. Time has become even more precious now that he’s constantly aware how little he has left.

Paperwork as a whole is a responsibility he’s slowly shifted onto Tobirama. It’s easy to justify without giving himself away. His brother has a better head for numbers, for abstract ideas, for the way to capture Hashirama’s grand ideas of what it means to come together as a village into something more concrete. Hashirama would much prefer to talk, to charm, to appease, but he grudgingly recognizes the importance of the endless documents and declarations. 

It’s just that as of late, it’s been harder to keep his eyes open when he unrolls a scroll and tries to decipher its contents. More than once as of late he’s found himself walking up with parchment plastered to his wet cheek. Tobirama scolds him for his lack of discipline. 

It’s better than his brother knowing the truth. Hashirama clings to life harder than he’s clung to anything, to the seals Mito invents to stabilize his body and contain his illness, but he knows each passing day has become nothing more than borrowed time. 

He’s put so much of himself into the foundation of Konoha. Now he worries that he’s allowed too much to depend on his leadership. He’s plagued with doubts about the village’s ability to live on past him. Every day he tries to create new measures to ensure its survival. He’s worked too hard for peace for Konoha to die with him.

It’s why when Tobirama storms into his office fifteen minutes later, he allows his brother to indulge in anger even though it’s an emotion they’ve never had time for. 

“What is this?” Tobirama demands, tossing the scroll onto his desk.

Hashirama meets his brother’s narrowed eyes. He can bear the weight of Tobirama’s anger, though it’s a heavy, heavy thing that causes his chest to ache. “It’s what is necessary.”

“Necessary?”

He nods. “The Uchiha still perceive themselves as outsiders. They have not felt embraced by the village as other clans have. This will help mend their wounded pride.”

“I remind you I killed one of them. You as well.”

“Madara had been forsaken by his clan.” Hashirama wishes Tobirama wouldn’t bring up his old friend. He had to deaden his heart in order to do what was necessary; in some ways, he wonders if it’s never been able to resume beating at its normal pace. 

"But Izuna had not." Tobirama’s chakra is heavy, a coiled beast prepared to strike. It’s a reminder that Hashirama must stay calm, collected. What a shift in their roles, he thinks to himself. For Hashirama to be the level-headed one.

“Our past with their clan is bloody. All the more reason for this. If the Senju show that we’ve accepted the Uchiha, other clans will follow.” At Tobirama’s hostile expression, Hashirama continues. He’s more blunt than he ought to be with his precious younger brother, but he finds that he lacks the energy to let this outburst go on much longer. “This is what I’ve decided as your clan head and your hokage.”

The look Tobirama gives him is murderous. The red markings on his face shine against pale white skin. “Then I suppose you’ve also decided who I should choose, since you clearly see me as nothing more than a bargaining chip in all of this.”

Ah, so that is part of the reason Tobirama is so angry, Hashirama thinks. He must seem like a terrible elder brother, making such binding decisions without even consulting Tobirama, though he hopes that Tobirama will one day understand that Hashirama had his reasons and not judge him too harshly. “I have thoughts,” he says. 

Tobirama is silent, though his expression conveys at least a dozen thoughts of betrayal, of disbelief, and of anger. He seems to have forgotten that he’s not the only Senju brother who learned to play the role of a good soldier under Butsuma’s leadership. Hashirama is equally capable of doing what’s necessary, even when it doesn’t endear him to his younger brother. 

“I think you ought to choose someone you can come to love,” Hashirama offers. 

Tobirama’s response is barbed, though his expression has returned to something more neutral, to the mask he so often wears. It does not mean he’s made peace with anything, but his emotions have shifted inward. “I do not trust any Uchiha.”

Hashirama contemplates pointing out that Tobirama trusted at least one Uchiha enough to take him on as a student but decides against it. He instead sighs and folds the scroll he’d been studying. After this conversation is finished, he won’t have the energy to return back to it. He’ll have to try again tomorrow, or more likely he’ll pass it to Tobirama and ask his brother to explain it to him. “You will choose a spouse,” he says levelly. “And once you have, you can tell them. Or I, if you prefer.” 

Tobirama’s glare is a wicked thing that cuts Hashirama to the bone. “Why?”

Hashirama knows his brother poses the question more broadly. “For peace,” he says. “The Senju and Uchiha have spilled each other’s blood for generations. I’ve come to see that it’s not enough to simply exist in the same village together. We have to do more.”

He does it all for peace, a peace that he must prepare to remove himself from when his body finally fails him.

When Hashirama is gone, he’s confident that the village will honor his choice for successor. To mediate the inevitable hurt feelings, they’ll also honor his request that a council be established and that every major family be given a seat. However, there will be no place on the council for the Uchiha. Not yet. Like Tobirama, and like much of the village, he’s not sure he trusts them yet. It would be too great a show of faith too soon after one of their own nearly destroyed Konoha.

“You have children you could promise to the Uchiha,” Tobirama insists. “Would that not be a greater show of unity?”

“My children are not known to hate the Uchiha,” Hashirama points out.

“I don’t hate them, anija.”

Hashirama gives his brother a tired smile. He doesn’t have the energy for this conversation to continue much longer. Even now he has to draw from his last dregs of strength to address Tobirama. “If I asked anyone in the village how they perceive your feelings towards the Uchiha, they would not say the same.”

“I don’t care what the village-”

“Think, Tobirama.” Hashirama’s voice cuts like thorns. He doesn’t mean to reprimand his younger brother, but at the same time he’s so weary and Tobirama is choosing to be dense. “You taking an Uchiha as a spouse will do a great deal in swaying the village. Who has more reason to hate the Uchiha than the Senju? Than you and I? If the other clans see that we’ve made peace, they’ll follow.”

Hashirama can see that reason has started to reach his brother, though it does little to calm the cold fury in Tobirama’s eyes. “I am not some child to be signed away.”

No, that had been Butsuma’s role for Hashirama when he’d forged an alliance with the Uzumaki and Uzushio decades ago. Graciously, Hashirama decides not to bring up that arguing point. It doesn’t matter now. “But you are a Senju,” he reminds his brother. “And you will do what I ask.”

“You don’t ask, anija.”

Hashirama lets out a tired breath. If Tobirama wants to debate semantics, he doesn’t have it in him to fight. “You’re right. As your clan head and hokage, I am telling you this is what will be done.”

Tobirama stabs him with one last murderous look before leaving the room. 

Peace, Hashirama reminds himself. This is what he does for peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Malakia for beta-ing an earlier draft of this chapter. It's much better for having received her feedback.
> 
> If it interests you, the title of this fic comes from the Of Monsters and Men song of the same name.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See that mildly dubious consent tag? This is the chapter where it comes into play. We've got two consenting adults who are in a situation where they're really not given much of a choice (in other words - consummating an arranged marriage). There's also some implied stuff about honeypot missions and child marriage (if you squint). There's honestly just a lot of hurt and angst this chapter so...let's crack into it.

Tobirama is on the training grounds with his three young students when he senses Hashirama approaching. After a few quick words of instruction to Hiruzen, Homura, and Koharu, he disappears to meet his brother. Hashirama knows Tobirama prefers not to be interrupted when he’s working with his students, so he assumes this must be important. 

He spots Hashirama with a small boy at his side. The youth has his gaze trained firmly on the ground, his long, dark hair curling into his eyes. He doesn’t look up, not even when Hashirama rests a hand on his bony shoulder and says something to him. 

They’re still too far away for Tobirama to hear what’s being said. Enhancing his hearing with chakra to facilitate eavesdropping feels rude, so he studies their body language as he approaches. Hashirama seems to be trying to reassure the child, but the boy is stiff, unyielding. Normally Hashirama is good at disarming people, but perhaps the boy is intimidated to be alone with the hokage. 

Tobirama quickly reaches the two of them. Hashirama offers him a smile, and Tobirama tries to suppress a scowl. He’s seen his brother deploy this smile far too often. It often precedes him asking for something he knows Tobirama won’t want to give.

“This is Uchiha Kagami,” Hashirama says, foregoing a greeting. If nothing else, at least he understands that Tobirama doesn’t have time to exchange pleasantries. “Kagami, this is my brother, Tobirama.”

Kagami glances up briefly. His dark eyes are unreadable. Tobirama knows the stories the Uchiha tell him about him. He wonders what this boy is thinking. 

“Kagami is without a team,” Hashirama continues, and Tobirama doesn’t miss the way the Uchiha tenses at the statement. “I’m hoping he can join yours.” Anticipating the arguments Tobirama’s already forming, he adds, “Temporarily.”

Later, Tobirama will learn the entire story: that Kagami’s sensei and teammates were killed during an ambush on what was supposed to be a simple mission. He’ll learn that Kagami saw it all happen, that the trauma awakened the boy’s sharingan. 

He’ll learn that he’s not the first person Hashirama has asked to take Kagami on as a student. There are still far too many people in Konoha who are reluctant to trust an Uchiha, let alone who’s been bathed in misfortune. 

But all Tobirama knows now is that there’s a shy boy in front of him. It doesn’t matter that he’s an Uchiha. So he gives Hashirama a curt nod. 

Hashirama gives the boy’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You’ll listen to Tobirama, yes?” he asks. 

“Yes, Lord Hokage,” the Uchiha says to the ground. 

Having solved his problem, Hashirama doesn’t linger much longer. He understands that Tobirama will want to get back to his team without further delay, and the two of them can discuss the situation at greater length later. 

And discuss they will. Tobirama gives his elder brother a look that makes that clear. 

While he wants to get back to his other students, Tobirama feels it a worthwhile use of time to talk with Kagami before they regroup. He crouches down to the boy’s level. When the Uchiha doesn’t look up, Tobirama hooks a finger under his chin and tilts his head so their eyes meet.

“How old are you, Kagami?” he asks. 

“Thirteen.” Belatedly, the boy adds, “Tobirama-sensei.”

Tobirama would have guessed the boy was younger, though he did fight to keep children in the newly formed academy until at least the age of twelve. There are still too many graduates who are far younger than he’d like, and he’s had to reluctantly accept that child soldiers won’t be phased out in one generation. 

“My other students are your age. Are you ready to start training with them?” Tobirama asks. 

Kagami nods. There’s a spark of light behind his eyes now. Perhaps, Tobirama thinks optimistically, this is all Kagami needs: a chance to prove himself, for someone to look at him and see a boy needing a teacher, not an Uchiha deserving mistrust. “Now?” he asks. 

“Now,” Tobirama confirms, and there’s no missing the way Kagami’s face lights up. “Do you have weapons for sparring? You all can practice fighting two-on-two.”

In the blink of an eye, there are a half dozen shuriken in the Uchiha’s hands. He’s incredibly quick. “A shinobi is never unarmed,” he says, looking up to Tobirama for approval. 

Kagami becomes surprisingly talkative as they walk back to rejoin the others, telling Tobirama about how he’s been working on his own to remaster several techniques now that he has the sharingan. The increased visual prowess leads to him overcorrecting his movements, he explains, and using the dojutsu for any extended length of time drains his chakra. 

Tobirama nods along. Kagami needs only the occasional word of acknowledgment to keep going. It is interesting to hear about the sharingan; it’s something he’s wanted to study, yet he knows any Uchiha would rather die than reveal anything about their clan’s kekkei genkai. 

Well, any Uchiha besides the one who’s now temporarily under his mentorship, it would seem. 

Kagami becomes shy again when they regroup with Tobirama’s other students, but Hiruzen is relentlessly congenial and the other two follow his lead. His three students are remarkably quick to integrate Kagami into their team, finding all sorts of ways to use his speed to their advantage. 

Perhaps it’s too soon to hope, but Tobirama likes to think that teams like this will one day become not the exception but the norm, that all shinobi will set aside clan affiliation for the sake of working together, that one day they won’t have to think about clan politics when creating teams for missions. 

It only takes a few weeks for Kagami to become an integral part of Tobirama’s team. But true to his promise, Hashirama does one day broach the idea of finding a more permanent placement for the Uchiha. 

“Three students to one teacher is the ideal ratio,” Tobirama says rationally. “But I think Kagami would have a hard time adjusting to another team after losing his first and now finally settling into mine.”

And so Kagami stays. 

* * *

In the present, Tobirama finds himself oscillating between two trains of thought. 

The first is that he does not hate the Uchiha, though he could rightly blame him if he did? The Uchiha clan killed his younger brothers and countless other Senju. Uchiha Madara would have leveled the entire village if Hashirama had not stopped him, and it’s not lost on Tobirama how greatly it pained his elder brother to do what was necessary. 

Had Tobirama been strong enough, he gladly would have fought in Hashirama’s place. It’s a cruel twist of fate that Hashirama was the only person with the power needed to stop the person he once considered his dear friend. 

No, it’s inaccurate to say that Tobirama hates. He suspects. He mistrusts. But there are still plenty of Uchiha who call him the _White Demon_. The feelings of animosity are clearly mutual. 

His second train of thought, closely linked to the first, is that there isn’t a single Uchiha he trusts not to attempt to drive a knife through his back in their shared marital bed. He’d prefer not to spend the rest of his life sleeping with one eye open or checking his tea for poison. 

And so Tobirama pushes thoughts of what Hashirama has ordered him to do out of his mind and tries instead to focus on the proposed budget his elder brother has asked him to decipher and explain. But his mind refuses to stay in the orderly rows of revenue and expenses, instead circling back to the decision he’ll have to make. 

He remembers the last time Hashirama shoved an Uchiha onto him. The fact that he was willing to take Kagami on as a student should be more than enough proof that he doesn’t hate the Uchiha.

Tobirama can only accept partial credit for the skilled shinobi Kagami has grown into. As a child, he had plenty of natural talent that Tobirama only had to take care to shape. 

As of late, Hashirama has kept Tobirama in the village more often than normal. Tobirama trusts his elder brother’s judgment; if this is where he’s needed, then so be it. There are plenty of other skilled shinobi who can complete missions for the Hidden Leaf. 

A few months ago, though, Tobirama was sent out to lead a team that included a few of his former students, Kagami among them. The Uchiha had been a far cry from the scared boy Tobirama had first met, freely exchanging verbal taunts with Shimura Danzo before Tobirama finally silenced them both with a stern look. 

In battle, Kagami’s speed had nearly rivaled Tobirama’s. He was quick enough to kill the enemy at Danzo’s back before his teammate was even aware of the threat to his life. No longer a timid child, he’d faced enemy shinobi with shuriken in his hands as his eyes gleamed a fierce red. 

There had been no hesitation to protect his teammates or his village, a sense of bravery far too rare in the Uchiha clan. Tobirama took care to make sure every one of his students held Konoha’s will of fire in their hearts, but there’s no one he sees show it more strongly than Uchiha Kagami. 

Tobirama tries but fails to make much progress on the endless stack of reading Hashirama has shoved off onto him. There must be something else occupying his elder brother’s time, though he’s not sure what. Once this business with the Uchiha is settled, he’ll be able to focus again. It’ll take several late nights of reading, but Tobirama doesn’t mind the work he shoulders for Hashirama’s sake.

That night over dinner, Tobirama’s voice is level as he asks Hashirama if Uchiha Kagami is promised to someone. He already knows the answer; he’s kept an eye on all of his students even now that they’ve long since outgrown his mentorship. He’s more interested in Hashirama’s reaction to hearing the name. 

Whatever Hashirama’s thoughts may be, he hides them well. 

* * *

Kagami’s cheeks are flushed from the summer heat, unruly hair curled more tightly than normal in the oppressive humidity. If he’s surprised to be summoned to the presence of both Tobirama and Hashirama, he doesn’t show it. He bows respectfully before proceeding to sit before the both of them. 

“Kagami,” Hashirama says warmly. 

“Lord Hokage. Tobirama-sensei,” Kagami says, nodding respectfully to each of them in turn. 

Tobirama wishes the Uchiha wouldn’t remind him of the relationship they once had. 

Hashirama’s smile is gentle, his tone firm but cheerful as he explains to Kagami that the Uchiha and Senju clans have made an agreement. Tobirama, in truth, stops listening for a time as Hashirama goes on about peace, trust, and the importance of forging alliances. He wonders if this was the same speech his brother gave the Uchiha elders.

It’s only once Hashirama has sufficiently wooed Kagami with his vision of peace that he proceeds into the realm of difficult truths. “A marriage has been agreed upon,” he finally says. 

Kagami’s eyes widen a fraction at that. “A marriage,” he repeats. 

“Between yourself and my brother.” Hashirama’s smile is one of his sharpest tools. It’s able to disarm an opponent more efficiently than any weapon and has won more than one argument. 

But Kagami is silent, his expression unreadable. 

“If you wish to carry on your line, there’s no need to worry,” Hashirama continues. “So long as you wait a few years and are discreet.”

It always makes Tobirama feel uneasy that Hashirama can voice such harsh truths while maintaining that amicable smile. 

“Do you have questions, Kagami?” Hashirama asks gently. 

Kagami shakes his head. “I...no, Lord Hokage.”

The Uchiha rushes to stand when Hashirama gets to his feet. All the same, the hug the elder man gives him is a surprise. Tobirama can see it in the way he tenses. 

“I look forward to welcoming you into the Senju clan,” Hashirama says. “Now you must forgive me, but I can’t stay.”

Hashirama’s sudden absence is keenly felt when Kagami turns to face Tobirama. “Tobirama-sensei,” he begins. 

“I’m not your sensei anymore,” Tobirama corrects. 

“Tobirama,” Kagami tries. It’s clear he feels uncomfortable not attaching any title to the name. He clears his throat. The struggle to find the right words is clear. 

Unlike most people, Tobirama doesn’t try to fill the heavy silence between the two of them, though he does wish he could follow his brother’s lead and excuse himself. 

“I realized I didn’t ask,” Kagami finally says. “When is the wedding?”

“In two weeks’ time,” Tobirama says. 

“Two weeks?” Kagami repeats. 

Tobirama nods. He thinks about how Hashirama had most of his youth to come to terms with the fact that he’d one day marry Mito. Any length of time seems short by comparison, but perhaps it’s better this way: to find out how one's been signed away and then see it quickly come to pass. 

Kagami is quiet, his complexion paling. Any trace of heat in his cheeks is gone. 

"What my brother said is true," Tobirama says, then goes on to offer what he hopes is a consolation. "You can still be with someone you love, Kagami."

"I - I understand."

Tobirama should say something. He should have prepared some words of reassurance before this; he's had longer than Kagami to come to terms with the situation, yet he still hasn't been able to make peace with the way Hashirama signed him away like a child. It's a reminder that while he often sees himself as his brother's equal, Hashirama's power as both hokage and head of the Senju clan puts him in a league of his own. 

“What about you, sensei?” Kagami asks, then winces. “Sorry. I’m too used to calling you that.”

Tobirama brushes off the apology. “What about me?” he asks. 

“Will you…” Kagami blushes again. “Will you also get to be with someone you love?”

Tobirama could point out that if continuing his line was important to him, he’s had plenty of time to find a partner. He considers Konoha his legacy though, and it’s more than enough. “That’s unimportant,” he finally says without further elaboration. 

Kagami stares at Tobirama for a long moment. He’s not a boy any longer and hasn’t been for some time. This is what Tobirama needs to remind himself of in order to stomach the situation. That the one Uchiha he trusts enough to enter this alliance with happens to be his former student is the unfortunate reality of the situation. 

“This is to strengthen the village,” Tobirama finally says. “To show that Uchiha and Senju are able to set aside their history.”

Kagami is the only Uchiha he’s seen who shows Konoha’s will of fire. It shows in his eyes when he rushes forward into the heat of battle, in the friendships stronger than brotherhood that he’s made with Shimura Danzo and Sarutobi Hiruzen, and now in the way he nods to Tobirama. 

“I think I understand,” Kagami says. 

* * *

The wedding is a mercifully small gathering. Those in attendance are mainly Uchiha and Senju, though there are a handful of elders from other clans. Gossip and speculation run rampant. From what Tobirama can gather, people seem to assume that the Uchiha and Senju both offered up those who held little value to their respective clans. 

By that logic, it makes sense that Hashirama would put forth Tobirama instead of one of his own children. He regrets that people think the Uchiha selected Kagami for this. The clan seems to be tight-lipped about how Tobirama chose his former student; perhaps only the elders who signed the agreement with Hashirama know. 

Tobirama catches only glimpses of Kagami before the ceremony. The Uchiha is dressed in white, but his family’s crest is clearly embroidered on the sleeves of his kimono. The message is clear: the Uchiha may be handing Kagami over to the Senju, but he'll always be one of theirs. 

There’s a light touch on Tobirama’s arm. “You shouldn’t look so somber,” Hashirama says. 

Hashirama is dressed for the occasion in his formal hokage robe. The last Tobirama saw him, he was trapped in discussion with a Nara, and before that an Aburame. This mingling is normally what Hashirama excels at, but there’s a subtle strain in his elder brother’s eyes. 

“You’re getting what you want, anija,” Tobirama says back. “Don’t ask for more.”

Hashirama’s smile is tired. “It’s your wedding day, Tobirama. Try not to look like you’re attending a funeral.”

The ceremony itself is no longer than thirty minutes, but it feels like an eternity. Tobirama hates the feeling of so many eyes on him. He tries to focus on anything except the Uchiha next to him, even as they share cups of sake. Tobirama has never liked the taste; it burns going down his throat. 

When the ceremony is finished, a much smaller group is invited back to the hokage’s apartments for a more intimate celebration. Hashirama, as amicable as ever, speaks in warm tones to the Uchiha elders. At least with his elder brother there, Tobirama has to do precious little. 

That is until it reaches late in the evening. Hashirama finds Tobirama, greeting him with a light touch on the arm. “It’s time,” he says. 

This isn’t the first wedding Tobirama’s attended. He knows what’s expected between a new couple sharing their marital bed for the first time. Still he says, “Anija, please.”

Hashirama shakes his head. He doesn’t apologize or remind Tobirama that he was much younger when he was forced to consummate a marriage to a girl he barely knew. He simply says, “This is what we must do for peace, Tobirama.”

Tobirama finds Kagami deep in conversation with one of his Uchiha cousins. He clears his throat, noticing the way Kagami’s face drains of color when he turns to face him. It’s clear that he understands what comes next, and perhaps that’s why he’s been so uncharacteristically quiet all evening. 

They proceed wordlessly to Tobirama’s room. Trunks of Kagami’s belongings are now pushed against the far wall. This is the room they’ll share now. This room, where it’s still possible to hear conversation from other rooms where celebrations linger. 

Tobirama turns to Kagami when he hears the rustle of fabric falling to the ground. The Uchiha has started to undress, removing the first layer of formalwear. His dark eyes meet Tobirama’s, and he reads Kagami’s expression as one of desperation. _Do we have to do this?_

Tobirama looks away and sheds his own clothing with a clinical quickness. He should ask if this is Kagami’s first time. He should ask Kagami if he’d rather do this act with the two of them not facing each other. He knows the answer to the second question. What Uchiha would trust a Senju at their back? To the first...he decides he’d rather not know. 

He knows the Uchiha, like any clan with a kekkei genkai to safeguard, do not partake in honeypot missions, which means that Kagami has never had to learn the most efficient way to do this. 

Tobirama knows that it’s easier to be the one acted upon, to be a passive participant. This is what he thinks as he wordlessly guides Kagami to their bed. He should apologize, he thinks, for what he’s about to do. 

But he doesn’t. He reaches into the nightstand and finds the jar of oil stored there, coating his fingers generously. He then takes a deep breath, hardening his resolve before resting a hand lightly on Kagami’s upper thigh. In a shaky movement, the Uchiha parts his legs. 

Kagami hisses softly when a finger first enters him. He’s so tight, muscles clenching around the intrusion. Tobirama wants to make the experience both as brief and as pain-free as possible, but sensing that he’ll only be able to choose one, he settles for the latter, taking his time to work Kagami open, to prepare him for what will come next. 

He should apologize. He should ask permission. He should say something. 

Kagami’s low groan as Tobirama pushes in is an intoxicating sound that he doesn’t deserve to hear. He chooses to look at a spot to the left of the Uchiha, just above his shoulder. It feels wrong to take pleasure in this, but if he chooses to dwell on what’s wrong with the situation he’ll never be able to finish what needs to be done. 

It’s mechanical. Rhythmic. There’s nothing but the sound of two bodies connecting, occasionally punctuated by a small sound that spills from Kagami’s lips. Tobirama knows he’s had to do much worse things before. This should be a small sacrifice for the greater good. 

If only that was all this was. 

Tobirama tries not to see, but he still notices the way Kagami’s blush travels down from his cheeks to his bare chest, the strained noises that spill from his lips, the way his hands are knotted in the bedsheet below him. 

Kagami finally finishes with a choked cry, and the sound pushes Tobirama over the edge in turn. It’s simultaneously the most and least satisfying sexual encounter he’s ever had. Now that it’s finished, he can’t help but see how small Kagami looks on the bed, curls sticking to his sweat-covered forehead. 

Tobirama should say something. He should ask if Kagami is alright. Instead, he gets out of the bed and pulls his clothing back on, wordlessly grabbing the thin sheet from the bed. 

He finds Hashirama drinking sake with members of the Uchiha clan. His elder brother looks startled when Tobirama shoves the stained sheet at him. 

“I hope you’re happy, anija,” he says. 

* * *

Back in their bedroom, Kagami has dressed in loose-fitting nightclothes. He’s curled on his side on the far edge of the bed, but Tobirama can sense that he’s still awake. He should say something. He should reassure him. He should explain that without the need to produce children, they’ll never have to couple together again. 

Instead, he changes into his nightclothes and gets into bed. 

He makes sure to be gone in the morning well before Kagami wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk this was my first time writing Tobirama's POV. Next chapter we're hopping over to Kagami and will get a sense for his understanding of the situation as events continue to unfold.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: a very brief mention of abortion and also that canonical character death we've been preparing for

Kagami isn’t surprised when he wakes up alone. 

It’s been this way every morning regardless of how early he rises. Tobirama is already gone, presumably locked away in his study with his research and hundreds of scrolls. As hokage, Hashirama is rarely around either. Kagami occasionally sees Mito; she offers polite but reserved smiles. Kagami imagines it’s one thing to share your residence with your brother-in-law. It’s another to also welcome his husband. 

Husband. The word still doesn’t feel like it should describe Kagami. He’s of an age where it’s not uncommon to be wed, but in Konoha’s current era of peace there are plenty of shinobi who are putting off marriage longer and longer. Perhaps it’s that none of his close friends are married. It doesn’t seem right that he’s the first.

And how strange it’s been that this has all taken place over the course of a few weeks. Kagami still doesn’t understand what happened entirely, so he clings to the few truths he’s established. 

The first is that the hokage selected his brother just as the Uchiha clan chose to offer Kagami. A more conventional match could have been struck between one of the hokage’s grandchildren and an Uchiha youth, but it seems that a more immediate union was preferred. Kagami can’t imagine Tobirama’s frustration at being signed away as if he were a child, not a man full grown. 

But he can comprehend just how much Tobirama is against this arrangement. It’s the way the Senju didn’t look at him more than a handful of times on their wedding night, the way he fucked Kagami fast and hard without looking at him, the way he now rises early and comes to bed late. It’s been nearly a week and they’ve only exchanged a handful of words. 

Kagami’s own feelings are difficult to piece together. He’s admired Tobirama since the man became his sensei. People hail Hashirama as a god of shinobi, but Kagami has seen how the hokage’s younger brother is equally powerful in so many regards. It was under Tobirama’s mentorship that he grew into a formidable shinobi. 

Tobirama becoming Kagami’s sensei had been one more thing for those in his clan to snicker about. Then again, none had offered to step up and take Kagami on as a student. Tobirama was kind to Kagami when precious few were.

Kagami is used to being alone. He has his friendship with Hiruzen and Danzo, as well as Koharu and Homura. He has Hikaku in the Uchiha clan who’s always kind to him. There are plenty of precious people in his life, even if he’s not Uchiha enough to be loved by his clan and too much of an Uchiha to be loved by Konoha. 

But living in the hokage’s residence now married to a man who will barely look at him, it’s easy for that aloneness to once again morph into loneliness as it so often did during his childhood. He hopes he doesn’t always feel like a shadow clinging to the walls here but can’t imagine this place ever feeling like home. 

He gets out of bed and changes out of his nightclothes before wandering out of the bedroom. As it is most days, the apartment seems empty. It’s an expansive, maze-like space. He knows Tobirama is present somewhere, likely locked away in his study with his research. Disturbing him would be about as wise as waking a bear from its winter hibernation. 

So Kagami heads for the kitchen, deciding he’ll grab something simple from the pantry before heading out for the day. He might pass the time on the training grounds with his old teammates or perhaps even visit his Uchiha relatives, though the latter idea is unlikely. He’s still not ready to deal with the look of prying eyes or the sound of barely hushed whispers. 

There’s no person hated more by the Uchiha than the White Demon of the Senju, the man who killed Uchiha Izuna and called for a vote when Konoha was formed so that his brother would be elected hokage instead of Uchiha Madara. When Kagami reflects on how much his clan loathes Senju Tobirama, he feels uncomfortably akin to a lamb sent to slaughter. 

Kagami steps into the kitchen and freezes. Hashirama is there as well, still in his nightclothes with his long hair tied loosely behind him. Kagami has been through several strange things in the last few weeks, but it’s perhaps the strangest when the elder man smiles warmly at him and says, “Kagami, good morning. Do you like tea?”

Kagami offers a small nod. “Yes, Lord Hokage.”

“Please. At last when we’re in my own home, I insist you call me Hashirama.” The Senju reaches into a cupboard and produces two cups before returning to the kettle heating on the stove. “After all, you are my brother.”

Kagami’s never had a brother, or even a sibling for that matter. He wordlessly accepts the cup of tea that Hashirama offers him and blows on it, letting the steam warm his face. The sweet herbal scent helps clear the early morning fog permeating his mind. 

“Come. Sit,” Hashirama says, gesturing for Kagami to join him at the table. “Are you hungry, Kagami?” he asks. “I could make you something for breakfast.”

Kagami imagines that as hokage, Hashirama has dozens of important things he should be doing. It’s strange that he’s still here this late in the morning at all. Kagami certainly can’t imagine keeping him any longer. “I’m not hungry,” he lies. 

Hashirama sits down across from Kagami, sipping his own tea. The man who’s been hailed as a god of shinobi looks strangely small in loose-fitting nightclothes. Not small, Kagami mentally amends. Human. 

“I want to apologize for my brother,” Hashirama finally says, breaking the silence between the two of them. “For how he acted on your wedding night.”

Heat rises to Kagami’s cheeks. He knows exactly what Hashirama is referring to. Kagami had prepared himself to deal with many things, but having proof of his marriage’s consummation thrown at his clan elders wasn’t one of them. 

Now there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s been fucked by the White Demon of the Senju. It’s probably all any Uchiha wants to gossip about. And Kagami can’t help but feel that it’s ironic, given how it was clear to him that Tobirama made it through the ordeal by imagining Kagami was someone else. 

Kagami can’t forget the look on Tobirama's face when he came to find him at their wedding reception. To anyone else, it would have resembled a gruff sort of neutrality. But Kagami could see the glint in the Senju's red eyes. He'd seen it often enough when Tobirama had been his sensei. It was anger, frustration being carefully concealed by a mask of indifference. 

It hadn't been his first time. It was his first time being fucked by someone who clearly didn't want to be intimate with him, but he wasn't a stranger to sex. Still, his fingers had shaken as he'd started to shed layers of elaborate formal clothing. The look he'd given Tobirama was meant to convey the words stuck in his throat. _Please, talk to me. Help me through this._

And Tobirama had seen that desperation and looked away. 

"Tobirama was upset with me," Hashirama continues. "He thought I was treating him as our father would have, and he wanted to punish me."

Kagami quietly sips his tea. He doesn’t know what to say. Hashirama isn’t the Senju with anything to apologize for. Even Tobirama’s actions he can try to understand. He doesn't expect an apology, though a conversation with the man he's now married to would be a start. 

It’s as if Hashirama reads his thoughts. “My brother has his mind set on some new jutsu he's been trying to perfect for weeks now,” Hashirama says. “He’ll forget to eat if someone doesn’t interrupt him.”

It’s a hint. A gently posed suggestion. Not an order, but all the same Kagami nods. “I understand. Thank you Lord…” He shakes his head. “Sorry. Hashirama.”

"It's alright, Kagami," Hashirama says with a gentle smile. “I know this will take some time to get used to.”

* * *

Kagami spends the rest of the morning finally unpacking his things. It would seem that the clan’s laundry ladies made sure to stitch the Uchiha crest onto every single item of clothing he owns. It’s ironic that now he’s Uchiha enough for them. His status as an outsider was sealed when his mother returned from a long-term mission with a baby in her belly and a stubborn refusal to end her pregnancy.

Of all people, Madara hadn’t cared that Kagami was only half an Uchiha, and he’d been quite vocal in his opinion towards members of the clan who treated Kagami differently from the other children, even going so far as to take Kagami under his wing. 

Then Madara had tried to destroy Konoha. 

Kagami runs a hand through his unruly curly hair (a gift from a father he knows nothing about) and surveys the room. It doesn’t surprise him that there’s little here. Tobirama has never struck him as an overly sentimental person. His study is likely filled with books and scrolls, but his bedroom is sparse. 

Kagami doesn’t have much either. Besides, he still feels like an intruder in this space. 

Once he’s finished unpacking, he falls back on the bed and tries to think about how he’s going to make the best of this situation he’s found himself in. It’ll start with actually being able to have a conversation with Tobirama, he decides. 

And so he ventures out into the busy streets of Konoha, grabbing something from a vendor he’s always liked and trying not to reflect on how he’s married to someone and doesn’t even know what kind of foods they prefer. If he starts down that train of thought, he quickly loses himself in all that’s wrong with the situation.

When he returns to the apartment, Kagami stands outside the door to Tobirama’s study for an embarrassing length of time before he remembers that the Senju is a gifted sensory type who’s likely known that he’s there the entire time. He tries not to be discouraged that Tobirama hasn’t said anything, not even an invitation to step inside. 

He mentally braces himself and knocks on the door. There isn’t a reply. 

Maybe Tobirama isn’t even there. Maybe Hashirama was wrong, and this is all a foolish mistake, and-

Tobirama opens the door. His face is a portrait of indifference, which is perhaps only marginally better than annoyance. 

Kagami swallows the lump in his throat. “I brought you something to eat.”

“You didn’t need to,” Tobirama says flatly. 

“I wanted to,” Kagami insists. 

“Why would you…” Tobirama trails off, seeming to weigh the options before ultimately accepting the peace offering for what it is. “What I mean is thank you.”

Kagami takes that as his invitation to approach, quickly sneaking past Tobirama into his study. “Is it alright if I stay?” he asks. 

“I’m very busy,” Tobirama replies. 

Kagami hums, sitting down and lifting the lid from his bento box. “Then I won’t stay long,” he promises. 

They don’t say anything as they eat. There’s a sense of tension between the two of them that’s near tangible, but at least it’s not suffocating. Kagami’s not naive enough to think that things will immediately feel right between the two of them, but he does cling to the hope that it won’t always be this strained. 

Kagami takes the opportunity to survey Tobirama’s study. It’s surprisingly messy, with towers of books precariously stacked on nearly every surface. There are stray papers and scrolls littering his desk. Some look like guides to different jutsu, others seem to be more official. 

It’s no secret that Tobirama helps Hashirama greatly in his role as hokage. It’s another reason the Uchiha mistrust him. But Kagami looks at the piles upon piles of documents on Tobirama’s desk and wonders how one person could be rightly expected to do everything on their own. 

Finally the two of them finish eating, and Kagami can’t justify staying any longer, especially if Tobirama isn’t going to give him anything to work with. “I’ll see you later,” he says. 

Tobirama nods without looking up from the scroll he’s returned to reading. 

* * *

Kagami falls into a routine over the next few weeks. Tea and breakfast with Hashirama. Lunch that he brings to Tobirama. He doesn’t often see Mito; Hashirama explains that they’ve just welcomed a grandchild, and his wife is busy assisting their daughter and son-in-law. 

His mornings with Hashirama never last long. They spend perhaps less than half an hour together, but it’s time Kagami comes to look forward to. He doesn’t tell his friends about it, and he’s smart enough to not even consider mentioning it to his clan. They’d have some agenda to force upon him, perceiving him to have more leverage over the hokage than he actually does. 

Hashirama is sometimes quiet, a distant look in his eyes as he drinks his tea. Other times he’s quite vocal, laughing as he tells Kagami stories about growing up with Tobirama, his own marriage to Mito, and even the grandchildren he considers himself lucky to have lived long enough to meet. He speaks often of Princess Tsunade, a precocious toddler who’s inherited his love of gambling and who clearly has her grandfather wrapped around her finger. 

One morning Hashirama says to him, “You know...Madara would often speak highly of you.”

Kagami all but chokes on his tea. To think that Madara ever talked about him to the hokage is hard to imagine, but then again he remembers that at some point beyond his memory Hashirama and Madara were said to be the closest of friends. 

“He would compare you to Izuna. His brother,” Hashirama adds. 

Kagami sets his tea down and stairs at the woodgrain of the table. “He was kind to me when few in the Uchiha clan were,” he says. 

“Ah. He would talk about that too.”

It’s no longer unheard of for outsiders to marry into the Uchiha clan. It’s uncommon, perhaps frowned upon by the more conservative elders, but permitted all the same. It’s incredible the difference a short span of time has made, how existing within the safety and structure of Konoha has started to change the clan. 

It wasn’t that way when Kagami was a child. Too young for the newly formed academy yet eager to start learning, few of the clan’s shinobi wanted to give him more than a few seconds of their time. They didn’t think he’d ever be able to awaken the sharingan, not with a father who wasn’t an Uchiha. 

And so Madara had stepped in, training Kagami with surprising patience. The normally hot-headed Uchiha was actually an excellent teacher, especially when Kagami had his undivided attention. 

The words spill out of Kagami. “I noticed he started acting differently. He was angry, more than normal. He started saying things. I didn’t think he could be serious. I was just a child and I didn’t know who I could tell, and - and I’m sorry.”

He’s afraid to look up and see the disappointment in Hashirama’s face, especially when the silence between them stretches out, becoming a heavy thing that sits between the two of them. 

Finally, it’s broken by Hashirama’s quiet, gentle reassurance. “You’re right, Kagami. You were just a child.”

Kagami looks up and sees the sadness in Hashirama’s eyes despite the warm smile on his face. Disappointment would have been easier to stomach, he realizes. 

“You weren’t the only person to notice that Madara was changing,” Hashirama continues. “People tried to warn me, but…” He pauses, taking a long drink of his tea. Kagami must imagine the slight tremor in his hands when he sets the cup back down. “Sometimes we choose to ignore the things in front of us. I hope you can forgive me for not reaching out to Madara sooner.”

The aftermath of Madara’s betrayal had been explosive for the entire clan. It didn’t matter that he’d been thoroughly disowned by the Uchiha before making his final stand. The people of Konoha saw a man with dark hair and sharingan eyes threatening to destroy everything they held dear. They saw an Uchiha. And they still see Madara when they look at any of Kagami’s clansmen today. 

Kagami realizes how much weight Hashirama still chooses to carry over how the Uchiha are treated, how much responsibility he willingly takes for Madara’s actions. Even with this arrangement between Kagami and Tobirama, it would seem that Hashirama feels guilty for what he’s done.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Kagami says, and he finds that he means it. Madara’s actions were his own, even if the Uchiha now have to deal with the far-reaching consequences. Hashirama was far from the only person who saw the change in Madara. Too many people chose to look away when they should have confronted the Uchiha. 

“That’s very kind of you to say, Kagami,” Hashirama says. The look in the Senju’s eyes leaves Kagami wondering if there’s more Hashirama wishes to apologize for. 

* * *

It’s been a day like any other, which is to say Kagami and Tobirama haven’t said much to each other. However, the silence has started to feel more companionable. It’s peppered with the slightest bit of small talk, even. Kagami tries to understand the new jutsu Tobirama is working on developing. Tobirama asks how Hiruzen and Danzo are doing. The other day, they even laughed together talking about the strange courtship dance Hiruzen is locked in with Biwako. The two of them have been tiptoeing around each other for far too long now. 

It surprises Kagami when towards the end of their time together Tobirama says, “You don’t need to hurry off.”

“But you’re busy,” Kagami points out. 

“It...would actually be nice to go over this with someone else,” Tobirama admits. “Unless there’s somewhere else you need to be,” he adds. 

Kagami shakes his head. His former teammates won’t miss him if he skips one afternoon of training with them. 

Tobirama waves him over, and Kagami pulls his chair up next to Tobirama. He looks down at the books and scrolls the Senju has propped open, the pages that are full of his own notes and diagrams.

He knows Tobirama is a genius. He’s known ever since the man was his sensei. Tobirama was somehow always able to understand what each of his students needed to grow, and he had an unparalleled knowledge of different jutsu to teach them. Kagami probably knows more fire-style techniques than nearly any other Uchiha. 

But part of being a genius is that it’s difficult to understand the way Tobirama thinks things through. He starts going off on nearly half a dozen seemingly unrelated tangents as he explains to Kagami some new clone technique he’s trying to develop. Somehow, though, every loose thread is tied together as he finally finishes his long-winded speech.

“You’re trying to create a new clone jutsu,” Kagami says. If nothing else, he’s been able to piece that much together. “So you can...get through more paperwork?”

Tobirama gestures to his mess of a desk. “My brother has too much to do as hokage, so he shoves some of his tasks onto me. When I’m stuck signing paperwork, I can’t work on my own research. If there are two of me, I can do both.”

“And a regular clone wouldn’t allow you to remember what you’ve done all day.”

“Right. When the clone disperses, it needs to transfer back its memories and the knowledge that it’s acquired.”

Kagami ponders that. "At the end of the day you'd have to sort through two people's worth of events," he points out. "It sounds exhausting."

Tobirama again gestures at the papers on his desk. "No more exhausting than trying to keep up with all of this."

"Is that why you come to bed so late?" Kagami asks. "Because you're busy?"

"Kagami." His name on Tobirama's lips is a warning, an apology. 

"I'm just saying you don't have to wait until you think I’m asleep to finally come to bed,” Kagami continues. “And if you’re busy, let me help you.”

Tobirama doesn’t say anything. The expression on his face seems to be one of indifference. Kagami tries not to feel discouraged as he presses on. “I know I’m not as smart as Hiruzen. But I can try.”

Tobirama’s expression seems to soften a bit at that. “I heard Saru is leading a mission that’s departing in a few days.”

Kagami nods. “He picked me and Danzo to go with him.”

“So you’ll be gone for a few weeks?”

“At least.”

Tobirama nods. Kagami imagines that the Senju looks relieved at the thought of having a few weeks without him. 

* * *

Kagami knows that he'll curl up against anyone in his sleep. It's something Hiruzen and Danzo have both mocked him endlessly for. It's why every night sharing a bed, he's been so careful, only letting himself fall half-asleep so he stays turned on his side away from Tobirama. 

But the morning of his mission, he wakes up with his head resting on Tobirama's chest. He's pressed firmly against the elder man, like a moth seeking a flame. Maybe Tobirama is still asleep. Maybe he can get up quietly and-

"I was starting to worry you'd oversleep," Tobirama says, his low voice a rumble through his chest. "Aren't you supposed to meet your team at sunrise?"

Kagami can feel his heart beating down to the tips of his toes. He realizes Tobirama's arm is wrapped around him, and it feels all the more meaningful now that he knows the elder man is awake - has been awake. Kagami himself is not nearly awake enough for this.

"What are you still doing here?" Kagami asks as he blinks sleep from his eyes. "I mean...you're always gone by now."

"You're going to be away for some time. I wanted to say goodbye properly," Tobirama says. 

Kagami hums in acknowledgement. Tobirama is firm and warm and it makes it hard to imagine getting out of bed. He closes his eyes, deciding to rest for just a moment longer before actually getting up. In his half-awake state, it feels good to take this intimacy for what it is and not dissect it further.

"You do need to get ready," Tobirama points out after a minute passes. 

With a groan, Kagami reluctantly extracts himself from the warm sanctuary of the bed. He packed his travel bag the previous night. All he needs to do is change into his uniform, which he’s having an unreasonably difficult time finding. He knows he unpacked it somewhere, but it’s nowhere to be found. 

By the time he actually finds what he needs and quickly gets dressed, stray beams of sunlight are starting to pierce through the window. He’s going to be late, even if he runs to the village’s main gate at a breakneck pace. 

“Saru won’t be happy if you’re late,” Tobirama says. Kagami jerks around to face him and blinks in surprise to see that the Senju is fully dressed. “Come here. I’ll help you get there.”

Kagami picks up his travel sack and approaches Tobirama, not sure what the elder man means. He lets out a small gasp of surprise when Tobirama grabs him, tucking him firmly against his chest. Then it feels like his stomach has leapt up to his throat and a moment later he’s standing at the main gate. 

If Hiruzen and Danzo are surprised to see him arrive via _hiraishin_ with Tobirama, neither lets it show. 

“Saru,” Tobirama says. His deep voice vibrates against Kagami’s back. He’s still leaning against the Senju heavily, disoriented by the sudden transportation. “Bring everyone home safely.”

Hiruzen swallows and nods, a determined look on his face. “Yes, Tobirama-sensei.”

Tobirama releases Kagami from his firm grip. “I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

Kagami struggles to find something to say, especially when Tobirama gives his hand the briefest squeeze. It’s nothing more than a second’s embrace, and it should be nothing, especially given that the two of them have already done much more together than touch each other. But it has him feeling dizzy all over again. 

Toibrama doesn’t give him time to formulate a reply. He’s gone in the blink of an eye, using his _hiraishin_ to return home. 

Danzo is the one to break the silence between the three of them. 

"I always thought Hiruzen was Lord Tobirama's favorite, but clearly I was wrong," he says with a smirk directed at Kagami. 

Kagami scowls at him. 

"It's probably better this way. Hiruzen didn't have a hopeless crush-"

"I didn't have a crush on him!" Kagami can feel the heat rising to his cheeks. Even if he’d been enamored with Tobirama when the Senju was his sensei, it was no more so than any other of his other teammates must have felt. It was hard not to feel _something_ when in the presence of such a powerful shinobi. 

“Let’s get moving,” Hiruzen says, gesturing for Kagami and Danzo to follow him. “We have a long way to travel.”

Hiruzen sets a relentless pace for the three of them. Kagami is thankful that in the struggle to keep up, there’s little energy left for talking.

* * *

They're three days out of Konoha. After a long day of travel, Hiruzen finally decides they can stop. It's supposed to take them at least a week to reach their destination, but it would seem that their team leader is trying to get them there even faster. 

Danzo wanders off to hunt down something for them to eat while Kagami sets to work starting a small fire. The smoke is a risk, but they’re more than capable of taking on anyone it attracts. Besides, it’s worth it to have something hot to eat after the last few days of subsisting on soldier pills and dried rations. 

A messenger hawk swoops down, landing on Hiruzen’s shoulder. For a message to be sent isn’t in itself a bad omen. Sometimes new intel is received that needs to be passed on to a team that’s already departed. But when Kagami watches Hiruzen’s face as he removes the message from the hawk’s leg and scans it quickly, he knows this isn’t just new intel. Hiruzen’s eyes give him away. 

“What is it?” Kagami demands. 

Hiruzen shakes his head. There’s disbelief in his expression when he meets Kagami’s gaze. “Lord Hokage is dead,” he says. “We’re to return to the village immediately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks ya'll for the comments you've been leaving. They mean so much and I love talking with you all.
> 
> If you want to come say hi on tumblr, I'm also adolescentlycan there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No specific warnings for this chapter. It's heavy though and largely focuses on Hashirama's death, so just tread carefully.

Tobirama is surprised to realize he misses Kagami.

It’s not a feeling that slowly overwhelms him like the tide claiming the shore. It’s a wave of emotion that crashes against once jagged stone that’s been worn smooth by the stubborn force of persistence. It’s a sudden discovery in that moment when he finds himself looking up from his research at midday and has to remind himself that Kagami is gone and will be for some time.

If Tobirama were to confide in his brother, Hashirama would spout some banality about how absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hashirama has never stopped seeing the world through a lens of idealism, one where two people brought together for political gain can still claim happiness for themselves. It’s what he and Mito were able to do; why can’t anyone else?

Hashirama doesn’t actually need to pose the question for Tobirama to ruminate on why it’s impossible for him to have that kind of relationship with Kagami. In Tobirama’s mind there exists a multitude of reasons that have been carefully identified, analyzed, and filed away, reminders that no matter how kind and persistent Kagami is, this is something Tobirama doesn’t deserve. 

There are practicalities, objective and unyielding in their truth. The most indisputable is that Tobirama doesn’t have time. He didn’t have time even before Kagami started intruding into his office with a stubborn insistence that he needed to take a break to eat. Tobirama fails to comprehend how Hashirama has somehow managed to juggle being hokage, clan head, husband, father, and now even grandfather. His first theory would be that Hashirama simply doesn’t sleep, but he knows this isn’t true. His brother has been retiring earlier and earlier and sleeping longer and longer as of late. Hashirama’s look is always apologetic as he hands over giant mounds of paperwork to Tobirama with some flimsy excuse about simply not being able to understand any of it. 

Yes, it’s without question that Tobirama has to be his brother’s right hand man before anything else, but there’s more that keeps him from accepting the possibility of a relationship with Kagami.

Surprisingly, it’s not that Kagami is an Uchiha. If Tobirama was completely unable to see past his biases, he never would have taken Kagami on as a student in the first place all those years ago. It’s true that Hashirama appealed to his soft spot for children when convincing him to temporarily mentor another student, but no one forced Tobirama to keep Kagami on his team.

Three students to one sensei. That was the ideal ratio that they’d discovered after some experimentation. Two students made it easier to focus on teaching, but it was an inefficient use of limited resources. Besides, actual mission squads were comprised of at least three shinobi. It was best that they learned to work as a team while they were young. Still, taking on any more than three students at a time stretched a teacher far too thin. 

But Tobirama had seen how hesitant Kagami was, how skittish he was in working with his new teammates initially. It seemed as though the Uchiha was trying to balance the desire to belong with the fear of becoming attached to another team he could lose. It was understandable if not completely impractical. 

A shinobi needs to be able to suppress counterproductive emotions, but the Uchiha are nothing if not temperamental. 

Like others in his clan, Kagami’s weakness is that he can’t help but think with his heart rather than his head. It’s something Tobirama tried to train out of him, though he might as well have wasted his time trying to teach a ninken to talk for all the good it did. 

At least in Kagami’s heart there’s an unquestionable sense of loyalty paired with love for his teammates and village. Every time Tobirama took his young students on a mission, he had to worry that Kagami would act rashly and get himself killed, which was only marginally preferable to having to worry that the Uchiha would seize an opportunity to stab him in the back. 

But in spite of his former student’s lack of restraint, Tobirama has watched Kagami come into his own as an excellent shinobi. The Uchiha has grown from a scrawny youth into a full-fledged ninja, into a man who fills out his jounin uniform even if he only ever grew tall enough to reach Tobirama’s chest. It’s been years since they were teamed up together as sensei and student, but Tobirama has always kept an eye on Kagami. 

And now he’s heard the gossip that people in Konoha now whisper about. The most popular speculation is that the Uchiha chose to sign away Kagami for the humiliation it would bring Tobirama at having to fuck his former student. 

If only they were to discover the truth, but that’s a secret Tobirama will take to his grave. He’ll let Kagami and all of Konoha assume that the Uchiha clan selected him for this. It’s still something he can barely admit to himself: that he chose Kagami. 

A shinobi has to endure many things, and it’s often easier to endure when choice is removed. When one is told to do something for the greater good, it’s simply a matter of suppressing emotions and setting one’s mind to the task. Tobirama has done it before and will do it again countless times for the sake of the village. 

All the same, Tobirama is unable to hate that Hashirama gave him the freedom to choose. Perhaps it would have been easier to be told, to not have his wants or desires brought into the equation. But then perhaps Tobirama would not have Kagami at his side. 

And if Tobirama allows himself to be honest, there are many reasons Kagami was the Uchiha he chose. 

* * *

As always, Tobirama pauses working on his research late into the night. If he could train his body to survive on only a few hours of sleep he gladly would, but getting older has frustratingly meant needing more rest, not less. 

He’s exhausted and just wants to go to bed so he can rise early the next morning to begin working again, but he finds Hashirama there in the living room as he passes through. Hashirama, who as of late has been setting with the sun. 

There’s something unfamiliar in Hashirama’s earnest expression as he tilts his head towards Tobirama and says, “Won’t you stay up a bit longer with me, Tobirama?”

“I’m tired, anija,” Toibrama says bluntly.

A sigh escapes Hashirama’s lips. He’s normally so dignified in how he carries the weight of his responsibility, but there are rare moments when it becomes clear just how much the burden drains him. And when those signs of exhaustion break through the cracks of Hashirama’s poised demeanor, it doesn’t matter how tired Tobirama is. 

Hashirama doesn’t press Tobirama to stay, but he doesn’t have to. Tobirama sits down on the sofa and lets Hashirama rest his head on his shoulder. His long dark hair spills across Tobirama’s chest. 

“I’m tired too, Tobi,” Hashirama admits. 

Tobirama hates having his name shortened. It was something Kawarama and Itama always did, refusing to stop no matter how much he insisted he hated the nickname. One of his students once made the mistake of calling him _Tobi-sensei_ , and the look he gave them must have made his attitude frighteningly clear. 

But tonight he doesn’t scold Hashirama. He doesn’t have the energy for a fight, but it’s more than that. Hashirama is acting differently, and Tobirama can’t place why. To the best of his knowledge, nothing’s shifted in their lives. There’s no impending disaster between clan elders or looming threat to the village’s safety - at least no more than they’ve become used to dealing with.

“Will you braid my hair?” Hashirama asks softly after a few moments of silence pass between the two of them. 

Tobirama huffs out an indignant breath but adjusts himself so that Hashirama can turn as well, his back to Tobirama’s chest. “You know how to braid your own hair, anija,” Tobirama says even as he begins to finger comb the tangles out of his brother’s long hair. 

Hashirama hums pleasantly in response. “You do it better,” he says. 

It’s been years since Tobirama has last done this, certainly not since Hashirama married Mito. Yet muscle memory guides him as he partitions Hashirama’s hair into sections. It reminds him of when they were so much younger.

It’s impractical for a shinobi to have long hair. It’s even a hazard in the thick of a battle. Hashirama knew this and chose to grow his hair out to such an obscene length simply because he could, letting it serve as a dare for enemies to try and touch him. Madara had followed Hashirama’s example, the two of them equally ridiculous in Tobirama’s eyes. 

“You know I appreciate all you help me with,” Hashirama says as Tobirama begins to weave the strands of his hair together. 

Tobirama makes a low sound of acknowledgement. He’s always aided Hashirama in his duties as hokage. It’s only within the last few months that it’s begun to interfere with the time he devotes to his own research.He’s not sure if Hashirama’s burden has increased or if his elder brother has simply lost the energy to try and keep up with all of it.

“You’re the one who was able to figure it all out. The academy. The system for ranking missions,” Hashirama continues. 

Tobirama’s ideas were only ever accepted because Hashirama presented them to the clan heads and elders as his own. No one was naive enough to think that Tobirama didn’t have a hand in designing the village, but he’s always underplayed just how much work he’s done. People don’t trust him like they do Hashirama. His way of explaining things has never inspired confidence or good faith. 

It’s as if Hashirama is able to read his thoughts. “You’d be able to run the village yourself,” he says. “I know you could.”

“I don’t have your way with people, anija,” Tobirama points out. 

Hashirama exhales softly. “It’s a skill like any other. You’d be able to learn.”

Tobirama finishes Hashirama’s long braid and ties it off with the hair tie Hashirama passes him. “If that was true, I think I’d have learned by now.”

Hashirama turns so they’re again face to face. Tobirama is startled to see just how tired his brother looks, but in such proximity it’s impossible not to see the dark circles under Hashirama’s eyes. “It’s because you’re stubborn, Tobi,” Hashirama says with surprising passion. “Stubborn and strong-willed and difficult to work with because you’re usually right. But you have to understand that sometimes being right isn’t the most important thing.”

Tobirama stares back at Hashirama blankly. He’s not sure what he’s said to have prompted such an outburst, so he settles on saying, “You know I don’t like that nickname.”

Hashirama forces a smile, the action looking clearly strained. “I know. But it reminds me of when we were younger.”

“You know that’s why I don’t like it, anija.”

Hashirama reaches forward, squeezing Tobirama’s hand. Touch is another thing he knows Tobirama doesn’t like. As a sensory type, it’s simply unnecessary and often overwhelming. “You’re too serious, Tobi. But I love you for it.”

“And you aren’t serious enough,” Tobirama points out. Hashirama is idealistic. He thinks that if he smiles widely enough he can have his way. He thinks that the way to lead is to appease, to compromise, to speak sweet words laced with honey. 

“Perhaps,” Hashirama concedes. He looks around the dark room as if realizing for the first time how late it’s gotten and seems disappointed. “Goodnight, Tobi. I love you.”

Tobirama’s mind is already somewhere else as he says, “Goodnight, anija.”

* * *

Tobirama wakes up early as he always does. Exhaustion tries to pull him back to sleep, but he fights it off as he gets out of bed. Even though he’s woken up before the sun rises, he doesn’t need to look at a clock to know that he’s slept in. The ten or fifteen minutes he’s already lost is on the forefront of his mind as he tries to calculate how he’ll make up for lost time in a day already crammed with too much to complete.

Living with Hashirama and Mito, Tobirama has become accustomed to the constant presence of overwhelming chakra signatures. At any given moment, he can easily pinpoint where either one of them is in the apartment. 

And as he steps out of his room he realizes he can’t sense Hashirama. It shouldn’t mean anything other than that for once in his adult life Hashirama has managed to get himself out of bed at a reasonable hour and commence with his day. 

But the memory of how tired Hashirama seemed the night before rises to the forefront of Tobirama’s mind, and a tight knot of worry forms in his stomach. He tells himself he’s overreacting. Still, Hashirama’s never been the first to wake up. Something is wrong. He just doesn’t know what. 

He finds Mito alone in the kitchen, her hands tightly wrapped around a mug of tea. Her eyes are red and puffy. The tear tracks drying on her face betray her dignified expression. Tobirama feels his stomach twist. The moments stretch into infinity as Mito looks up and opens her mouth to speak. 

She meets Tobirama’s face and speaks the words he hasn’t even allowed himself to suspect because they simply can’t be true. Mito starts strong, but a mountain of grief causes her voice to waver. 

“He’s gone.”

He hears Mito call after him, but it’s the sound of someone shouting to someone who’s ten feet below water. Distorted. Muffled. He needs to see. Needs to know it’s true. But it can’t be true. It can’t. _It can’t_.

Despite rushing through the apartment, Tobirama is slow as he walks into his brother’s bedroom. The logical part of him knows that these are the last seconds that he can cling to disbelief, to Mito having made a mistake, to this being some bizarre dream, to anything but the reality that’s in front of him. 

Hashirama looks as though he’s gone to sleep. It’s only as Tobirama walks closer to that he sees it. The way Hashirama’s long hair, normally so shiny, is brittle and streaked with gray. The sallow tone of his skin contrasting with the dark seals that are marked on his arms. The deep, dark circles under his closed eyes. 

Tobirama braided that hair last night. He doesn’t understand. It was soft and dark and thick. 

“He was using a henge,” Mito says quietly. She’s taken residence in the doorframe. “He didn’t want anyone to know how sick he was.”

“You knew.” The words are an accusation thinly veiled as a statement. Tobirama traces the seals that paint Hashirama’s arms. Seals that Mito must have developed herself to slow or contain whatever was wrong with him.

“I knew,” Mito repeats. 

The confirmation physically hurts, like someone’s punched Tobirama in the gut and stolen the air from his chest. The pain of losing Kawarama and Itama was unbearable. This can’t be what breaks him. This can’t be worse than that. 

But it is. It is. 

It’s so much worse and amplified by the fact that Hashirama didn’t tell him something was wrong. He could have helped. He might have known something Mito didn’t. He could have found something. Figured something out. It doesn’t make sense that Hashirama didn’t allow him that. 

He lays a hand on his brother’s cold arm. It doesn’t make sense that Hashirama is gone.

“I need to call someone to…” Mito stops, inhales deeply, and continues. “To take care of…”

Tobirama is there in a heartbeat to catch Mito as her legs give out from under her. He understands what she was saying and clings to it. There are things to do. Tasks to check off. This he understands. Tobirama has nothing if not an ability to compartmentalize. 

He walks Mito back to the kitchen and eases her into a chair. He brews her another cup of tea. “I’ll handle calling someone to take care of his body,” he promises Mito. She flinches at his blunt choice of words but nods in thanks. 

Tobirama’s mind is already going off in several directions. This is something Konoha hasn’t planned for. No one was under the impression that Hashirama would live forever, but he’s still so young. 

_Was_ so young. 

Tobirama wants to take blood samples. He wants to analyze and dissect and find out exactly what was wrong, but he also knows that the secrets of mokuton are contained in his brother’s body, and the risk of that knowledge falling into the wrong hands is too great.

Then there’s the jutsu he tried to develop so long ago after losing their younger brothers, a way of bringing them back. It hadn’t worked, and Butsuma had put a stop to it when he’d discovered what Tobirama was trying to do. Back then he’d feared his father too much to risk continuing. Besides, his first attempts at resurrection had been so flawed. 

Still, all he’d needed were a few of his brothers’ cells. No one else needs to know. Everyone else can think that his brother’s body was completely destroyed. Tobirama is well-versed in keeping secrets. 

It doesn’t have to mean he’s trying to bring his brother back. This is just to understand what killed Hashirama. To study mokuton more closely. The village may one day need this. Mokuton and sharingan eyes are the two things that can tame a tailed beast. 

A headache is already brewing behind his temples, and the sun hasn’t even yet begun to shine. All over Konoha people will begin waking up and starting their days, not realizing how drastically the world has changed overnight. Konoha and Hashirama have always been twined together. The village is what Hashirama willed it to be, brought into being in large part by force of will.

They’ll need to name a new hokage. The thought of someone else holding his brother’s role leaves an ill taste in Tobirama’s mouth. No, he can’t think that far ahead. He’ll get through this by focusing on tasks he can immediately achieve. 

Hashirama’s children should be the first to know, then the other members of the Senju clan. Tobirama steels himself for a long day of telling people that his brother has died and not being able to provide explanations or answers. 

* * *

Kagami returns to Konoha two days later. He’s soaked through to the bone, his traveling cloak clinging to his slight frame. It hasn’t stopped raining since the day Hashirama died, torrential downpours that have flooded the streets of Konoha. It must have been a nightmare to try and travel home in this weather.

Tobirama waits impatiently as Kagami exchanges a few words with Mito, offering her his condolences. Mito has been stoic in her grief, a source of comfort for her children and grandchildren. She was the only one who knew this was coming, the one person Hashirama confided in. It must have been a heavy burden. At least grief is something she’s able to share with others. 

Kagami’s eyes are wet with unshed tears as he crosses the room to approach Tobirama. Before the Uchiha can say anything, Tobirama cuts him off. “You need to get out of your wet clothes,” he says sternly. “Before you get sick. Go change and I’ll make you some tea.”

“I...thank you. I’ll do that,” Kagami says. 

Tobirama retreats further into the apartment before Kagami can say anything else. The space is full of Senju relatives, Hashirama’s own children and grandchildren but also cousins and cousins’ children. They lean on each other for comfort and support. The whole village is in mourning, but the Senju clan doubly so. They’ve not only lost their hokage but their clan head as well. In the absence of definitive leadership, they cling to each other. 

Tobirama wishes they’d cling to each other elsewhere. There’s still a village that needs to be run. This is what he thinks to himself as he boils water on the stove, how many things he’s falling behind on because there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. Grief is a luxury for those who have the time for it. He didn’t when he lost Kawarama or Itama. Now he’s lost Hashirama and nothing’s changed; there’s too much to be done to be lost in grief. 

Most of the Senju clan knows to let Tobirama be. Not his elder cousin Touka. She clears her throat as she enters the kitchen. “Princess Tsunade wants a snack. She won’t stop pestering her mother,” she announces as she begins to rummage through the cabinets as if she owns the kitchen. 

Tsunade is old enough to understand that something grave has happened yet too young to grasp the permanence of death. She cries because her parents scold her for being needy, not because she can understand that her grandfather is gone. Hashirama always called her _princess_ , doting on her to no end.

“Hashirama hid sweets for her here,” Tobirama says. He opens a cabinet door and carefully rearranges a few things, reaching behind some spices to grab a few hard candies. “This should hold her over.”

“You’re making tea?” Touka asks. 

“Kagami just arrived back.”

Touka stares at him, a cryptic expression on her face. She’s always been frustrating, like an older sister in how she always meddled in both Hashirama and Tobirama’s lives growing up. 

“You clearly want to say something,” Tobirama says. 

Touka purses her lips. “Mito might like a cup of tea as well. That’s all I was thinking.”

Tobirama knows she’s lying. Touka is opinionated, though occasionally she has the good sense to keep her thoughts to herself. “Thank you for keeping Tsunade entertained,” he says as he grabs two cups. 

Touka snorts. “I don’t plan on watching her all day. She’s a nightmare.”

“Hashirama adored her.”

“To a fault,” Touka says dryly. 

Tobirama doesn’t disagree. He instead pours a cup of tea and offers it to Touka. “Would you give this to Mito? I need to check on Kagami.”

Touka wears that cryptic expression again. She nods though and accepts the cup without comment, then disappears to rejoin the chaos that’s taken over the apartment. 

In their room, Tobirama finds Kagami already passed out on the bed. He didn’t even change out of his wet clothing, only managing to shrug off his wet cloak before laying down. Tobirama does a quick mental calculation. His group had to have been at least three days out of Konoha by the time the message reached them. It’s only been five days since Hashirama died though, and yet here Kagami is. It’s no wonder he’s exhausted. 

He sets the tea down on the nightstand and thinks how nice it would be to lay down as well. He’s so tired. Tired of consoling weeping relatives and working through as much paperwork as he can so the village doesn’t completely come to a halt. Tired of endless discussions with elders about what a hokage’s funeral should look like. Tired of trying to imagine a future without Hashirama and understand why his brother didn’t trust him enough to let him know how sick he was. 

Instead, Tobirama grabs a blanket and drapes it over Kagami, noticing how his cheeks already have a feverish red flush. He’ll have to check on the Uchiha later. 

For now, there’s too much to do for Tobirama to justify resting. 

* * *

That night, Tobirama finally returns to their bedroom to find Kagami in bed curled up with several blankets, sweating and shivering. His cheeks are flushed, his curly hair matted to his forehead. 

“You’re sick,” Tobirama says bluntly.

Kagami’s eyes flutter open. “I’m just tired,” he protests weakly. 

Tobirama sits down on the edge of the bed and studies Kagami closely. “I brought you some broth. Are you going to be able to hold it down?” he asks. 

Kagami nods and works himself into a sitting position, though several blankets still surround him. He reaches for the bowl and Tobirama says, “You’re shivering too much. You’ll spill.”

“You don’t need to feed me,” Kagami insists, though he doesn’t reject the first spoonful of broth that Tobirama holds out to him. 

“I don’t want you making a mess in our bed,” Tobirama says bluntly. “Or feeding yourself too quickly and getting yourself more sick.” He’s no expert in illness, but his best guess is that the strain of rushing back to Konoha paired with the biting cold and rain have Kagami sick with a wicked cold. 

Even this late at night, Tobirama has plenty of other things to be doing. No one has yet objected to Tobirama doing the minimum amount of hokage duties necessary to keep the village running, but that could change at any moment. And if no one’s doing the work, it won’t take long for things to collapse. He can’t do that to Hashirama’s memory, even if it means going with less and less sleep. He’ll make sure things continue to get done. 

For the moment, people are still too shocked for the most part to consider what will come next, but there will come a time when the succession must be dealt with. Spies within Konoha’s walls have likely already reported elsewhere that the hokage is dead. Every other village will turn a close eye to Konoha to see how the succession is handled. 

Tobirama suspects that it’s only out of respect for Hashirama that no one’s outright attacked Konoha in their moment of weakness. They're on thin ice, though, venturing into unprecedented territory. No other hidden village has yet had to appoint a new leader.

It's a relief to push that all from his mind, to instead focus on the sick Uchiha sitting across from him. "You rushed back to Konoha," he accuses as he brings a spoonful of broth to Kagami's lips. 

Kagami shivers, sips at the warm liquid, and offers a tiny rise and fall of his shoulders in apology. "It was important."

Mito and Tobirama had disagreed about what to do in regard to shinobi out on the field. Hashirama would be just as dead in a few weeks, and Tobirama stubbornly failed to see the point in recalling shinobi back to attend a funeral. Mito didn't dignify him with a response, and the hastily assembled council had agreed it was best to have as many shinobi as possible back in the Hidden Leaf. 

"Tobirama," Kagami says. His eyes are fever glazed, curls stuck to his sweaty forehead. "I - I'm sorry about your brother."

Tobirama can see Kagami weighing whether or not to continue, to risk asking what happened. His brother went to his grave choosing to only let Mito know how sick he was. That's the hardest part to admit. Mito has since told Tobirama that Hashirama’s sickness came on suddenly, roughly six months ago. He had forbidden her from telling anyone else, trusting her and only her to develop seals to help slow the spread of the disease.

"Thank you," Tobirama says flatly. 

Tobirama knows that for a short time Hashirama considered Kagami a brother. Perhaps he was happy to have an Uchiha he could finally openly embrace. Perhaps now Hashirama and Madara are now laughing together in the afterlife. Tobirama quickly dismisses the thought; if there’s any justice in the world, Hashirama and Madara haven’t ended up in the same place. 

“When is the funeral?” Kagami asks quietly. 

“Two days’ time.”

“I’ll be better by then,” Kagami promises. 

“Just worry about resting,” Tobirama replies.

* * *

Tobirama’s been to countless funerals. Despite the strides the village has made towards unity, they’re largely still clan affairs. Of course Hashirama’s is different. The entire village is there despite the bleak weather, like a flock of ravens dressed all in black mourning clothes. 

Before the ceremony begins, people gather to mingle and gossip. Poor Mito is confronted by those who wish to offer condolences. Tobirama suspects what they really want to know is what happened to Hashirama. 

Very few people know the truth. There’s talk that the hokage left on a secret mission and was killed, as if anyone would be strong enough to kill Hashirama. Some people suspect Hashirama was poisoned, though by whom they dare not speculate. 

Touka stays at Tobirama’s side, shooting intimidating looks at anyone who dares to get too close. She understands that Tobirama wants the ceremony to start soon so that it can be over, so that he can retreat to somewhere more private and not have to bear the weight of all these eyes on him. 

Everyone assumes that he must know something. He hates that everyone is wrong. 

Touka’s muttering something to him about how they’ll all be frozen to death before the ceremony starts. Tobirama’s only half listening, his eyes scanning the crowd. He spots Kagami roughly fifty feet away talking with Danzo and Homura. The Uchiha looks so small in his black mourning clothes. Tobirama can see the way he shivers in the cold even as far away as he stands. His fever only finally broke the past evening, yet Kagami stubbornly insisted he’d be at the funeral.

Tobirama murmurs a half-hearted apology to Touka before leaving her mid-conversation. 

Conversation stalls between the three young jounin as Tobirama approaches the three of them. Without greeting, he shrugs his fur collar off his shoulders and drapes it over Kagami. The Uchiha clearly needs it more than he does. 

“You’re cold,” Tobirama says. 

Kagami nods. There’s a dusting of pink on his cheeks. “Thank you,” he says. He tangles his hands in the white fur, adjusting it slightly so it sits better on his shoulders. It’s still comically large on his small frame, swallowing him up. 

Tobirama nods to Danzo and Homura, then leaves to rejoin Touka’s side before either of them can offer him a word of consolation. Touka gives him a curious look but doesn’t remark on his actions.

In time, mourners begin to gather, grouping together in their clans. The younger generation mingles together more, something that Hashirama would have been pleased to see, but by and large families stand near one another. Next to the Senju, the Uchiha are the largest clan in attendance. 

Tobirama is surprised when Kagami comes to stand next to him. The Uchiha doesn’t speak, wordlessly taking his place at Tobirama’s side. Tobirama hadn’t considered that Kagami would stand with him rather than his own clan. 

The funeral ceremony begins, the same words Tobirama’s heard countless times echoing through the air. It still doesn’t feel real that Hashirama is gone. In the freezing air and steady drizzle, it’s easy to give into a feeling of numbness, the same feeling he hid behind as a child when having to bury his brothers. 

A sudden burst of warmth pulls Tobirama from his reverie. He looks down, surprised to see that Kagami has grabbed his hand, linking their fingers together loosely. Kagami stares straight ahead, silent tears streaming down his face. 

Tobirama doesn’t pull away, letting Kagami take what comfort he needs from the touch.

* * *

When Tobirama finally returns to the apartment after the funeral, he catches a glimpse of Kagami on the floor with Hashirama’s granddaughter. Cards are spread out in front of the two of them as well as a few small coins. Tsunade’s already acquired Hashirama’s love of gambling. At least for the moment she’s content to compete for pocket change. 

“How come you’re wearing Uncle Tobirama’s fur?” she asks Kagami curiously as she pulls a card from the center pile between them, studying it carefully before swapping it with a card in her hand. 

“Well he’s my husband,” Kagami responds as he takes his turn. “You were at the wedding, weren’t you?”

Tsunade considers this, then nods. “You looked very nice,” she says seriously.

“Thank you, Princess Tsunade.”

Tsunade giggles. “I’m not actually a princess, you know.” She draws a card from the pile and sighs dramatically, keeping it in her hand and stalling for a moment as she considers what card to get rid of. “You’re really married to Uncle Tobirama?” she repeats. 

“I am,” Kagami says. "Does that surprise you?"

Another giggle bubbles up from Tsunade's chest. She laughs like her late grandfather, loud and unabashed in her joy. "You're my uncle too then," she declares. 

"I suppose I am,” Kagami agrees. “Are you going to finish your turn?"

Tobirama clears his throat as he enters the room. Tsunade smiles up at him. No matter how serious his expression, she’s never been frightened. "Uncle Tobirama, are you gonna play with us?" she asks hopefully. 

"Tsunade. I was hoping to steal Kagami away."

Tsunade pouts. "I was winning though."

Kagami pushes the small stack of coins towards her, a blatant attempt at appeasement. "You were. We'll play more later, alright?" He gets up to his feet, then follows Tobirama off into a side hall. 

"You don't have to entertain her,” Tobirama says.

"I don't mind," Kagami insists. He fiddles with the clasp of Tobirama's fur collar. "Do you want this back?"

Tobirama shakes his head. "You're likely to get sick again."

"I'm not a child."

"You're many things. A child isn't one of them."

Kagami blushes. "What I mean is you don't need to spend so much time worrying over me. I'm sure there are more important things you need to focus on right now."

There are several thoughts going through Tobirama's head, unable to find a path to his voice. That he missed Kagami. That in the wake of Hashirama's death, it's been a godsend to have someone else to focus on. That if he stops to actually process what's happened, the force of his grief is so strong that he fears it will break him. 

Kagami reaches forward, giving Tobirama's hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll keep Princess Tsunade entertained. I think her mother's a bit overwhelmed right now "

When Tobirama doesn't release Kagami's hand, the Uchiha looks up at him. There's something like curiosity gracing his features. "Unless you needed me for something?"

Tobirama lets go. "No. You're right. Tsunade will get into trouble if left to her own devices."

He watches as Kagami walks away, unable to place the unfamiliar emotion pooling in his stomach.

* * *

Now that Hashirama has been properly mourned by the village, a council will meet the next day to discuss the future of Konoha. Tobirama is already exhausted thinking about it, and he allows himself the luxury of retiring for the evening at a reasonable hour.

Kagami stirs when he gets into bed. "I didn't wake you, did I?" Tobirama asks. 

He hears Kagami shuffle around in the sea of blankets. To his surprise Kagami curls up against him, his curls tickling Tobirama’s chin. 

Kagami's voice is small. "Is this okay?"

Is it okay for the Uchiha to ask for physical comfort from his spouse? Once again Tobirama wishes for a simpler situation, for a world where they didn't meet as Senju and Uchiha or as sensei and student. 

But the world's brought them together now, as spouses sharing a bed. Tobirama adjusts, letting his arm fall over Kagami, anchoring him close. He can feel the wetness of Kagami's cheeks on his chest and realizes the Uchiha has been crying. Kagami didn't know Hashirama personally for very long, but then again his brother had always been quick to endear himself to others. 

"The two of us will have to find an apartment soon," Tobirama murmurs. The hokage's apartment will become someone else's home. The thought doesn't leave him feeling sentimental. It was never the space itself, but rather the people who resided in it that he was attached to. Now Mito will go live with one of her children and help raise her grandchildren, free from the duties that come with being the hokage's wife. 

Tobirama's only barely begun to consider what life will look like without his duties as the hokage's brother. 

"The two of us?" Kagami repeats. 

Tobirama finds himself parroting words Kagami spoke to Tsunade. "You are my husband." He imagines he can feel the blush heating Kagami's cheeks. 

"Do you think…" Kagami begins, trailing off. 

"Hm?" Tobirama prods when it becomes clear Kagami isn't going to continue on his own. 

"Do you think...he didn't want you to be alone?"

Tobirama isn't sure what Hashirama was thinking in the final weeks of his life. He can’t begin to comprehend the thoughts his brother chose to not share with him. When he tries to understand, it's like a target hovering just outside his reach. Hashirama could see an entire playing field, while Tobirama continues to only catch blurry glimpses. 

This marriage is about more than peace with the Uchiha, of that much Tobirama is certain. But certainly there were less drastic ways to make sure Tobirama wouldn't be left alone after Hashirama’s passing, ways that didn't involve pulling another individual into a messy web of politics and emotion. 

"I don't know," Tobirama finally admits quietly. They're three words he hates to say. He hates more than anything that he may never know. 

Kagami hums softly in acknowledgement. "Good night. Husband."

The word still sounds foreign and strange, but it begins to sound less like a burden, more like a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not quite out of the angsty woods yet, but we're starting to see some light for these two! I know this chapter took a little bit longer to create so I hope you enjoyed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, no specific warnings. This chapter again delves into grief quite a bit, so just be prepared.

Grief is a heavy thing. It reminds Kagami of the weights Tobirama would sometimes make his students wear while they practiced taijutsu, the leaden bands around their wrists and ankles making it infinitely more difficult to execute even the most basic of forms. But those bands would eventually be removed, and without the excess weight holding them down they’d find their movements so much quicker, more fluid. 

The pain of losing someone isn’t so easily shed. It’s a weighted band constricting the chest, tightening with every heartbeat in a world now absent a loved one. It’s made worse by the way Kagami sees Tobirama try to carry on as if the world hasn’t changed at all. He knows that he’s not just overly emotional, as his clan is so often accused of being. Mito may try to be stoic as well, but other Senju are deep in their grief. So much of the village is. Hashirama belonged to them all. 

But his brother, the person with the greatest entitlement to all-consuming grief, wears a mask of normality. It’s only because Kagami is in such close proximity to Tobirama that he can see the way the elder man’s becoming frayed at the edges, too many responsibilities paired with a lack of sleep finally catching up to him. 

Kagami can’t imagine how Tobirama feels. Not when he has less than half the burden yet feels so tired down to his bones. It’s why he sleeps in the morning after the funeral, still drained from the lingering effects of his fever. He hopes that he’ll feel more like himself in a few days when his mission with Hiruzen and Danzo is restarted. 

Perhaps the cruelest thing about losing someone is the way the world still spins. People will wake up today and the next and the day after that and go about their lives. Hashirama is gone, but the Hidden Leaf still needs to be protected. There are missions to be completed. But for today, Kagami has his own set of tasks he’d like to get done as long as he’s back in Konoha and unencumbered by any other responsibilities.

He dresses quickly and is almost out of the apartment when Tobirama stops him by asking, “Where are you going?”

Kagami shrugs. “There are a few things I wanted to do this morning. I won’t be gone long,” he promises. In truth, it will be a welcome relief to get out of the apartment. It’s been crammed with members of the Senju clan, from Hashirama’s children and grandchildren to distant cousins, aunts, and uncles. No one’s been unwelcoming to Kagami. Tsunade’s parents are even thankful for the way he often plays with the little girl. But all the same, he feels as though he’s intruding on something.

Perhaps Tobirama is also tired of sharing his home with so many people. Kagami knows that Tobirama’s elder cousin Touka has been pestering him relentlessly, mother henning him at every moment to make sure he’s alright. Still, it surprises Kagami all the same when Tobirama says, “Do you mind if I come with you?”

They’ve never been out together. Not in the casual way of people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The funeral was the first time many people caught a glimpse of them together. Kagami could feel the stares, though at least the howling wind had drowned out most of the whispers. He’d tugged Tobirama’s fur collar more tightly around his shoulders and kept his gaze trained ahead. 

The thought of Tobirama accompanying him feels so strange, but no stranger than any other small step they’ve taken forward together. And so Kagami nods and says, “Of course.”

In the bustling streets of Konoha, they have to walk closely together to not be separated by the crowd. Kagami can’t help but think about how closely they talk together, how simple yet impossible it would be to reach out and take Tobirama’s hand as they walk side by side. But then he notices the curious looks they already get for simply walking together and thinks that perhaps this is enough for one day. 

They stop briefly at a food stall, Kagami ordering a skewer of grilled shishito peppers and not being able to object quickly enough when Tobirama plucks a coin out of his pocket to pay for him. 

“Just tell me this isn’t your breakfast,” Tobirama says as they continue to walk down the crowded street. 

“I won’t,” Kagami says through a mouthful of deliciously seasoned peppers. If Tobirama wasn’t with him, he’d probably have stopped at a dessert stall for some strawberry mochi. Sweets are one of the things he misses most when away from Konoha. He still remembers how Tobirama would take them out for dango when they were genin celebrating completing basic missions. “Would you like a bite?” he asks, offering the skewer to Tobirama. 

Tobirama shakes his head. “It’s no wonder you hardly grew if this is how you eat.”

It takes Kagami a second to realize that Tobirama is teasing him. He smiles, looking up to face the elder man. “And perhaps you’d smile more often if you ate some sweets,” he says smugly before taking another savory bite of spicy peppers. He imagines he catches the faintest trace of a smile on Tobirama’s face.

It’s not a long walk to their next stop. “Flowers?” Tobirama asks when they reach the shop run by a side branch of the Yamanaka clan. 

“It won’t be long,” Kagami promises. 

Kagami loves the overwhelmingly sweet aroma of the shop. He could spend hours studying the delicate petals of the flowers and asking the kindly shop owner what they all symbolize. It’s something kunoichi are taught in their supplemental training, and Kagami’s picked it up as well over the last few years. 

“Kagami,” the elderly woman running the shop today says warmly. “I must have gotten my days mixed up. I don’t have your usual order prepared.”

Kagami flushes, trying to ignore the curious look Tobirama gives him. “I’m here for something else, actually. Could you make something simple? I was thinking white and yellow chrysanthemums.”

The woman nods in approval before noticing Tobirama. “Lord Senju,” she says, her demeanor shifting suddenly. Her words seem stiff, overly formal, as she says, “Is there something you needed?”

“Just accompanying Kagami,” Tobirama replies. 

The woman gives them a curious look before retreating to the back of her shop to assemble an arrangement for Kagami. 

“You come here often?” Tobirama asks. 

“Often enough,” Kagami replies. 

Tobirama is thankfully able to recognize the curt answer for what it is: a strong desire to not talk about the matter any further. The silence that settles between the two of them could easily pass as companionable. 

The woman returns a few minutes later. Kagami thanks her and passes over a few coins in exchange for the delicate assortment of flowers she’s put together. He assures her that he’ll be back in a few weeks for his usual order and she gives him a gentle smile. 

They return to the winding streets of the city. Tobirama must realize the direction Kagami is steering them, further and further towards Konoha’s outskirts, but he says nothing, not even as they walk together into the cemetery’s well-kept grounds. 

Perhaps Kagami should have done this a different day, a day when he could have come on his own. But he’ll be leaving on a mission soon, and it doesn’t feel right to put it off. 

Hashirama’s grave is buried by tokens of mourning. Kagami inhales softly and steps forward, feeling Tobirama’s eyes on his back as he adds his own small offering. He sends up a prayer to any god that’s listening that Hashirama is at peace. 

It still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone. Kagami scrubs at his eyes and takes a step back but keeps his gaze trained on the ground. That heavy weight is back on his chest, like a boulder pressing on his lungs. 

“He really did consider you a brother,” Tobirama says. Kagami looks up in surprise, studying Tobirama’s stoic expression. How he can be so level and guarded, even now when they’re standing at his brother’s grave, Kagami doesn’t understand. 

“How?” Kagami asks. His voice is thick. He rubs at his eyes again, but it’s impossible to stop a few tears from falling. “How are you so…” he trails off, gesturing vaguely in an attempt to capture what words can’t. He knows that shinobi don’t cry, that they set aside emotions for the sake of completing missions, but he can’t understand how Tobirama does it so perfectly. How even now he’s able to wear that mask of indifference. 

Tobirama is quiet for so long that Kagami doesn’t expect an answer. But finally he says, “I grew up in a different world. We didn’t have time to mourn properly. Tears were seen as a dishonor to the memory of our fallen clansmen.” He studies his brother’s grave with red eyes that seem to be viewing something else. “Hashirama cried when our younger brother died. He couldn’t help but be emotional. I had to protect him from our father’s anger.”

“I didn’t know you had another brother,” Kagami says. 

“Two. My younger brothers Kawarama and Itama. They died as children.”

Kagami thinks about how Hashirama lived so much longer, yet he still died so young. He knows that he’s privileged to be part of a world where forty is now considered a young age to die. But it’s the world that Hashirama created, the world that people expected he’d be around to lead for decades more. He wants to ask Tobirama what happened to Hashirama. Whatever it is, it’s a closely guarded secret and he’s wise enough to know that now isn’t an appropriate time to ask. 

“Your brothers aren’t buried here?” Kagami asks. 

Tobirama shakes his head. “The old Senju clan cemetery,” he says. “My cousin Touka still goes to make sure their graves are cared for.”

Kagami knows that the Uchiha have a similar plot of land somewhere beyond the outskirts of Konoha. Those buried there feel like distant ancestors despite some being only a few generations removed. 

“Will you show me sometime?” Kagami asks quietly. 

He sees the surprise that registers on Tobirama’s face. “You’d want to see?”

Kagami offers a small rise and fall of his shoulders. “I come here a few times a month to leave flowers for my mother,” he explains. “I could help your cousin look after your brothers too.” He doesn’t know if Tobirama would even want his help, or if any Senju would want an Uchiha paying remembrance in their clan’s burial ground. 

He waits for Tobirama to tell him that it’s impractical, a waste of time and money to leave offerings for the dead. Instead he asks, “Your mother?”

It was some years ago, but it still feels raw to talk about it. The grief over losing her hasn’t left Kagami, hanging over him instead like a dense shadow. “She got sick,” he says. 

“Did she go to the healers?”

Kagami understands what Tobirama is really asking. Many of the best medic nin are Senju. There are still Uchiha, especially in the elder generations, who refuse to be seen by them, instead depending on members of their own clan. And while the Uchiha are skilled at many things, healing has never been a talent many of their ranks possess. 

“She did,” Kagami says, hugging his cloak around himself to ward off the chill delivered by a sudden breeze. He’d been a jounin for some time when his mother first fell ill. Every time he’d come home from a long mission, it had seemed as though there was less and less of her. Death had seemed like a kindness when it finally took her. 

He feels Tobirama’s touch on his forearm, so light yet still so firm. “Kagami. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Of course Tobirama would be. They’re standing at his brother’s grave, yet it’s Kagami who’s being treated with sympathy. “It was a few years ago,” he says. He looks over to the area of the cemetery where he knows her stone is placed to avoid meeting Tobirama’s eyes. The grief is still so tangible, perhaps amplified by recent loss. He won’t be able to handle whatever emotion is Tobirama’s expression, be it understanding or condescension or that same neutral mask he so often wears. 

“The pain of losing someone never goes away,” Tobirama says. From his peripheral vision, Kagami watches as Tobirama approaches Hashirama’s grave, brushing nonexistent dirt from the stone. “Shinobi endure the unimaginable to protect the ones we love.”

Kagami knows that it’s not just Hashirama that Tobirama is thinking about. He scrubs at his eyes again, wiping wet knuckles on the fabric of his cloak. He wishes not for the first time that he could find the thread of vulnerability somewhere in Tobirama and tug, unraveling that composed demeanor until he could peek through and understand the man’s true feelings. 

Tobirama steps back from Hashirama’s grave, returning to face Kagami. His red eyes seem so analytical, appraising what he sees. Kagami doesn’t so much as breathe when Tobirama reaches up a hand to swipe away a teardrop with his thumb. 

They’re so close, chests mere inches apart. Kagami wants to reach up and trace those red marks on Tobirama’s face, to finally satisfy his curiosity and ask where they mean and where they came from. He wants to close the small gap between them and press himself flush against Tobirama, as if the proximity will allow him to crawl into the other man’s skin and truly understand him. 

He wants to feel Tobirama in a way that’s not forced like their wedding night. He wants something raw and emotional, two characteristics that he’d never think of assigning to Tobirama. He feels a want so strong that it might consume him, its force stronger than the burden of grief. 

Kagami exhales. It’s cold enough that he can see his breath. Somehow that serves to ground him. It reminds him where they are. A cemetery isn’t the place for this, if there’s any place for whatever this is with Tobirama at all. 

“Your meeting with the elders is today?” he asks as he shifts away from Hashirama’s grave and begins walking. Tobirama takes only a moment before falling into stride with him. 

Tobirama nods. “I’m sure they won’t agree on anything other than that I’ve been running Konoha wrong.”

Kagami has seen the stress that Tobirama puts himself under, trying to piece together what essential functions have had to continue in order to prevent the village from completely collapsing. He takes them on without complaint, knowing that every action he performs in Hashirama’s absence will be criticized as a grab for power. 

If there’s one thing Kagami wholeheartedly believes, it’s that things like power and esteem mean little to Tobirama. He does what he does out of love for his brother’s legacy, for Konoha’s well-being, and a strong sense of duty. The Uchiha elders, and likely the other elders at the meeting today, will choose to see none of this. 

“They’ll select a new hokage today?” Kagami asks, then immediately wishes he hadn’t. He doesn’t miss the way Tobirama hesitates to answer. 

“They will,” he says levelly. Much more levelly than Kagami would if someone asked him who was going to replace his brother. He wants to ask Tobirama who he suspects will be nominated, but he’ll have an answer soon enough. 

Over a week later, Hashirama’s death still doesn’t feel real. No one was naive enough to believe he’d live forever, but at the same time no one thought to begin imagining a Konoha without him. He’d always been so full of life, infused with a vital energy. Konoha led by someone else seems impossible. The village’s strength has always been built upon its leader, the shinobi who first had the vision for a world where clans lived together and were united towards common goals. 

Kagami thinks to himself that he doesn’t envy the person who’s selected to uphold that legacy. His friends Hiruzen and Danzo both have dreams of becoming hokage one day, but it’s never been something he aspires to. He knows that he doesn’t have the head for politics or the patience to deal with the messiness that comes with trying to manage a village. 

“Whoever’s chosen should thank you for all you’ve done,” Kagami decides. 

“I’ve simply done what was necessary,” Tobirama replies. 

“And you just said you’ll be criticized for it,” Kagami points out stubbornly. “It’s not fair. No one understands how much you’ve done. They don’t know how much you helped your brother while he was alive.”

Tobirama’s stern expression darkens. “There are plenty of people who know and hate how much Hashirama involved me,” he corrects Kagami. 

“Why?” Kagami asks, exasperation coloring his cheeks red. “Why are you so hated?” He immediately regrets his blunt wording, but it’s too late to take back. His words seem like a bull crashing through a china shop, certain to cause disaster. 

Tobirama, however, seems to take it in stride, and Kagami hates how hardened he is to attacks on his character. “I’ve never been good with people,” he says simply.

“That isn’t true.”

“Kagami. You don’t need to try to convince me.”

“And you don’t need to talk down to me like I’m still your student,” Kagami insists. “I know I’m not your equal, but-”

“I’m not talking down to you,” Tobirama interrupts. 

Kagami has to force down the stubborn response that tries to claw its way out of his chest. He was Tobirama’s student long enough to know that appeals to emotion are rarely, if ever, successful. Instead he says, “You shouldn’t let anyone criticize you for the work you’ve done in service to Konoha.”

“If all the elders can agree upon is that everything I’ve done is wrong, at least they can be rallied around a common enemy,” Tobirama says. 

Kagami frowns. Impulsively, he reaches out to grab Tobirama’s hand and holds it tightly. “It’s not right,” he insists, looking up to meet Tobirama’s eyes in challenge. 

"It's what's effective," Tobirama replies. 

"But-"

"Results matter more than how they're obtained." Tobirama stares down at Kagami with those unreadable red eyes, and Kagami can't help but feel like a student once again on the receiving end of a lecture. 

Kagami releases Tobirama's hand. "You'll tell me what's decided?" he asks. 

"I'd bring you with me if I could. You could see firsthand just how difficult it is to get clan elders to agree on anything. This meeting will only be over before sunrise if we're lucky."

Kagami tries and fails to understand why the entire thing has to be so difficult. Then he imagines every clan's elders being as stubborn and prideful as the Uchiha and begins to see why Tobirama isn't looking forward to the entire thing. 

Kagami is thankful that he doesn't have to deal with any of the political aspects of Konoha. It's enough for him to serve his village as a jounin. In a few days there will be a new hokage, and he'll be able to resume his mission with Hiruzen and Danzo. What's less certain is how Tobirama, once so integral in keeping Konoha functioning smoothly, will fit into the new dynamic of the Hidden Leaf. 

Kagami imagines it'll largely depend on whoever's named hokage, but try as he might, he fails to see any shinobi in the village who's fit for the job. 

* * *

It’s late when Tobirama finally comes home, so late that Kagami was about to go to sleep and hope for news in the morning. But he knows that he wouldn’t have been able to sleep, not wondering how the meeting with clan heads and elders went. Not when Tobirama will come home knowing who the next hokage is to be.

All the same, he’s exhausted when Tobirama finally enters their bedroom. The elder man looks equally tired, though that’d be the case even without this meeting today. Tobirama always goes to sleep after Kagami and wakes up earlier. 

“How did the meeting go?” Kagami asks. 

Tobirama takes a long moment to answer, presumably to collect his thoughts. "Hashirama left with Mito his plan for how the village would move forward without him."

So Hashirama's death was not unexpected, at least to him. Kagami files the information away for later. Now is hardly the ideal moment to press Tobirama for more details about his late brother's passing. Now is the time to hear about how Konoha will move forward.

"He asked that Konoha establish a council of elders with representatives from the major clans," Tobirama goes on. Kagami half listens to the long list of names. Aburame. Nara. Hyuga. Shimura. Sarutobi. Others he hears, but they slip through the cracks of his mind enhanced by fatigue.

"A council? So there won't be a hokage anymore?" Kagami asks. 

"The hokage will still have authority and leadership over Konoha and relations with other hidden villages. But it'll be expected that they heed the council's guidance, especially in regard to internal affairs," Tobirama explains. Kagami tries to listen, to understand. He wishes Tobirama would just tell him what he most wants to know, then explain everything else later.

"So the council will name the next hokage?" he presses. 

Tobirama shakes his head. It takes a long moment for him to reply, a moment in which Kagami tries to imagine who's been selected and fails to find anyone worthy. 

"I've been named hokage," Tobirama finally says. There's no emotion behind the words. It's said as a mere statement of fact, a duty that he'll now rise to rather than an honor bestowed. "The daimyo still needs to approve everything that's been decided, but he will. All he needs to hear is that Hashirama planned this and he'll give his approval."

“You’ve been named hokage,” Kagami repeats. It's hard to process, to let the revelation fully sink in. He doesn't doubt Tobirama's skill as a shinobi. He's created dozens of jutsu. He can think ten steps ahead, even on the most complex of missions. He has a keen understanding of politics and the complex social fabric of Konoha. The only fault Kagami can find is that Tobirama is a Senju, and his appointment will have other clans worried that Konoha will always be run by Senju. 

"I've been named hokage," Tobirama repeats. Kagami searches the elder man's face for some indication of how he feels about his new appointment and is frustrated to find nothing.

"When will it be made official?" Kagami asks. 

"Soon. But the council wants to have an official ceremony in a few weeks' time. They'll invite the other village leaders," Tobirama explains. 

Kagami pauses for a moment at that. "I'm supposed to leave in a few days with Hiruzen and Danzo. I don't think we'll be back in time," he says. 

"Kagami." The way Tobirama says his name makes it clear that Kagami won't like whatever follows, and he tenses for some kind of rejection. He expects Tobirama to tell him it's fine that he's not there, but what the elder man says is so much worse. “If I’m to be hokage, the council doesn’t see it fit for you to continue as an active duty shinobi.”

“What? I don’t-”

“They think that sending you out of the village on missions would be a liability because of your connection to me," Tobirama states bluntly.

“ _Connection_? You mean that I’m your husband?” Kagami asks, his voice rising. It's like cold water has been thrown in his face, chasing away any fatigue. He fights against the rising tide of emotion growing in his chest, but it's so difficult. What Tobirama is telling him can't be true. He can understand elders being difficult and stubborn, but he doesn't understand why Tobirama is so willing to agree with them.

“Yes. If you were to be compromised-”

“We’re married in nothing more than name!” Kagami insists stubbornly. “Anyone who thinks they can hurt me to manipulate you is mistaken. I can’t. I _won’t_. I’m a shinobi. I don't belong stuck behind the walls of Konoha.”

“The council-”

“You’re the _hokage_! You make decisions and people will listen to you. Tell the council that you don't see their point. Please, Tobirama," Kagami pleads. He hates that he isn't above begging, but it's quickly becoming clear that his career as a shinobi is on the line. 

“It’s not like that anymore. I’ll be the hokage, but my will isn't the only thing-”

“It wasn’t like that for Hashirama," Kagami cuts in. The mention of his brother causes Tobirama's mask to drop for just a moment. In his unguarded expression, Kagami can see just how tired Tobirama is. How badly he doesn't want to end this long day with a fight. Perhaps even how deeply he doesn't covet the role of hokage, at least not the way Kagami's friends do. He understands in that moment that Tobirama will do what's asked of him out of a sense of duty, not a desire for the esteem that comes with being honored as the strongest shinobi in Konoha.

“I’m not Hashirama," Tobirama says, his voice weighted down with unfamiliar emotion. 

It's that thread of vulnerability, Kagami realizes, the one he's been chasing after for so long. It presents itself now at the worst time, a moment when Kagami wants nothing more than to grab at it and tug until Tobirama comes completely undone at the seams. However, he's not so deeply entrenched in his anger that he doesn't notice this is the moment Tobirama needs him, though by now Kagami is far too heated to be able to set his emotions aside. 

"And what am I if not a shinobi?" he asks, the challenge clear in his voice. He can't be there for Tobirama in this moment, not when the elder man is refusing to be there for him.

"There's the hospital. The academy. You could-"

"I'm not a medic nin. I don't want to be a teacher." 

Tobirama lets silence hang between them for a few tense seconds. It's a tactic he would often employ when Kagami was his student, giving him time to think through whatever rash declaration or insult he'd thrown out. When combined with his stern gaze and air of disappointment, it had often worked when Kagami was a child and he'd sheepishly provide an apology more often than not. 

He may not be Tobirama's equal now, but he's a jounin. An elite ninja. He's been sent on countless dangerous missions and he won't be treated like a petulent genin. "I won't let you tell me what I can't do," Kagami insists stubbornly. "Tell the council that you don't care what happens to me. Tell them that I can't be used as leverage against you. Tell them-"

"You'll do what's asked of you for the sake of your village," Tobirama says. "Unless you choose not to see that as part of being a shinobi."

Kagami feels heat rise to his cheeks. He's a talented shinobi, something that no one seems to have considered in making this decision. He has pride in few things, but he knows he's more skilled than many of his clansmen. "I have done everything asked of me, but I won't do this," he says, fighting to keep his voice from rising.

Tobirama shakes his head. Kagami sees condescension in his gaze and it makes his blood boil. "You aren't thinking clearly. We can talk about this again in the morning when you've calmed down."

"I am thinking clearly. You're the one who's not considering how I feel. You get to be named hokage, and what do I get? Everything will be taken away from me, and for what?" Kagami exhales forcefully, unable to stop his sharingan from flashing in his anger. He doesn’t miss the way Tobirama reflexively looks away. 

And he storms out of the apartment without looking back, letting the door slam behind him.

* * *

Hikaku is the only person Kagami can think of going to. He’s much closer with Danzo and Hiruzen, but it feels like too much of a burden to ask them to help him hide from the person who’s now been named hokage. He knows it’s also too much of an ask for Hikaku, his wife Izumi, and their infant daughter, but his distant cousin just ushers him out of the pouring rain and into their home without question. 

It’s only once Kagami’s been given a change of clothes and a cup of tea that the questioning begins. 

“Did he hurt you?” Hikaku asks. 

Kagami laughs. It’s a hollow sound that rattles around in his chest. “He doesn’t even touch me.”

“Then I don’t understand-”

“He’s been named hokage.”

“Senju Tobirama has been named hokage?” Hikaku asks.

Kagami realizes that perhaps he wasn’t supposed to reveal that bit of information yet. It certainly won’t please many in the Uchiha clan to see another Senju in power. “Don’t tell anyone else yet,” he says. “Please.”

Hikaku nods, seeming to come to the same conclusion himself. “I won’t,” he promises. “So long as you tell me what’s going on.” 

“The elders don’t think the hokage’s spouse should be a shinobi. They think it’s too much of a risk,” Kagami explains. “But I’m not his husband. Not really. He doesn’t care about me like that.”

Hikaku’s expression is unreadable. For a moment Kagami worries that he’ll agree with the elders and throw him out of his house. But he doesn’t. Because Hikaku is kind and caring, and Kagami chose to come to him because he knows these things. “You can stay here as long as you need to, Kagami," Hikaku promises. “It’s late. We’ll talk more about this later, alright?”

* * *

And stay Kagami does. He helps Izumi take care of her daughter, Naori. Like her namesake, the little girl already has a fighting spirit, and the family seems relieved to have one more set of hands helping to take care of her. 

He tries not to think about the way his world has folded in upon itself. He can’t hide from Tobirama, certainly not if the Senju is going to rise to the rank of hokage. The hokage is the person with the ultimate authority in assigning missions, after all. If Tobirama doesn’t want Kagami to leave Konoha, he’s essentially trapped.

Trapped away from his clan. Trapped with a man who still sees him as nothing more than a child to be scolded. Trapped in a facade of a marriage with someone who doesn't love him. 

And it was so close to being something else. For just a moment Kagami was able to look into Tobirama's eyes and catch a glimpse of a future that could be something else. Now he knows that’s gone. Shattered, the pieces stamped on until they're nothing but dust. He was a fool to think anything could ever be different. Tobirama’s never wanted him and he can’t see that changing.

Kagami trusts Hikaku, but he also knows the way that gossip spreads like wildfire throughout the Uchiha clan. It comes as no surprise when after only three days of hiding away, a messenger is banging on the door of his cousin’s home, demanding to be let in. Hikaku gestures for Kagami to stay put before going to face the man himself.

Hikaku feigns obliviousness at first, keeping the man confined to no further than a foot in the home. “Is there a problem?” he asks. 

“I’m here for the Senju,” the man states bluntly. Kagami can’t place his voice, but it’s familiar enough. Another distant cousin. 

“There are no Senju here. Only Uchiha,” Hikaku responds, his tone pleasant. 

“You know who I mean. Kagami,” the messenger continues. The way he says Kagami’s name makes it sound like a dirty thing. “Please. I don’t want this to become messy, Hikaku. The elders have asked that I bring Kagami to them. Hand the boy over and I can leave you be.”

“Kagami’s no child. He’s an adult who’s free to come and go as he pleases,” Hikaku replies. Kagami detects the slightest trace of an edge in his voice. 

In another room, Naori begins to cry and he hears how Izumi rushes to soothe her. 

Kagami swallows, combs a hand through his messy hair, and steps into the entryway of the home before further threat can be leveled against Hikaku. His cousin doesn’t deserve to end up in trouble with the clan for showing him nothing but kindness for the last few days. 

“It’s alright,” Kagami says. He gives Hikaku a look that he hopes conveys how thankful he is to have had this time to escape, even if he’s barely begun to figure out a way forward. “I should be going. Tell Izumi thank you for everything.”

“Come back and see Naori some time,” Hikaku says. “She’s taken a liking to you.”

Kagami nods, understanding the invitation for what it is: an escape, should he need to use it again. He knows that Hikaku will be a good clan head one day, should the elders be wise enough to appoint him. 

He forces a smile as he steps outside, letting the door to Hikaku’s residence swing shut behind him. He’s unsure where he’s headed, but the place he’s called home for the last few days is no longer an option. He looks to the Uchiha who’s been summoned to fetch him, an unfamiliar man several years older. 

“Where am I being summoned?” he asks, doing his best to keep his voice light and pleasant. He’s never had a meeting with the clan elders on his own. Even when his sharingan awakened and they’d wanted to inspect his eyes, his mother had been there with him, fiercely protective. He’d just lost his sensei and fellow teammates, and she’d been as ferocious as a mother bear protecting her cub. 

“I’m to escort you,” the man says. 

Kagami blinks. “The elders don’t trust me not to run away?”

The elder man snorts. “Can you blame them?”

Kagami feels his blood boil at the unfair criticism, but he tamps down his reply. He’s quickly guided through the winding streets to their clan’s meeting hall. He’s been here before, but it’s always been when the entire clan has gathered. Never has he seen the space so empty. 

The messenger leaves him at the door, watching hawkishly to make sure Kagami actually enters the room where three elders are assembled. There’s Uchiha Raiden, a man who was ancient even back when Kagami was a child. Madara had especially hated him, calling the man all sorts of insults. To his left sits Uchiha Hibiki, and to his right Uchiha Kosuke. That there are three of them has Kagami on edge, though truthfully facing even one of them would be more than enough to have him feeling uneasy.

He bows his head respectfully to the three elders before sitting down with them.

There are no pleasantries exchanged before Raiden launches in. Clearly he’ll be the one leading this exchange. “You thought you could run away from your husband.” His voice is dry. It has the same effect as dust being thrown into Kagami’s face. 

“Hikaku has a young daughter. She’s colicky. I was helping him care for her,” Kagami says back. 

Offering a defense proves a mistake, especially such a flimsy one. It’s Kosuke who picks up where Raiden left off. “Tell us, Kagami. You are a loyal Uchiha, yes?”

Kagami feels like ripe carrion being appraised by three leering vultures. He nods, knowing that he’s walking into some kind of trap. 

“Then it’ll serve you well to remember your place,” Kosuke says. 

“And what is my place?” Kagami asks before he can think better of such an outburst. “Trapped within the walls of Konoha? I can bring no honor to our clan when I’m not able to serve our village.”

Hibiki speaks next. “Has your husband told you that a council’s been established?”

Kagami swallows thickly. He can never be sure, but honestly seems like his best option. He gives the elders a small nod. 

“Did he tell you that the Senju and Uchiha clans aren’t represented?” Hibiki continues. 

Kagami shakes his head. “No, Lord Hibiki.”

“The Senju will have no seat on the council while one of their own serves as the leader of the village,” Hibiki explains. “It was also decided that the Uchiha will not either. At least not while one of our own is married to the hokage.”

Kagami is not sure what they expect him to say. He remains quiet, refraining from pointing out that he did not ask to be married to Tobirama in the first place. 

“And so your place will be at your husband’s side,” Raiden continues. “Or on your knees if that’s how the White Demon would prefer to have you.”

Kagami feels a chill rush over him once he fully understands the innuendo. This is why the elders, and perhaps so much of the clan, thinks that he’s run away. They think Tobirama’s been using him. They’re under the impression that Tobirama’s been taking advantage of him, and yet they’d be more than willing to continue to whore him out if it meant gaining a single ounce of political sway. Disgust rises in his throat, and he fights to suppress it. He’s always known he’s not favored by his clan, but he’s never imagined their indifference towards him ran so deep. 

Yet it’s the villainization of Tobirama’s character that Kagami is first able to find the words to respond to. “He’s not a demon. He isn’t like that.”

The three elders share a look, as if wondering how many times Kagami has already gotten down on his knees for Tobirama’s benefit. 

“And just as no Uchiha would trust a Senju at his back, what Senju would trust his cock in an Uchiha’s mouth?” he continues. The comment earns him a slap across the face. The sting is little compared to the humiliation it brings, but what dignity does he have left to lose in the eyes of his clan?

“Our clan has been denied proper respect because of you,” Kosuke hisses. “You will hold that wicked tongue of yours in the presence of your husband.”

Kagami stares at the three of them. His voice is somehow steady when he says, “I’m afraid I don’t have half the influence over him that you seem to think.”

“Then you’d best find it,” Raiden says in that grating voice he possesses, the one that Madara would so often mock. “Kami knows why the White Demon chose you, ungrateful child that you are.”

At first Kagami thinks that he’s misheard. His clan elders chose him, yet neither of them correct what Raiden has just said. In fact, neither of them seem remotely surprised by it. “The clan chose to give me away,” he protests. 

Kosuke snorts. “It was something that two-faced Senju insisted upon, that his demon of a younger brother be free to choose. Imagine our relief when he chose you. So forgive us, Kagami, if we don’t believe Lord Tobirama is as indifferent to you as you claim. I seem to recall he was awfully quick on your wedding night.”

Not even the humiliation of the elder’s words finds its way to Kagami. He’s too lost in the truth that’s been laid before him. It can’t be true that Tobirama was free to choose him. Not when he’s acted equally as trapped in everything. It doesn’t make sense that Tobirama would choose him, then keep him at arm’s length and make him feel so unwanted. 

His clan must be mistaken in imagining Tobirama favors him. It’s a cruel joke that they expect him to wield influence over the man now called hokage. 

“If you’re loyal to your clan, Kagami, it’ll serve you well to endear yourself to your husband,” Hibiki says. 

Kagami feels what he imagines to be a fraction of the loathing Uchiha Madara must have had for the men who oversee the Uchiha clan. He can’t imagine the arrogance it must take to insult someone in one breath, then demand certain behaviors in the next. He gets to his feet, ignoring the disapproving looks the three of them give him. 

Before he can be ordered to sit down he says, “The messenger you sent said they were looking for a Senju.”

“You are an Uchiha,” Raiden rasps, his voice like sandpaper scraping against Kagami’s raw cheek. 

“I am the husband of the hokage,” Kagami says, meeting each man’s eyes in turn. “If you hope for any kind of favor with him, you’ll remember it.”

None of the elders dares stop him when he moves to leave the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just like that we're halfway through this story! How wild is that?


	6. Chapter 6

If anyone were to challenge him, Tobirama would have only this to say in his defense: he never asked to be named hokage. 

He’s never been drawn to prestige. He doesn’t even require recognition for the things he’s done for Konoha’s benefit. He’s heard shinobi from the younger generation boast to each other about how one day they’ll be named hokage, earning the coveted title of the strongest shinobi in the village. But there’s so much more than mere strength needed to steer the village, especially in peacetime. That was something he and Hashirama were unprepared for.

Leadership came easily to Hashirama, the ability to inspire confidence as natural to him as breathing. Tobirama is able to command a small unit of shinobi under his authority while completing missions, but he’s keenly aware that he lacks the social grace to unite an entire village. In that regard, what he had with Hashirama was ideal for the both of them. Tobirama was able to stay in the shadows, guiding his elder brother when it was needed, sharing the burden of being hokage without having to tire himself with any of the social obligations. 

Tobirama knows his ideas, like developing an academy or a system for ranking missions, were only ever implemented because Hashirama presented them as his own. The fact that the same idea could be received better just because a different person was presenting it never fails to frustrate Tobirama, not because his ego is so great that he needs credit for the work he’s done, but because he’s watched Hashirama parrot words he coached him on saying and in turn watched as clan elders suddenly agree to consider ideas they’d previously scoffed at when Tobirama had introduced them. 

But of course there was still pushback, always a give and take, and that was where Tobirama always stepped in to argue. In the early days of Konoha, clans saw every step towards strengthening the village as an attack on their autonomy. When faced with such volatile emotion, Tobirama was only ever to recite reasons, facts, and stubborn proof that this was the right way forward. It would again predictably fall to Hashirama to soothe, to pacify, to repeat the arguments Tobirama had spouted off, yet somehow his deep voice paired with his gentle smile had made them seem more convincing. 

Now Hashirama is gone and Tobirama doesn’t understand what his elder brother has done. Any of it. 

He badgered Mito to explain until she finally gave in, doing so with clear reticence and only after swearing Tobirama to secrecy. It was important to Hashirama that no one know how sick he was, even now that he’s gone. Mito explained that Hashirama decided it would have made Konoha seem vulnerable in the eyes of other hidden villages, and he worried that clans wouldn’t stay unified if they feared the loss of leadership. 

But Hashirama’s death has made them vulnerable all the same. Had Tobirama known, they could have prepared. They could have worked together to find some cure. Now he’s only able to ask Mito to recount what happened, to list the symptoms Hashirama experienced, when they started and how they progressed. He learns that Hashirama’s illness started less than half a year ago. It was something he couldn’t heal, and something Mito had never seen before. It ate away at him from the inside. Mito developed seals to slow its progression, to give Hashirama borrowed time. She cried as she explained it all to Tobirama. It was as close as stoic, poised Mito would ever come to asking for forgiveness. 

Tobirama is still haunted by his brother’s appearance on his deathbed, how his dark hair was streaked with gray, his once smooth face sunken and lined. Mito had known every day what was behind the henge he’d used. She’d known and been the one person keeping Hashirama’s secret. She’d known this was coming, though she hadn’t realized it would come so soon. She’d thought they had months, perhaps even a year left. But in hindsight, she confesses, perhaps that had all just been wishful thinking.

At the meeting of elders she’d been there to present Hashirama’s final wishes. No one dared speak out against the hokage’s grieving widow, though the skepticism and tension in the room had been nearly tangible. Mito’s hands had shaken as she unfolded pieces of paper. Tobirama could recognize Hashirama’s messy handwriting. He was left to wonder how long ago Hashirama had written out his plan for how Konoha would continue on without him. 

Hashirama’s grand plan turned out to be a council: major clans each getting a sliver of influence. A noble idea that would turn out to be a nightmare when put into practice as soon as something needed to be decided. Tobirama would have been able to tell Hashirama as much, which is perhaps why his brother didn’t ask. 

Smaller, less influential clans are already upset that they’ve been left out. The Hatake are too small, the Inuzuka too recently absorbed into Konoha. There are reasons that can be pointed out to clan elders, though they do little to soothe hot tempers. Even as it stands, Hashirama’s proposed council is already too big, and yet it won’t have representatives from the two clans that first brought Konoha together. 

At the meeting, Tobirama had given Hashirama’s son a meaningful look when Mito finished reading the list of clan names. Now wasn’t the time to raise an argument over the exclusion of the Senju. It was the time to hear everything that Hashirama had planned, to assess how the gathered clan elders would react to the proposal in entirety, and go from there. 

However, some vulture-like Uchiha hadn’t shared the same sense of restraint. “We won’t have this,” he rasped. “The Uchiha won’t accept the leadership of any council we’re not part of.”

Mito had leveled the elder with a stern gaze. Any lesser man would have cowered. “The council is to guide the hokage,” she replied, her tone clipped. 

“And who is to be the next hokage?” another clan elder, an Aburame, asked. 

Mito looked at Tobirama only briefly. She didn’t have the chance to say his name before a cacophony of protests broke out, clan elders raising their voices to be heard over one another. The irony was not lost on Tobirama that the one thing they could agree on was that he was not fit for the role. 

“Who gave the hokage the authority to name his successor?”

“We won’t bend over for some kind of Senju monarchy!”

Tobirama didn’t disagree with any of the points being raised. It didn’t make sense for another Senju to succeed Hashirama as hokage. It would be better for someone from another clan to take leadership of Konoha. A show of good faith. A chance for new ideas to flourish and prosper.

But this is what Hashirama planned. And of the two of them, Hashirama has always been able to see the bigger picture, to look past overwhelming odds in any given moment and cling stubbornly to a larger vision. If Tobirama has to choose, he chooses to put his faith in what Hashirama has laid out for Konoha. 

Though he curses his brother for not once talking with him. The two of them could have worked out a better plan, one that made sense both in the present moment and in the long term. But perhaps, as improbable as it sounds, Hashirama had his mind set on Tobirama becoming hokage. And perhaps the only way Hashirama imagined that ever being accepted was for it to come as a surprise to everyone, including Tobirama. 

At the meeting, it was Mito who spoke in Tobirama’s defense, pointing out that he was the only person with intimate knowledge of how to run Konoha, the only person strong enough to defend it if necessary, and most importantly, the person Hashirama had wished to succeed him. She pointed out that if put to a vote, each clan would only endorse their own kin, and Konoha didn’t have time for any kind of campaigning. They needed a leader. 

“And when your tenure as hokage is done?” a Shimura elder asked, giving Tobirama a long look with hawkish eyes. “Will you choose your successor as well?” Those golden eyes flicked to Hashirama’s son. “Can you promise that you will not name another Senju?”

Tobirama met the man’s eyes. “I’d name whoever is best fit for the role when the time comes,” he said, keeping his voice measured. 

Before that could be objected to, an Uchiha elder spoke out. “If the Senju are not to be represented on the council because the White Demon is to be hokage, why are the Uchiha not being given a seat?”

Tobirama had heard that name, that attempt to dehumanize him, so many times that it didn’t bother him. No, it was the Uchiha elder demanding what this clan had done wrong. Tobirama imagined it was that not long ago, Uchiha Madara had tried to destroy all of Konoha. Even if he’d been disowned by his clan at that point, it was their fault for letting him grow into the wild animal he’d become. 

But the reason Mito gave spoke to none of that. “I imagine because one of your own is married to Tobirama,” she pointed out calmly. “It would not be fair for you to take additional influence.”

Tobirama kept his face blank as another eruption of protests broke out, the elders pointing out they never would have agreed to anything with Hashirama had they known it would one day be used against them like this. It was the defamation of his brother’s character that set other clan elders on edge, causing them to chime in and agree with Mito. 

Tobirama stayed silent through the arguing, left to wonder if the reason Hashirama had insisted he marry an Uchiha was less to do with peace and more to do with finding a legitimate reason to deny the clan greater influence in the Konoha his death left behind. Hashirama had never been one to hold grudges, agreeable almost to a fault, but he’d never truly forgiven the Uchiha clan for their treatment of Madara as his mental state began to crumble. 

Somehow, after what felt like hours of petty squabbles and endless compromises, it was agreed upon. Hashirama’s dying wishes would be honored. Tobirama would be named hokage, and the council would be formed. Its membership would be periodically reviewed, a task that Tobirama already dreaded having to oversee. 

Taking Kagami out of active duty was brought up almost as an afterthought by a Sarutobi who remarked that his grandson’s mission would need a new third member. Too tired to argue any further, Tobirama had acquiesced without fully considering what he was agreeing to. Worn down by hours of negotiations, he’d agreed that it made sense for Kagami to no longer take missions that would lead him outside of Konoha. 

But given the tempest that was waiting for him when he arrived home, perhaps he should have been less quick to concede the point. 

Tobirama didn’t fault Kagami for being emotional. He faulted himself for not having the energy to reason his way through their conversation. He’d known Kagami since the Uchiha was a child; he should have known the things he said would only serve to upset him more. 

When Kagami had been a genin, there would occasionally be times when he disagreed with Tobirama, with his teammates, with the world as a whole. Children in this new age of peace didn’t have to learn to suppress their emotions, not like Tobirama had from such a young age. These outbursts would often end with Kagami storming off, not far enough that Tobirama could not easily sense where the young Uchiha was, but far enough that it was clear he didn’t want to be chased after. 

But Kagami would always come back, sometimes after a few minutes, other times after a few hours. His head would be clear, his sense of purpose renewed. He’d set himself to the task of the day with a new sense of determination. Tobirama came to learn that this was what Kagami sometimes needed: space to clear his head, to let logic sink in. And in the end, he always came back after no more than a few hours. 

Except now it’s been a few days. Once again, Tobirama is too swamped with the tedium of running a village to spend much time thinking about it, but the moments he’s able to spare are spent replaying their argument, thinking of everything he said that only served to further enrage Kagami. 

Mito was never sent out of the village, but Mito wasn’t brought up as a shinobi. And just as Tobirama hates being compared to Hashirama, he knows that bringing up the example set by his late brother’s wife won’t get through to Kagami. It’s frustrating; he knows that keeping Kagami in Konoha is objectively safest. 

But it’s also thoroughly unfair to the young Uchiha who’s quickly climbed to the rank of jounin, who’s unparalleled in his ability to use genjutsu to completely incapacitate an enemy, and who was given no choice in the marriage that now seals his fate. 

An annulment is something both clans would have to agree to. It’s an antiquated standard that ought to be changed, but Tobirama’s never been aware of it because he’s never thought to look, at least not until two days stretched to four without any sign of Kagami returning. And he knows the Uchiha clan won’t agree to nullifying the marriage, not while they likely view Kagami as their one source of influence over the hokage. 

Faced with no easy answers, it’s simpler to focus on what needs to be done and trust that Kagami will one day come back. He knows it won’t be well received if the day of his official instatement arrives and Kagami isn’t there by his side, but he hasn’t yet reached the point of hunting down his wayward spouse. 

He tells himself he should use the time to figure out what he’ll say to Kagami, what he can offer him by means of appeasement. But Kagami’s pure heart and loyalty to Konoha are for once a curse. There’s nothing he can say to the Uchiha that will remedy this insult. 

And so Tobirama hopes for and dreads Kagami’s return in equal measures. 

* * *

Kagami returns on the fifth day after their argument. He knocks softly before entering Tobirama’s study, two bento boxes in his hands. The entire thing feels so familiar: Tobirama being prepared to work through his lunch, and Kagami stubbornly interrupting him to make sure he actually eats something. 

Wordlessly, Kagami sits down from him and passes over a bento box. His face is a carefully constructed porcelain mask. Tobirama wonders when he learned how to hide his emotions so well. 

“You came back,” Tobirama says to break the silence between them. 

Kagami nods, lifting the lid from his bento box. “I came back,” he echoes. “I didn’t mean to run away. I just...I needed a few days to clear my head.”

The two of them begin to eat in silence. Tobirama watches carefully for any flicker of emotion to come across Kagami’s face, but for once there’s nothing. It’s excruciating waiting for him to finally speak again, and Tobirama is left to wonder if this is how people have often felt in his presence. 

It feels like an eternity before Kagami sets aside his half-eaten bento box and looks up to meet Tobirama’s gaze. There’s an unfamiliar emotion behind his dark eyes, not quite mistrust but something in the near vicinity. “I need you to be honest with me,” he says. 

Tobirama nods, not sure where Kagami is headed. The anxiety pooling in his stomach is entirely unwelcome. There’s nothing Kagami can lay before him that’s worse than what he’s faced before, he reminds himself. 

Kagami looks away for a moment before meeting Tobirama’s gaze again. “Naming you as hokage. Forming a council. All of this...was Hashirama’s plan?”

“It was his alone,” Tobirama confirms. 

“You...did you…” Kagami seems to struggle to find the words, or perhaps it’s fear that keeps him from posing the question outright. “Did you know something was going to happen to him?”

Tobirama shakes his head and tries to keep a bitter edge out of his voice. “He told me nothing.”

“But naming you as hokage and-”

“Dying wishes he left with Mito,” Tobirama interrupts. 

Kagami chews his bottom lip, a clear sign that he’s thinking through his next move. “Is it true that the Uchiha won’t have a seat on the council?”

“It is.”

“Because of my relationship with you?” Kagami asks. 

“Yes.” Tobirama still can’t understand how this fits into Hashirama’s plan. He knows that his brother knew he was dying when he went to make an arrangement with the Uchiha elders. Was it a show of goodwill to marry an Uchiha to the Senju who would become hokage? Or was it done to prevent the Uchiha clan from having even the slightest bit of influence over the village’s affairs?

Kagami doesn’t give Tobirama a chance to say anything further. “The clan elders seem to think I have influence over you,” he offers bluntly, a rush of color rising to his cheeks at the innuendo.

Tobirama, unsure of how to reply, says nothing. 

“I told them that they were wrong,” Kagami continues. “Because I thought you didn’t have a choice in this either.” He pauses, giving Tobirama a long moment to correct him, disappointment creeping into his features when he’s met with silence. “But you chose me.”

Tobirama’s mouth is bone dry. He doesn’t know how Kagami knows, but the moment in which he could object has long passed. Seconds continue to tick away as Kagami watches him, waiting for a response. 

Finally, Kagami tilts his head, his expression earnest. “Why didn’t you let me choose you?” he asks. 

Tobirama hesitates for the briefest moment. His first thought is that he’s never been anyone’s first choice in any regard. If presented with the option, he knows with certainty that Kagami would not have chosen to be with him. But instead he says, “I only thought to make this easier for you. Sometimes it’s easier to endure when choice is removed.” 

Kagami blinks quickly, a telltale sign that he’s fighting against rising emotions. Tobirama half expects him to leave, but instead the Uchiha presses on. “Is that what this has been to you? A matter of enduring?”

Tobirama doesn’t speak. The careful balancing act they’ve constructed in interacting with each other feels more precarious than ever, and he doesn’t know what words will stabilize the two of them, nor which will send Kagami storming out of the room. 

But Kagami shifts slightly, leaning closer to Tobirama, close enough mere inches separate them. “I would have chosen you,” he says. “If you had let me.”

“You don’t mean that,” Tobirama replies, his tone measured. He’s not so ignorant not to have realized long ago that his young student looked up to him as more than a teacher. But he also knew that while such feelings were not to be encouraged, they were far from abnormal. Children often admired, even worshipped the authority figures in their lives. 

And he knows that Kagami isn’t a child anymore. 

“I do.” Kagami reads the doubt on Tobirama’s face and continues. “It’s not - it’s not me speaking in hindsight either because I’m with you now or because of anything my clan elders have said. If you’d given me the choice from the start, I would have chosen to be with you.”

Tobirama opens his mouth to protest. 

“Or was I just the least terrible option?” Kagami asks, heat rising to his face. “If you had to choose an Uchiha, at least it could be someone who didn’t hate you. If that’s the truth, I don’t blame you.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Please,” Kagami says, a pleading note entering his voice. “Tell me what it is.”

Desire is an emotion that Tobirama’s never been governed by. The wants of others have always been more important than his own feelings. Understanding others’ emotions without being governed by his own has allowed him to do what’s necessary on more than one occasion. A rigid adherence to pragmatism has always been his way, and it makes now speaking what he wants a challenge.

He wonders for the first time if this entire situation Hashirama has forced him into was a convoluted way to make him seize what he wouldn’t allow himself to want. 

“I wanted you,” he finally says. “I wanted you and didn’t imagine you’d want me in return.”

Tobirama watches as Kagami’s expression cracks like broken glass, shards reflecting hope and disbelief and hurt in unquantifiable measures. “Our wedding night,” he says, his voice thick. “You brought me to our bed and didn’t even look at me. I thought you got through it by imagining you were fucking someone else.”

“I thought only to make it easier for you.”

Kagami shakes his head. “By making me feel unwanted by my clan, unwanted by you?” His eyes are wet now as he continues. “I didn’t come to our bed a virgin. Even if I had, you wouldn’t have taken anything that I wouldn’t have willingly given you.”

“I thought-”

“You thought that it would make it easier for me to think you were indifferent. Why?”

Because Tobirama never considered Kagami would come to know the truth. Because admitting what he desired always felt so impossible. Because he had never allowed himself to consider the possibility that Kagami felt the same way. “I wanted to make it easier for you to one day be with someone you love without any kind of guilt.”

Kagami shakes his head. “I don’t want to be with anyone else,” he insists stubbornly. “I don’t care about having children with someone one day. My clan has never welcomed me. How do you imagine they would treat my bastard children?”

“You don’t mean that. I can’t offer you what someone else could. I don’t have time. I’m not-”

“I don’t want someone else,” Kagami insists. 

“Your clan would accept an annulment in exchange for a seat on the council. That’s something-”

“Will you stop?” Kagami stares at Tobirama for a long moment before tipping his head forward. Tobirama imagines that it’s a test, Kagami wanting to see if he’ll choose to pull away. 

Tobirama has never liked being this close to other people. He’s never felt the need for such close proximity, not when any distance less than twenty feet allows him to feel someone else’s chakra signature so intimately. But he doesn’t pull back, not even when Kagami signals his intent, slowly closing the distance between the two of them. 

Kagami’s lips are soft and gentle, a contrast to the way his hands come to grip the front of Tobirama’s shirt so tightly, using the embrace as leverage to draw the two of them closer. Tobirama knows with certainty that if he tries to pull away, Kagami won’t let him now. 

It’s fortunate that pulling away is the last thing Tobirama wants to do. 

Tobirama is no stranger to intimacy, but it’s always been more of a means to an end, an efficient exchange between two individuals chasing release. Kissing had no place in those encounters, not when the goal was concluding as quickly as possible.

There's no rush now. There's Kagami, pressed flush against him like the younger man wants to crawl into his skin. There's the way his teeth scrape against Tobirama's lower lip, tugging him deeper into their embrace. 

There's proof of desire growing tight underneath far too many layers of clothing. Kagami slowly rocks his hips forward and lets out a low groan at the feeling of friction. "Tobirama," he says, voice breathy and soaked in desire. 

It's intoxicating, the feeling of wanting and being wanted in return. He raises a hand to trace the slope of Kagami’s jawline. Kagami leans into the touch, a low groan escaping his lips as he shamelessly rocks against him. 

It speaks to how lost Tobirama is in the embrace that he doesn’t notice a jinchuuriki’s approach until Mito is pointedly clearing her throat in the doorway. 

Kagami’s face is a painful shade of crimson. 

“Nara Shikahara is here,” Mito says, her tone clipped. 

Tobirama mentally kicks himself for forgetting. The Nara clan head had wanted to discuss something privately, so they’d set up a meeting for this afternoon. This isn’t the first occasion that time has slipped away from Tobirama, though it more typically happens because he’s become lost in his work, convinced he only needs a few more minutes to reach a breakthrough in his research. 

Perhaps he imagines it, but Mito’s expression seems to soften when she takes the two of them in more fully. “I’ll tell him you’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

Kagami’s blush doesn’t fade even when Mito retreats. “You have a meeting,” he says as he extracts himself from their shared embrace. He sounds disappointed, which is preferable to irritation. 

“I have a meeting,” Tobirama repeats. “An hour. Maybe longer.”

He watches closely as Kagami takes in this information, trying to gauge the younger man’s reaction. But the pensive silence is unbearable. “You’ll be here when it’s finished?” Tobirama asks. 

There’s a rush of relief when a smile tugs at the corners of Kagami’s lips. “I’ll be here,” he promises. 

* * *

Their honeymoon is relatively short lived. Kagami does not take kindly to finding out that Danzo and Hiruzen left the village a day ago, Homura now standing in as their third teammate. Tobirama makes the mistake of pointing out that the mission needed to resume, and he didn’t know where Kagami was a day ago. He regrets the defense immediately.

“I’m not going to be locked away within the village walls forever,” Kagami insists. 

“There’s plenty a shinobi can do within Konoha,” Tobirama points out. It’s the truth, even if it’s not what Kagami wants to hear. 

Kagami takes a moment to prepare his defense. “You’ve seen what I can do,” he finally challenges. “It’s not an effective use of Konoha’s resources to keep me here.”

Tobirama can’t argue that Kagami’s better suited to the life of an active shinobi over that of a teacher or healer. His talent in genjutsu is unmatched, even within the ranks of the Uchiha clan. Tobirama has seen it time and time again: enemy shinobi with the misfortune to meet Kagami’s red eyes in the middle of battle are as good as dead. And while Kagami’s mind may not move as quickly as Tobirama’s other former students, his physical speed is more than enough to grant him an edge in combat. By the time he was ready to become a jounin, even Tobirama had to break a sweat to keep up in their sparring matches. 

“It’s not wise to send you out,” Tobirama replies. “You’ll be a target now.” Kami knows Konoha has plenty of enemies, that Tobirama himself isn’t held in particularly high regard by foreign shinobi, especially not after he insisted that each hidden village pay Konoha for their tailed beast. 

“I’ll take that risk,” Kagami replies without hesitation.

“And I won’t.”

“I can’t be married to the hokage,” Kagami says stubbornly. “There are times when I need you to be just Tobirama, times when you can’t pull rank over me.”

Trying to separate himself from the role he has to play for Konoha? Kagami might as well ask him to rearrange night and day. “What you’re asking isn’t possible.”

“And what you’re telling me isn’t fair.”

Tobirama resists the urge to point out that he never asked to be named hokage. Had Hashirama ever discussed it with him, he could have explained why he wasn't fit for the role. He could have helped Hashirama select someone and prepare them for the position, and then Kagami wouldn’t be in this mess either. 

Instead he says, “I’ll remind you that it’s not just my decision. It was the council that first said you should be taken off duty.” Before Kagami can fly into a rage about that reminder, Tobirama adds, “But I’ll talk to them. We’ll reach some kind of compromise.”

The talk he’s just head with Nara Shikahara is at the forefront of his mind. The clan head voiced his concerns about the impracticality of a council. There are some missions shinobi execute that are best done in secret, missions that only a chosen few should know about. Espionage. Assassinations. The two of them quickly reached the conclusion that there needs to be a smaller circle under the command of the hokage alone. 

A dedicated group of skilled shinobi to carry out the most challenging, most dangerous missions. He knows Kagami is talented enough but hesitates to say anything just yet. He’s not ready to make a promise he can’t keep.

“Some kind of compromise,” Kagami repeats. 

Tobirama nods. “I promise I’ll give you everything I can.” He’s not sure if this will soothe Kagami or frustrate him further. 

He truly doesn’t know what Kagami means to do when the younger man closes the distance between them, pressing against him and tilting his head up. Kagami reaches up to cup Tobirama’s face, a light touch tracing the red slashes cutting his sheeks. “I know,” he says before tilting his head up for a quick kiss. “You’ll give me everything you can. You promise?” Kagami continues.

Feeling like he’s knowingly walking into some kind of trap, Tobirama nods.

Kagami looks up at him with bright eyes. “Then don’t forget that you are the hokage. The village is yours.”

“It’s not quite-”

“And you’re mine,” Kagami interrupts, a smile playing at his features before he tilts his head up again, stealing another kiss. “You don’t have another meeting, do you?”

No meeting, but plenty of things piling up on a desk that Tobirama really should return to. But the thought of staying with Kagami and ignoring the responsibility waiting for him is tempting. 

Against his better judgment he finds himself saying, “Nothing that can’t wait.”

* * *

The hokage’s ceremonial hat and robe is an ensemble Tobirama hopes to never have to wear again. Hashirama only dressed formally when he had to. Tobirama can only call to memory a few dozen times that his brother was seen outside armor or a more simple yukata. 

But today Tobirama is to face the village. He’s to welcome the dignitaries and kage who have come to scrutinize how Konoha will fare without the god of shinobi as a leader. 

Tobirama is used to standing in his brother’s shadow. It’s nothing new, being the place he made his home for most of his life. But he hopes to never again have to wear his brother’s hat. 

The door opens a crack, and Tobirama tenses before recognizing the familiar chakra signature a moment before Kagami appears. Kagami takes in Tobirama’s appearance and offers a warm smile. “Lord Hokage,” he says as he walks into the room, quickly closing the distance between the two of them. 

Lord Hokage was Hashirama. Tobirama knows with certainty that he’ll never be able to hear the epithet and not think of his late brother, and that’s something he can’t afford to do today. Not when foreign shinobi are packed into the streets of Konoha like bloodhounds searching for any hint of weakness. 

Kagami seems to understand Tobirama’s reticence without Tobirama having to say a word. He takes Tobirama’s hand, his smile not once faltering. “Lord Second,” he amends, with two simple words creating a title that acknowledges Hashirama while giving Tobirama room to make the role his own. 

“Save your smile. You’ll need to have it plastered on all day,” Tobirama says gruffly. 

“I get to stay at your side?”

“Where else would you be?”

Kagami’s smile widens. He tilts his head up in a gesture that’s quickly becoming familiar. It makes heat pool in Tobirama’s stomach, even before Kagami says, “Today you belong to the village.Tonight you belong to me.”

* * *

Tobirama feels no better than a lovestruck teenager. He tries to focus on the countless conversations he has to endure, but his mind keeps flitting back to Kagami. The Uchiha is never far from his side, returning often to steal a casual touch or quick embrace. 

Kagami’s in conversation with some of his friends when an Uchiha elder approaches Tobirama. The man is ancient, dark eyes clouded with cataracts. Tobirama can’t remember the man’s name, so he simply nods in greeting. 

“Lord Tobirama,” the Uchiha says, his voice dry as parchment. To address Tobirama as anything less than Lord Hokage or Lord Second is an insult to his newly claimed status, especially when he stands there in the formal hat and robe. Still, it’s an improvement from being referred to as a demon.

“Do you need something?” Tobirama asks bluntly. 

The elder’s milky eyes flick over to where Kagami stands no more than a few dozen feet away, engrossed in conversation with someone else. “I thought you’d like to thank the Uchiha clan for returning your husband to you.”

Tobirama levels the man with a steely gaze. “Kagami is his own person free to make his own choices.”

“Choices that include running from you? He’d still be hiding with Uchiha Hikaku had we not sent him home.”

Tobirama’s gaze goes from steely to something distinctly less civil. “You did nothing and will do nothing,” he says, fixing the elder with a red glare more intense than the sharingan itself. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

He can feel the heat of the elder’s stare on his back as he walks away.

* * *

It’s late when the two of them are finally alone together in their bedroom. It’s not the first night they’ve shared a bed since reconciling, but tonight the air between them feels different, charged with some kind of anticipation. 

_ Tonight you belong to me.  _

Kagami’s eyes have a mischievous glint. “I want you to fuck me,” he says boldly and without any kind of delay. He starts undressing himself before Tobirama can so much as blink in surprise. 

But he reacts quickly, grabbing Kagami’s hands. “What-” Kagami starts. 

“Let me,” Tobirama replies. 

It’s quick but efficient, the two of them undressing each other. The hokage’s robe is nothing more than a quiet rustle of fabric falling to the ground. It’s only when they stand completely bare before each other that Tobirama thinks to ask, “You’re sure?”

It’s important to ask this time and to hear Kagami say it back. “I’m sure.”

“Because you don’t need to do anything-”

“Will you stop?” Kagami laughs, but there’s something more complicated in his eyes, a note of self-deprecation as he says, “Is it that hard to believe that I want to be with you? That I wanted to be with you on our wedding night?”

The reminder of their first time being intimate together causes the corners of Tobirama’s mouth to tug downward. “I was only trying-”

“To help me. To make it easier for me,” Kagami says as he grabs Tobirama’s hand and pulls him impatiently towards the bed. “Enough apologizing.”

This time Tobirama doesn’t have to ask Kagami to part his legs. He doesn’t feel like he’s taking something when he settles in between them. 

“Look at me,” Kagami insists. 

Tobirama meets Kagami’s eyes. The intensity of his desire is heavy. It’s impossible to doubt the way Kagami feels about him, but all the same he finds himself saying, “You have a choice, you know. You’ll always have a choice.”

Kagami tips his head back with a groan. “I want you to fuck me, not have a heart to heart.”

“This is important,” Tobirama insists, the exchange with the Uchiha elder on the forefront of his mind. “I want to know you came back of your own volition. Not because of anything that was said to you.”

Kagami lets out an indignant breath and falls back on the bed. “You really think I’d want to get into bed with you just to further my clan’s interests?” It’s fortunate that he sounds amused, not offended. 

“I think the situation is complex,” Tobirama says diplomatically even as he grabs oil from the nightstand and generously coats his fingers. “And I want to make sure you’re always acting in your own interest.”

Kagami groans, the sound shifting from annoyance to pleasure when Tobirama teases his entrance with a single finger. “Have I not made it clear that I want you? Can’t we have this conversation another time?”

It should be enough. It should be more than enough. Still, they’ve found themselves together because of a complicated web of politics and clan loyalties, or perhaps in spite of it. Shedding their clan names is far less simple than shedding their clothing. 

“You’re thinking too hard,” Kagami accuses. “I want you here with me this time.”

“I’m just-”

“Just making it too complicated when I simply want to be fucked by my husband.” Kagami gives Tobirama a challenging look, one corner of his mouth tugging upward. “Unless you’d rather I fuck you.” He laughs at the heat that rises to Tobirama’s face and continues. “I’m here with you. I want to be fucked by you. Is that enough?”

Tobirama clears his throat. “That’s - that’s enough.”

“You could stand to say it too, you know.”

“Say what?”

“That you want me.”

It’s Tobirama’s turn to blink in disbelief. “Is it not clear that I do?” He would have thought his feelings implied, given that he has two fingers in Kagami and is efficiently working his way towards adding a third. 

Kagami blushes, the dusting of pink traveling from his cheeks down his neck to the top of his chest. “I liked it today. When you’d introduce me as your husband.”

“It’s the truth,” Tobirama points out. “What else would I call you?”

“And I liked it when you’d kiss me,” Kagami continues. “In front of everyone. I wasn’t sure if you would.”

Tobirama withdraws his fingers and moves to position himself. “Why wouldn’t I?” he asks. 

“Because you’re one of the most private people I know. Frustratingly so. Even now I’m not sure what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking I’d very much like to fuck you and then get some rest,” Tobirama replies. 

“You’re the one who’s taking his time,” Kagami points out. 

Tobirama accepts the invitation, pushing in and nearly losing himself in the feeling of warmth. He could stay like this, savoring the feeling of being so close with someone else, but Kagami is already humming impatiently. 

“Talk to me,” he orders. 

“What do you want me to say?” Tobirama asks. 

“I don’t know. I just - I don’t want silence.”

Tobirama gives an experimental roll of his hips and savors the needy whine that escapes from Kagami’s lips. “I’m to look at you. And talk to you. Is there anything else?” he asks. 

“Yes. I want you here in the morning when I wake up. No more leaving me alone.”

“Perhaps you should try waking up earlier.”

Kagami scoffs. “And for you to come to bed at a decent hour,” he continues. “I don’t want to have to remind you to make time for this.”

Tobirama begins thrusting, settling on a more languid pace that leaves both of them flushed but neither of them breathless. “You won’t need to remind me,” he promises. Now isn’t the time to think of what days spent filling the role of hokage will look like, but flashes of the tedium fill his mind unbidden. It is nice, he realizes, knowing there’ll be someone to come home to. 

“Now you—ah, fuck,  _ there— _ now you tell me what you want,” Kagami says. There’s a light sheen of sweat lending shine to his features, softened by the dim light of their room. 

Tobirama doesn’t slow in his movement, but he stalls to answer. It’s not that he doesn’t understand what Kagami is asking. No, he knows that the younger man on the sheets underneath him doesn’t mean what he wants at this moment, for it’s clear that Tobirama has everything he could want. 

No, Kagami’s asking him to reach into a drawer that Tobirama doesn’t often open. He’s more accustomed to dealing with the wants of other people. In that way, it’s easy to hear Kagami say the things he needs and remind himself that the younger man needs verbal affirmation and time spent together. 

It’s much harder to reach in himself and find the things he wants. It’s even harder to voice them.

Kagami groans in impatience. “I’m not asking a complex question.”

“I…” Tobirama shifts his body, changing angles and enjoying the sound of pleasure it draws from Kagami. He searches his mind for the right thing to say. Something that will satisfy Kagami. 

“Fine,” Kagami cuts in. “If not what you want, then what you like.”

“What I like?” Tobirama repeats. 

Kagami nods. “I told you I like it when you call me your husband. When you kiss me in front of everyone. I like everyone knowing that I’m yours and that you want me.”

“I-” Tobirama begins. 

“How long?” Kagami cuts in. “How long have you wanted me?”

Heat rises to Tobirama’s face. 

“Was it only when your brother forced you to decide which Uchiha you would marry?”

“No.”

“Before that?”

“Yes.”

Kagami seems to take satisfaction from that answer. “You’ll learn to tell me what you like. What you want,” he says decisively. 

“I like this,” Tobirama points out, drawing a laugh from deep in Kagami’s chest. 

“I think that much is clear,” Kagami points out. “It could have been like this the first time, you know.”

Tobirama hesitates. “I know that now.”

Kagami’s smile is genuine as he says, “I know.” He leans up, catching Tobirama’s lips in a needy embrace. “Just as I know you’ll make it up to me. Husband.”

“Husband,” Tobirama repeats. 

Kagami’s next words are distorted by a choked groan of pleasure as he finishes, Tobirama’s rhythm faltering as he follows in turn, driven over the edge by the sight of Kagami so lost in pleasure. He already looks forward to the next time they get to fall into bed together, perhaps after sharing everything on their minds so they can focus on the physicality of being together. 

Tobirama comes to rest on the bed next to Kagami, humming in contentment when Kagami rests his head against his chest, curls dampened with sweat. He lets his eyes close but doesn’t let sleep take him, not yet. He wants to live in this moment for a while longer. 

Kagami, it would seem, shares the same feeling. He yawns softly before saying, “I’m happy to be back with you.”

In that moment, Tobirama doesn’t doubt the truth of Kagami’s words for even a second. 

“I’m glad you chose to come back,” he says softly in reply. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thanks to TenzosNewLeaf for being my beta with this chapter. It ended up being much more nuanced as a result of their feedback. Second, I have to plug the KagaTobi fic [See you, breathe you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690263) because I thought about it constantly in trying to get Tobirama's characterization down right. 
> 
> We're in the home stretch with this fic now, and just a note that updates might come a bit more slowly. Life has just gotten wild and I want to take my time with the last few chapters of this piece. In the meantime please do let me know what you thought of this chapter -- it took so long to shape together. And feel free to come say hi on tumblr, I'm also AdolescentLycan there and my ask box is open!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because time starts flying in this chapter, I want to do a quick note so no one panics. The only canonical character death in this story is Hashirama's. That means Tobirama and Kagami aren't going to die in a few years, as they would in canon. We are firmly in a realm of canon divergence where they get nothing but the happiest of endings.

Kagami struggles to catch his breath as he wipes sweat from his forehead. He’s been sparring with Hiruzen and Danzo for hours under the unyielding heat of the hot midday sun. More often than not these friendly matches end with him knocked to the ground, though it never takes more than a few moments for him to get back up and rejoin the fight. 

It’s Hiruzen who surrenders first, though both Kagami and Danzo know that it’s an act of mercy. The Sarutobi has taken the fewest hits, only truly being challenged when Kagami and Danzo teamed together briefly to fight against him. Tobirama’s perfect prodigy, Hiruzen’s seemingly infinite knowledge of different jutsu and lightning quick ability to think on his feet combine to make him a challenging opponent. 

They break for lunch, taking refuge under a tall oak tree to cool off and catch their breath. Kagami takes pride in the fact that even Hiruzen is winded, even if his body is free of scrapes and bruises. 

Danzo is the one to break the silence (or rather, the sound of the three of them all trying to find relief as they breathe thick, humid air into their lungs). “You’re still sharp,” he remarks to Kagami before opening his water canteen and taking a long drink. 

Kagami knows his friend doesn’t mean to insult him. Danzo’s tongue has always been sharp, his thoughts often delivered without any kind of censorship. Still, Kagami bristles. It’s been months since he’s been able to take an actual mission outside of the village. Keeping his body trained and his reflexes sharp has been done with conscious effort so that he can be ready the moment he’s again allowed to resume the duties of a shinobi. 

“I don’t just sit around all day idly,” Kagami shoots back.

Hiruzen is softer in his approach, likely sensing Kagami’s irritation. “I heard you’ve helped the interrogation team a few times now,” he offers. 

Kagami’s eyes, his unparalleled talent for genjutsu, still make him useful to the village. Both Hiruzen and Danzo have learned that it’s best to fight him while looking only at his feet. A single moment of eye contact is all he needs to daze an opponent, to render them completely helpless against the sharp cut of his blade. In contrast, when an enemy is restrained in front of him, forced to stare into the deep red of his sharingan, it’s far too easy to enter the corners of their mind and find the information the interrogation team wants.

“They ask for help with difficult cases,” Kagami says with a modest shrug. He screws off the lid of his canteen and contemplates whether to drink the lukewarm water or pour it over his head to chase some relief from the oppressive heat. 

“And when you’re not helping them?” Danzo asks. 

Managing Tobirama is a job that demands nearly all of Kagami’s time. When he’s not making sure Tobirama is taking breaks to actually eat something, he’s reminding his husband to come home at a decent time or nagging him to get some sleep from time to time. They’ve been arguing constantly about how Tobirama needs to learn to delegate some of his work. 

But he doesn’t want to admit to his friends how he’s effectively been reduced to Tobirama’s keeper. So he simply shrugs and says, “I find ways to stay busy.”

Hiruzen’s brow creases in worry at the lukewarm answer. “You’re happy?” he asks simply. 

Kagami is quick to nod. “I am,” he reassures his friends. And he is for the most part. He wouldn’t give up what he has with Tobirama, even if he wishes he could find a way to beat some sense into his husband’s head. Tobirama doesn’t care for himself nearly enough, so Kagami has to until Tobirama learns. 

“Of course he’s happy,” Danzo says. 

“What does that mean?” Hiruzen asks. 

“He’s gotten what he’s always wanted,” Danzo replies with a smirk. “Is he as good as you always imagined he’d be, Kagami?”

Hiruzen is perhaps more mortified than Kagami, but only marginally. “Don’t talk about Sensei like that!”

“He wasn’t my sensei,” Danzo points out. 

“But he’s still your hokage!” Hiruzen protests. 

Kagami clears his throat to interrupt the two of them, knowing from experience that they’ll bicker until the sun goes down if someone doesn’t intervene. “It’s not how I imagined it would be,” he admits. “Not entirely. But it’s not bad. We’re happy together.” His cheeks redden with embarrassment under Danzo’s hawkish gaze. “Very happy.”

There are things he would change, but he’s working on Tobirama, trusting that with patience and persistence things won’t always be this way. There are times that Tobirama still seems to forget that Kagami is no longer a naive genin, times when he’s too quick to dismiss Kagami’s ideas out of habit. Kagami knows he’s often too idealistic, too simplistic in how he thinks about things. But he also knows that Tobirama is governed by a rigid sense of pragmatism, one that topples into cynicism when left unchecked. 

“But you can’t take missions anymore,” Danzo says with typical bluntness. 

Kagami forces a shrug. “I told you I’ve helped the interrogation team a few times,” he offers. In truth, it’s been more than a few times. It’s likely only his clear disinterest in the work that keeps the team from calling him in to assist more often. 

“That’s hardly the same,” Danzo points out.

It isn’t. It doesn’t even come close to the rush of adrenaline that comes from completing a real mission. And so Kagami tries not to dwell on it. “I’m happy,” he insists stubbornly. “It’s different now, but that doesn’t make it bad.” He runs a hand through sweat-soaked hair and gets to his feet. “Now are we going to keep training or do you just plan on talking me to death?”

* * *

Kagami is far too used to returning home to an empty apartment. Usually he fixes something for the two of them to eat before setting off to find his husband. Tobirama divides his time between his office and research lab; his mood is much better when he’s able to spend more time in the latter, something that’s become increasingly difficult to manage. 

Today Kagami’s fortunate enough to find Tobirama home, though he knows Tobirama’s presence is an apology for too many consecutive evenings spent away. Even so, the apology is tainted by the large stack of paperwork that’s come home with him. 

Kagami exhales loudly, the act of announcing his presence redundant considering Tobirama’s sensory abilities are unmatched. He kicks off his shoes and walks through the room. “You need to learn to delegate,” he says bluntly in lieu of a proper greeting. 

Tobirama looks up only briefly before returning to the scroll spread out in front of him. Kagami takes a quick glance, makes note of the countless rows of tiny numbers, and realizes it’s some financial matter he has no interest in. 

“I know,” Kagami continues as he wanders into their kitchen, looking through the cupboards as he decides what to make. It’s a shame that cooking so often falls to him when Tobirama is so much better at it; their residence is still standing only because Tobirama was quick enough to conjure up a hasty suiton jutsu to extinguish one of Kagami’s failed attempts. “No one can do anything as well as you.”

“That’s not it,” Tobirama calls back to him. 

“Well it’s certainly not a desire to take credit for all your work,” Kagami continues. “I know how much you did for Hashirama.”

Tobirama doesn’t respond, and Kagami knows it’s not because he’s returned to his work. They’ve talked about Hashirama less than a handful of times. His brother’s memory and the burden of his legacy that Tobirama now has to uphold - they’re all implicitly forbidden topics. Kagami understands that it will take some time for Tobirama to be ready to open up about it. And so he trusts that his husband will come to him when he’s ready. 

The closest Tobirama has come to any kind of emotional vulnerability is expressing to Kagami that he didn’t want to continue living in the hokage’s apartment. Kagami understood without Tobirama having to say more; that space would always be Hashirama’s home, and it would be too much for the two of them to try to make a home with his ghost lingering. And so the two of them found it better to choose a modest apartment to make their own.

Kagami shuffles ingredients around in their pantry, grabbing what he wants. “We’ll have eggplant miso soup,” he calls to Tobirama. “It didn’t turn out bad the last time I made it, right?”

Tobirama’s silence is telling.

Discouraged but not defeated, Kagami sets to work. It’s comforting and frustrating in equal measures having Tobirama there just a room away. He’d like for the two of them to predictably have time at the end of each day for each other. And it’s not that the role of hokage occupies too much of Tobirama’s time. Not entirely, at least. It’s just that Tobirama has to take on so much while Kagami finds himself with so little. 

When Kagami is finished cooking, he spoons soup into two bowls and takes one to Tobirama. He could sit and eat across from his husband, but he can tell from the deep creases in Tobirama’s forehead that he’s too deep in thought to be a proper conversation partner. And so he retreats to the kitchen to eat and clean up after himself, trying his best not to be upset with Tobirama for doing nothing more than the position of hokage demands from him. 

* * *

Tobirama finds Kagami in their bedroom later that evening. He sits beside him on the bed but maintains a few inches of distance. "You're upset," he ventures, his normally stern and commanding voice a low rumble that reverberates up through his chest. 

Kagami's resolve softens, but only marginally. He inches closer to Tobirama. "I wish you'd let someone help you," he says. 

"Because you'd like for us to spend more time together."

"Of course, but that's not the only reason." Kagami reaches over, taking Tobirama's hand. They both have hands smoother than any shinobi's ought to be, proof that neither of them has been on a true mission in far too long. "You're trying to do too much on your own."

"Once I figure out this new clone jutsu-"

"Creating doubles of yourself isn't the answer," Kagami interrupts. Frustration threatens to bubble up, and he fights to tamp it down. This is an argument that'll be won with logic. "Why won't you let anyone help you?"

Tobirama chooses to sidestep the question. "I'm still finding the most efficient way to get everything done. I won't always be so busy."

Kagami senses the argument is lost, especially given that Tobirama won't respond to questions posed so directly. "You should go back to that stack of work you brought home with you."

"Not while you're upset with me."

Kagami crosses his arms over his chest. "I'll be upset until you see reason, so we may be here for some time."

Tobirama has the nerve to smile at him. "I'll work for a few more hours and then come to bed."

"I won't wait for you if you lose track of time."

He leans into the kiss Tobirama gives him. Part of him wants to grab Tobirama and refuse to let him leave their bed, but he knows it won't work. Tobirama's work always pulls him away. 

And Kagami is left to practice katas before bed, making sure he's physically ready when Tobirama finally figures something out for him.

He's less angry when Tobirama finally comes back to their bedroom, though not entirely pacified. It helps when Tobirama nuzzles his face in the crook of Kagami’s shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the exposed flesh of his neck.

"You're finished with work?" Kagami questions. 

"It can wait until morning."

Kagami groans when Tobirama's hand reaches under his shirt, tracing defined muscles. "You need to sleep if you're going to be up again before dawn again," he warns. 

Tobirama pauses. "Do you not want this?" he asks. 

"It depends."

"On?"

"I don't want you having sex with me to apologize."

Tobirama meets Kagami's eyes. Even in the dim light of their bedroom, his concern is clear. And Kagami's left with a pang of guilt for not being able to give Tobirama something simple to end his day. "I know you can't be so easily swayed," Tobirama says seriously. 

"I want you here with me because you want to be."

"I do."

Kagami chews his lip, trying to find the words to explain how he often feels like another task on Tobirama's lengthy list of things to do. And while he knows their relationship will never be uncomplicated, he longs for something as simple as desiring and being desired in return. He settles for saying, "I don't want to see you work yourself to death."

Sensing that Kagami is sufficiently mollified, Tobirama dips his head and presses feather light kisses along Kagami's jaw. This kind of gentle, unrushed foreplay is new to them. Given that their private lives are squeezed into the moments Tobirama's new duties allow them, it feels particularly indulgent when they take their time in bed. 

They haven't yet said that they love each other. Tobirama's never been straightforward in expressing his feelings, and for the most part Kagami doesn't mind. But as certain as he is that he'll have to be the one to first tell Tobirama he loves him, he's not entirely sure he's prepared to say it and not hear it back. 

And so in place of the tense conversations they still need to have or feelings neither of them are yet ready to express, they settle for another night spent together. They’re no longer in the honeymoon phase of their marriage, if it can be truly said that their relationship ever had one, but Kagami can’t imagine ever growing tired of this. 

Tobirama leaves shortly after they finish, but it’s only to return with a warm cloth moments later. His expression is so serious as he cleans first Kagami and then himself that it brings the trace of a smile to Kagami’s lips. 

“We should go to an onsen one day,” Kagami suggests. He continues, ignoring the lack of reaction from Tobirama. “I know not any time in the near future.”

Tobirama gets into bed without answering. Kagami knows that he’s had a long day and that it has undoubtedly been filled with plenty of people asking things of him. Kagami doesn’t want to be one more person adding to that burden, but it’ll leave a tight feeling in his chest if he lets the conversation drop without demanding some kind of acknowledgement from Tobirama. 

“Our first anniversary,” he suggests. It’s still over half a year away. He’ll have to remind Tobirama as it draws closer, but it’s not too soon to plant the idea.

His reward for his persistence is nothing more than a small nod, but Kagami chooses to let it be enough. “We’ll see.”

Neither of them falls asleep particularly quickly. For Kagami, it’s the result of too much energy still buzzing just beneath his skin. It’s different for Tobirama. Kagami’s learned that he has to take time to organize his thoughts, to process and catalogue the day’s events. A few times he’s even thought out loud, allowing Kagami to curl up at his side while he talks through a particularly thorny issue.

But more often than not, silence is what Tobirama needs at the very end of the day. Sometimes it’s a few minutes, other times closer to an hour before he finally falls asleep. Kagami enjoys the proximity they get to share, how he gets to listen for the moment Tobirama’s breathing evens out, becoming slower and deeper. He likes studying Tobirama’s face in the dim light of their bedroom, taking note of the subtle creases that will one day take permanent residence as frown lines. 

And he thinks to himself how fortunate he is, and how for all he’s given up, it’s nothing he wouldn’t readily hand over again in exchange for moments like this.

* * *

Kagami often spends time with Hikaku and Izumi during the day, the two of them thankful for the help with their daughter. Naori has gone from crawling to walking in a matter of weeks, and nothing in their home is safe anymore. It takes only a few moments left unsupervised for Naori to seize the opportunity to wreak havoc.

Elders occasionally come by to discuss clan matters with Hikaku. They’re painstakingly polite to Kagami, treating him like a deer that will startle when spooked. He knows this treatment won’t last forever and chooses to relish it while it lasts. It’s inevitable that a day will come when the clan expects him to try to influence Tobirama in some way. He really ought to preemptively remind them how stubborn Tobirama is, but for now he enjoys living his life without any of the elders breathing down his neck. 

Today he and Naori have spent hours sprawled out on the floor surrounded by her wooden blocks. The faces of her blocks are brightly decorated with letters, numbers, even an assortment of animals. She alternates between giggling at the animal noises Kagami demonstrates and trying to smack him in the forehead with one of her blocks. 

Izumi is on her first long mission since Naori’s birth, and Kagami knows Hikaku appreciates having him there to help. For his part, Kagami is all too willing to spend entire days subjected to a toddler’s whims. Having to keep up with Naori leaves him with little time to think about how he used to spend his days. 

“Ka!” Naori says through a stream of giggles, clapping two blocks together in his face.

“Ka-ga-mi,” he slowly sounds out for her, enunciating the syllables of his name. They’ve been playing this game for the better part of an hour, though it’s impossible to grow tired of Naori’s infectious laughter.

“Ka!” she repeats, passing him one of her blocks to hold onto until she’ll demand it back a few moments later. 

“Ka-ga-mi.”

“Da!”

Kagami follows Naori’s gaze over to Hikaku standing in the entryway. He can’t help but notice that his elder cousin looks so, so tired. In addition to taking care of his daughter on his own, Kagami knows he’s also dealing with the constant drain of clan politics. Hikaku isn’t yet clan head, though he may as well be. The elders trust him, and he’s well liked by nearly every Uchiha. 

Beyond that, he’s kind. Kagami has never felt like an outsider in his cousin’s home, nor has Hikaku ever encouraged him to exert any kind of influence over Tobirama for the clan’s benefit. 

“Since you’re still here, you might as well stay for dinner,” Hikaku suggests. 

Kagami wonders if Hikaku knows that the newly formed council is meeting tonight. Whenever there’s a meeting, Tobirama comes home late enough that all he wants to do is head to bed without talking. He’d likely try to simply sleep in the hokage’s office if he didn’t know Kagami would find him and drag him by his ear the entire way home.

He gives Hikaku a nod and a thankful smile. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

That evening, after dinner's been eaten and the dishes have been washed and Naori's been given a bath (naturally she decided to wear most of her meal), they sit on the engawa and watch Naori toddle around the backyard under the sunlight's dying rays.

"You've been spending a lot of time here," Hikaku remarks. He's quick to add, "Izumi and I appreciate the help with Naori more than you know. It's just that I want to be sure you aren't avoiding spending time at your own home."

Hikaku has never asked Kagami to explain the time he spent away from Tobirama clearing his head. And Kagami realizes he's never thought to tell Hikaku how much better things are now. "I'm happy with Tobirama," he admits, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. There are people who would take that knowledge and call him a traitor to the Uchiha clan, but he knows Hikaku isn't like that. "We understand each other better now," he adds. 

"Marriage is difficult, even when you're given the freedom to choose your spouse. Kami knows there are times Izumi has driven me to my breaking point," Hikaku remarks. His sharp gaze surveys the treeline, where Naori walks along on shaky, foalish legs. She's completely unbothered by the long shadows cast by the sunset, the way they turn the most harmless objects into something full of menace. "What I mean to say is you don't need to put on a brave face, Kagami," Hikaku continues. "If you're unhappy-"

"Why does everyone have such a hard time believing I'm happy?" Kagami interrupts sharply. "Of course I miss being a shinobi. I miss it every day. But it's not as if it's going to be like this forever."

The silence between them weighs heavily as they both watch Naori instead of looking at each other. Her foot catches on a large root, sending her flying towards the hard ground. Both men tense, ready to swiftly intervene if she's genuinely hurt. But she's quick to brace herself with chubby arms, getting back to her feet and continuing to toddle around, now with dirt and dust coating her. 

"You should consider that you have the favor of the most powerful man in Konoha, you know. Perhaps the world," Hikaku ventures. 

Kagami looks at Hikaku curiously. Other Uchiha have approached him already, some less subtle than others in trying to gauge just how willing Kagami is to ask for favors from Tobirama. He's not offended that Hikaku would ask for something, though he is surprised. 

"What I mean to say is you shouldn't allow yourself to become lost in his shadow."

Kagami decides rather abruptly that he’s heard enough for one night. He doesn’t want to hear what else Hikaku has to say on the subject, not when his thoughts are already so tumultuous no matter how hard he tries to keep them tamped down. He gets to his feet, brushing dirt from his pants. 

“Kagami, I’m sorry if I’ve offended you,” Hikaku says, his tone sincere. He gets to his feet as well, keeping a watchful eye on Naori the entire time.

“No. It’s alright,” Kagami says, not wanting Hikaku to feel bad. He knows his cousin didn’t mean any harm, and he already regrets snapping at him. “I just - I need time to think.”

Hikaku nods, thanking Kagami for his help with Naori and encouraging him to come back soon. Kagami promises he will; even when he’s back to taking missions, he hopes to have time to spend with Hikaku’s family. Naori is growing so fast, and he doesn’t want to ever come to their home to find her a stranger. 

He takes his time walking home through the dim streets of Konoha, knowing that he’ll arrive before Tobirama regardless. He tries not to let the empty apartment weigh on him, reminding himself the moments they have together are all the more cherished for their sparsity. 

And in the morning, he wakes up to find Tobirama already gone, a warm cup of tea cooling on his nightstand offered in apology. 

* * *

“Uncle Kagami!”

Kagami is greeted by a blonde blur running towards him at full force. Tsunade slams into him a moment later, wrapping his legs in a tight embrace. 

“Are you here to play with me?” she asks, peeking up at him with hopeful eyes. 

Kagami smiles down at her, smoothing her hair. “Maybe later, Princess Tsunade. I’m here to talk with your grandmother. Is she here?”

Tsunade pouts for a moment before grabbing Kagami’s hand and pulling him into her home. For someone so young, her grip is surprisingly strong. “Grandma!” she shouts at the top of her lungs. “Kagami is here to see you.”

Kagami’s only spoken to Mito a handful of times. She’s always incredibly poised, intimidatingly so. Even now in the privacy of her own home, not a single red hair is out of place. She emerges to greet them, giving Tsunade a warning look. “Inside voice,” she scolds before turning her gaze to Kagami. “Would you like some tea?”

A few minutes later they find themselves across from each other in the sitting room. Tsunade keeps flitting in and out, trying to gauge whether they’re done so she can snatch Kagami up. Each time, Mito only has to give her a stern look to send her running back off. 

“Thank you for agreeing to see me,” Kagami says. 

Mito sips her tea, giving him a polite nod. “Of course. You’re part of our family.”

An Uzumaki and an Uchiha absorbed into the Senju clan. They’re part of different generations but have so much in common. 

In the months since his conversation with Hikaku, it’s become harder and harder for Kagami to push down his discontent. He’s happy with Tobirama, but he’s also increasingly frustrated with having to sit around idly while everyone around him is so busy with their lives and duties. So he’s thought of coming to the one person who can understand what it’s like to be married to the man who’s bound to the village. Only now in Mito’s presence, it’s difficult to form words. 

“Is something wrong?” she prods gently.

Kagami shakes his head. “Not exactly.” Too late to come up with something else, he realizes that perhaps it’s too soon to ask Mito about her relationship with Hashirama. It’s been less than a year since he passed away, after all. But he can’t invent some other reason for his visit, not when Mito’s dark gaze is studying him so intensely. “I just...I wanted to know how you did it.”

Mito smooths imagined wrinkles from her cream-colored kimono. “How I did what?”

Kagami wipes sweat from his palms. “You know what it’s like to be married to the hokage.”

A trace of a smile forms on Mito’s face. “In that regard, you and I are the only people who know what it’s like,” she says reflectively. She takes a long drink of her tea. “So you want to know how to manage it.” The amused look on her expression grows at Kagami’s clear surprise. “I imagined you’d come to me at some point. I’m only surprised it took this long.”

It’s been just over half a year since Tobirama assumed the position of hokage. Kagami wants to ask how long Mito thought he’d last but doesn’t want to be further embarrassed by her answer. 

“Tobirama’s been doing a fine job as hokage. I’m sure it’s in no small part thanks to your support,” Mito notes. Kagami knows she doesn’t mean anything improper, but heat still rushes to his face.

“He works so hard,” Kagami says. 

“Ah.” Mito eyes the doorway, and Kagami hears the pattering of footsteps as Tsunade once again runs off. “That sounds like Tobirama.”

“He doesn’t let anyone help him,” Kagami continues. He feels guilty for airing his grievances to Mito, but it’s outweighed by the relief that comes with being able to talk to someone who can understand the situation he’s in. “And it’s too much for one person to do on their own.”

“It is,” Mito concurs. “Hashirama was smart enough to realize that.”

It’s strange to hear someone say Hashirama’s name so openly. Among shinobi and civilians alike, it’s still whispered with a kind of reverence. Of course there’d be no place for such worship in the woman married to the god of shinobi, the person who saw him at his most human. 

“Tobirama won’t allow anyone to help him,” Kagami blurts out. “I don’t know if it’s because he’s too controlling or can’t trust anyone to do things to his standards, but he’s trying to take it on all on his own and it isn’t working.”

Mito sips her tea, studying Kagami with a curious expression. 

“I know things seem fine,” Kagami continues. “But he’s going to burn himself out at the rate he’s going. He’d quit eating and sleeping if I didn’t remind him to.”

Mito laughs, tiny pearls of laughter spilling from her lips. She reaches up a hand to stop herself. “Forgive me. You just sound so much like Hashirama. He’d often worry about his younger brother taking work too seriously.”

Kagami looks away. It hardly comforts him to know that the problem he’s facing is ages old. He catches a glimpse of Tsunade in the doorway and gives her a small smile. “In a few minutes,” he mouths to her before turning his attention back to Mito. 

“It’s very kind of you to be worried over Tobirama,” Mito offers apologetically. “I don’t mean to belittle that.”

“I need to do more than worry about him. I need to knock sense into his head,” Kagami replies. 

“Mm,” Mito hums thoughtfully. “If there’s one thing Hashirama and Tobirama shared, it’s a sense of stubbornness. It’s fortunate that they typically agreed with one another.” She hums again, seemingly lost in thought before saying, “I don’t know that Hashirama could have done it without Tobirama.”

“I’ve told him that. He doesn’t listen. He’s resolute in wanting to do everything on his own.”

Mito nods. “Do you think it would help if I spoke to him? I’d be happy to remind him just how much assistance Hashirama had.”

Kagami considers for only a few moments before shaking his head. “Thank you though.” He didn’t expect Mito to have easy answers. More than anything, he needed to talk to someone who understood his situation as well as any person could. 

“Stand your ground,” Mito advises. “In the face of stubbornness, it’s best to have an iron will of your own.” She tilts her head towards the door, and Kagami hears Tsunade giggle. She’s been waiting, if not patiently, for about as long as one could expect from a girl her age. 

He tips his head in respect to Mito before getting up, smiling at Tsunade. He’s come with a pocket full of coins that he’s fully prepared to lose. “Alright, Princess Tsunade. What are we going to play today?” he asks. 

Kagami wishes Hashirama could see the brightness of her smile. 

* * *

Things don’t get better in the months to come, but Kagami holds his ground and sees to it that they don’t get any worse. He constantly reminds Tobirama that he needs to let other people help him. He pesters him into taking breaks to eat and makes sure he comes home at a reasonable hour. 

He sees how the stress has begun to wear on Tobirama, how it often takes him longer and longer to fall asleep at night. Just as there aren’t enough hours in the day, it’s clear that there’s not enough room in one person’s mind for everything the hokage must hold onto. But there’s no one Tobirama trusts as Hashirama once trusted him, no one he’s willing to share the burden with. 

And so they continue on, Kagami letting so much of his time be consumed by taking care of Tobirama. He stays physically fit by sparring with former teammates and relentlessly practicing katas, waiting for the day Tobirama sorts things out for him. Because he’s promised he will, and Kagami has to trust him. 

In less than a few months they’ll have been married for an entire year. The time’s rushed by so quickly that Kagami often wishes he could throw down some kind of anchor, something to ground him firmly in where they are now. 

Because every time he thinks he’s found his bearings, something new emerges. 

Today it’s the fact that he’s woken up to find Tobirama still in bed next to him. Given the sunlight streaming through the bedroom window, Kagami knows it’s not because he’s gotten up early. Rather, Tobirama has slept in late, something that he never does, no matter how little sleep he gets.

“Tobirama,” Kagami says softly, reaching over to shake the elder man by his shoulder. He frowns when his hand touches feverishly hot skin. Kagami sits up and looks over at Tobirama, taking note of the red flush of his cheeks, the sheen of sweat on his face. “Tobirama,” he says more firmly. 

Tobirama’s eyes crack open. “Yes?” he croaks. His voice sounds like coarse rocks being scraped against each other. 

“You should go back to sleep.”

“You got me up to tell me to go back to sleep?” Tobirama blinks tiredness from his eyes. Kagami can see the moment the realization that he’s slept in dawns on him. With two firm hands placed on Tobirama’s chest, Kagami is able to keep him from trying to get up. 

“You’re not going into work today. You’re sick,” Kagami replies. 

Tobirama groans and tries to get up. Normally he’d be able to overpower Kagami, but it’s far too easy to keep him held down. Still, Tobirama protests. “There aren’t sick days for the hokage.”

Kagami narrows his eyes, unamused. “There are now,” he says. Rather graciously, he refrains from pointing out that times like this are the exact reason it would be beneficial to have someone assisting Tobirama with the tasks of being hokage. So there isn’t the possibility of a fever bringing the village’s affairs to a screeching halt. 

Kagami hops out of bed, turning around sharply when he hears the rustling of bedsheets. “Tobirama!” he scolds. “Stay in bed.”

There must be something fierce enough in his gaze to intimidate Tobirama, because his husband actually does as ordered. Kagami gives Tobirama one last warning look before heading out into their kitchen. He’ll make a simple broth, he decides. 

But first he makes a few quick hand signs, and a double of himself appears in a cloud of smoke. “Go to Tobirama’s office and make sure everyone knows he’s not coming to work today,” he tells his clone. 

When he returns to their bedroom, Tobirama has drifted back into a feverish sleep. Kagami sighs, setting the broth on the nightstand and leaving to return with a damp cloth. He sits down in bed next to Tobirama, pulling the blanket back up over him and dabbing sweat from his forehead. “Rest,” he says softly. 

Tobirama doesn’t wake up again until late that afternoon. His fever’s broken, but he’s still weak. “Kagami,” he says, blinking confusion from his eyes. “I had the worst dream - that I was sick and you made me stay home and-”

“Mm,” Kagami hums, silencing Tobirama with a finger pressed to his lips. “Not a dream.” His hands move to press firmly on Tobirama’s chest when his husband tries to get out of bed. “You’ve spent the day resting, and the village hasn’t collapsed. Do you know why?”

Tobirama continues to push against Kagami, so he allows him to get up into a sitting position. “But I was supposed to meet with the head of the Hyuga clan today and finalize the-”

“Because there are people who are more than capable of helping you,” Kagami continues patiently. “People like Hiruzen and Koharu and Homura, who you yourself trained. I don’t care if you’re too stubborn to let them help you with daily tasks, but at least find someone who can assist you when emergencies come up.”

To his surprise, Tobirama doesn’t argue. Maybe he’s too tired, or too exhausted to argue. “Perhaps you have a point.”

The same point he’s been making for nearly a year, but Kagami decides not to point that out. He grabs a damp cloth from the bedside table and wipes sweat from Tobirama’s forehead. “Do you think you’ll be able to keep broth down?” he asks gently. 

“Have you spent the entire day taking care of me?” Tobirama asks. 

Kagami smiles. “Someone needs to.”

He leaves and returns with a bowl of broth reheated with careful control of a simple katon jutsu. Tobirama’s maneuvered himself into a more comfortable seated position, plush pillows supporting him. He’s deathly pale, the red marks on his face a sharp contrast to the pallor of his skin. But he seems awake and alert, and Kagami decides they won’t need to call for a medic nin to check him over. 

“I’m serious,” Kagami says as he crawls back into bed, passing the warm bowl over to Tobirama. “You’re trying to do too much on your own, and I’m tired of telling you. You can’t take one day off without worrying that everything will fall apart. It’s not fair to you or me.”

Tobirama eyes the broth with disinterest. Under Kagami’s watchful gaze, he takes a spoonful and for the most part hides a grimace at the taste. He takes a few more spoonfuls, then sets the bowl aside and turns his gaze towards Kagami. “I’ve been managing,” he defends. 

“You deserve to do more than just manage.”

“Hashirama entrusted me to take care of Konoha.”

Hashirama’s name hangs between the two of them, tangible enough that Kagami could reach out and pluck it from the air. He can’t remember the last time hearing it spoken from Tobirama’s lips, and it’s that realization that makes him understand. Tobirama, logical to a fault, is unable to see sense on this issue because familial sentiments cloud his judgment. 

A tiny smile tugs on Kagami’s lips. He reaches forward, taking one of Tobirama’s hands in his own, tracing the deep lines on his palm. “And perhaps he entrusted me to take care of you,” he suggests. 

Whatever trace of vulnerability Kagami saw on Tobirama’s face moments ago is gone, locked deep down, but it’s enough for him to know it’s there. It’s enough to know for now that Tobirama isn’t just being stubborn. Deep down, there’s a messy web of grief and loyalty that they’ll have to work together to untangle. 

It’s fortunate that Kagami doesn’t plan to go anywhere. 

* * *

Kagami has barely seen Tobirama in the past few weeks. There are apologetically delivered excuses about an important matter taking up a great deal of time, though Tobirama claims he’s unable to explain further. 

Which is why it’s surprising when he comes home to find Tobirama already there, something that’s happened only a handful of times in recent months. 

There’s no stack of paperwork on the table. Only a plain black box tied with a dark velvet ribbon. 

Tobirama hugs him from behind, and Kagami relaxes into the embrace, taking comfort in the familiar way the elder man can envelop him. “Happy anniversary,” Tobirama murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of Kagami’s head. 

Their anniversary. It’s not that Kagami’s forgotten. It’s just that he hadn’t imagined Tobirama would remember. “But I didn’t get you anything,” Kagami protests. He’d assumed Tobirama wouldn’t either, and now he’s left feeling guilty for being empty handed. 

“You’ve given me the last year,” Tobirama replies without hesitation. “It’s more than enough.” He releases Kagami from their embrace. “Now are you going to open your present?”

Kagami eyes Tobirama curiously. “Can I have a hint?” he asks. He picks up the box, finding it heavier than expected given its slender profile. His fingers caress the velvet ribbon, teasing the knot that keeps it bound. 

“It’s something you’ve been waiting for for quite some time,” Tobirama says, the cryptic hint meaning nothing to Kagami. “Go ahead. See what’s inside.”

Kagami carefully undoes the velvet ribbon, letting it fall to the ground. He opens the lid of the box, furrowing his brow as he views what it contains. Inside is a porcelain mask subtly shaped to resemble a wolf’s face, enhanced with deep red and black markings. Kagami blinks in confusion, looking to Tobirama for explanation. 

Tobirama offers him a tight smile. “Welcome to Anbu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, there are only three more chapters left. Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. I love reading your comments and hope you continue to enjoy the way the story unfolds.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll, I forgot to mention last chapter that my friend Zu made fanart! Please go check it out [here](https://azuzeldraws.tumblr.com/post/634340878198145024/some-lovely-kagatobi-im-in-love-with-this-rare) and drop them a like or comment!

Tobirama is often left to reflect on how if edo tensei wasn’t a jutsu he’d decided to forbid, he’d summon his elder brother back from the dead just to beat him over the head with the sizable mess he’d left behind. 

Hashirama had never possessed the right mindset to manage the day-to-day tasks that come with keeping a village running smoothly. Even before Konoha, when he’d just been responsible for the Senju clan, he’d been more drawn towards lofty ideals and grand declarations than practicalities. Tobirama had known all of this, yet trusted his brother with the novel task of leading a shinobi village with only minimal supervision. 

So in many regards, the mess Tobirama now finds himself tangled in is one of his own making. 

It’s clear in hindsight to Tobirama that Hashirama’s way of asking for help with something he didn’t understand was setting something on Tobirama’s desk and asking that it be done for him. Tobirama had been too willing to believe that Hashirama simply had too many things demanding his attention (which, in all fairness, was also likely true) and that trying to explain abstract concepts like the exchange of currency for goods and services would have been a waste of both of their times. 

Though now as Tobirama is left alone to sort through mountains of debts and loans, of laws and declarations so poorly woven it’s a wonder no one’s challenged them yet, he’s left to wonder how he allowed things to fall into this state. 

There were times when Tobirama had to become less involved in helping Hashirama. They’d been short on jounin in the early years. Even those who were entirely unfit for teaching were required to mentor groups of genin, a mistake they’re now beginning to fully realize as the new generation of jounin begin to take students of their own. Tobirama had made sure to carefully train each of his students, to do his best to give each of them what he’d thought they’d needed. While he doesn’t doubt that any of them are now more than capable of mentoring students of their own, it’s clear that he spent his time with them at the cost of leaving Hashirama to his own devices for far too long. 

And now these mistakes have become so woven into the fabric of Konoha that Tobirama often wonders if trying to rectify them won’t bring everything toppling down. 

This is the kind of work that Tobirama once would have loved doing. Where Hashirama was only able to see the larger picture, Tobirama had been the one to research and plan, to carefully sculpt the systems that have formed the structure of Konoha. That was back when their village had been no more than a dozen clans, a few hundred people at most. Now Konoha has swelled to house thousands of people, and the systems that one worked for a small group of shinobi have been strained under the unexpected burden. 

Now Tobirama feels like he’s been handed some impossible task in trying to fix what’s broken while also working to accomplish the daily work necessary to keep the village running. It’s made worse by Kagami constantly telling him he’s trying to do too much, when the reality is he’s barely doing enough. 

Today he’s studying a trade proposal from Suna. The kazekage is scattered in how he writes, making it next to impossible to determine what he’s actually suggesting, let alone if it’s something that actually has any kind of benefit to Konoha. If Tobirama had someone he trusted to handle things like this, he’d gladly pass them off. But if he can’t understand this, he knows it won’t make any sense to anyone else. And so he tries to push through the headache brewing behind his temples as he sifts through the scattered musings of the kazekage for the upteenth time.

He still hasn’t made any progress on deciphering the proposal when Touka saunters into his office with all the confidence gained from finishing a difficult mission early. Quite early, Tobirama realizes. He expected his cousin to be gone for at least a month, and it hasn’t been more than two weeks since she left the Hidden Leaf. 

She removes her clay mask and sets it down on Tobirama’s desk, the fierce likeness of a snarling leopard’s face no longer concealing her familiar features. Her eyebrows are raised, her lips quirked up in a tight grin. She’s clearly satisfied with herself. “Too easy,” she says, forgoing a proper greeting as she drops a sealed scroll in front of him. “It would have been enough to send a regular jounin.”

Tobirama unrolls the paper but glances only briefly at Touka’s scratchy handwriting before determining that she’s written enough and he won’t have to hound her for further details later. He’ll read more later, he decides. Maybe Touka was right and this mission would have been better assigned to a skilled jounin. He’ll have to think more carefully before sending her out on her next assignment or she’ll be offended that he thinks too little of her skills.

He looks up when the chakra signature in front of him changes suddenly and blinks, surprised to see Kagami standing before him. He’s wearing the same Anbu uniform as Touka, scaled down to fit his smaller stature. The mask that Touka (no, Tobirama mentally corrects, it was Kagami) set down now bears a wolf’s likeness. 

Tobirama is far too tired for whatever this is. 

Kagami barely gives him a moment to find his bearings before saying, “I tricked you.”

“Kagami-”

“You’re the best sensor in the entire village and even you couldn’t detect something wrong with the illusion I put you under.” Kagami crosses his arms over his chest. There’s a smug, satisfied look in his eyes, though the corners of his mouth are turned down. He’s clearly come prepared for an argument. 

If Tobirama didn’t sense a storm brewing, he would have been proud of Kagami for creating such a seamless illusion and curious as to how long he’s able to maintain it. 

Instead, he says, “For no more than a minute.”

“I could have let it go on longer, but I know how you value your time,” Kagami says pointedly.

Tobirama refrains from pointing out that whatever this display is, it’s certainly been a waste of his time. He keeps his expression neutral as he debates returning to the papers in front of him. 

Kagami narrows his eyes before continuing, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. "It's been three months, Tobirama. I'm more than ready to go out."

“If you think you’ve proven your case with some parlor trick-”

“Parlor trick? I’d like to see anyone else do what I just did.”

“-then you’re mistaken. We'll talk about this later."

Kagami’s chakra has quickly spooled into a roiling mess that’s all too reminiscent of another Uchiha of whom Tobirama has less than fond memories. "We'll talk about this now,” Kagami insists.

Tobirama holds back the impulse to tell Kagami to calm down, instead saying, "I'm in the middle of something."

It doesn't serve as a deterrent to Kagami. He leans forward, hands resting on the edge of Tobirama's desk. "I'm ready, Tobirama,” he says stubbornly. “I don’t know why you won’t send me out.”

It’s a fair assessment to say that Kagami’s waited. Anbu was only a few months old when Tobirama brought him into it, no more than a handful of shinobi. In the last few months, their numbers have grown to a few dozen: shinobi from clans and civilian families alike, all with different skills and specialities that lend themselves to the kind of work that Anbu will perform.

Tobirama makes sure each one of them is fully prepared before sending them out. There’s additional training and strict physical requirements that he’s developed. Few who make the rank of jounin could pass the tests he makes Anbu agents go through before deeming them ready. 

And Kagami’s all too quickly passed them all. 

So far Kagami’s work has involved screening shinobi who return home, thoroughly sweeping through the corners of their mind to make sure there’s no trace of foreign jutsu. But there’s a Yamanaka who can do the same (though not half as seamlessly; people often express their amazement at how gently Kagami can reach fully into someone’s mind) in the event of Kagami’s absence. 

The truth, in all its irrational sentimentality, is that Tobirama isn’t ready to let Kagami go, not when he’s all too aware of the kind of work Anbu agents do and how many of them have already died. But what he says instead is, “No mission’s come up that requires your particular set of skills.”

“You’re stalling,” Kagami accuses.

Kagami’s chakra is thick and heavy, and Tobirama has to make an effort to dull his sensory skill, to reduce his awareness to an unpleasant hum. All the same, it aggravates the pain that’s already forming in his temples. 

For lack of a better answer when confronted with the truth, Tobirama repeats, "We can talk about this later.”

"We will." Kagami’s words echo through the room, a clear promise and a threat in equal measures. 

* * *

Like all shinobi who manage to stay sane over time, Tobirama and Kagami are good at compartmentalizing their lives. Still, Tobirama knows that he’s invited their disagreement into their home. It doesn’t surprise him when he enters their apartment later that evening to find the air thick with Kagami’s irritation. 

At least now it’s not an ambush. It doesn’t make the matter any easier. 

He finds Kagami in their kitchen, poking at something on the stovetop. Based solely on the smell, Tobirama has no more than a few minutes to salvage this attempt at a meal. And so he approaches without hesitation, coming to a stop behind Kagami. He reaches forward, his hand wrapping around Kagami’s to take the spoon from him. 

Kagami concedes his grip. This close, Tobirama can see how tightly coiled he is. He clearly expects another verbal sparring match. What Kagami doesn’t know is that Tobirama doesn’t have the energy nor the desire to fight, though he’s always found his words a poor balm for hurt feelings. He resolves to try regardless.

But not before Kagami can beat him to it. “I’m angry with you, Tobirama,” he says bluntly. 

Tobirama is all too used to disappointing people. He takes a moment to stir the contents of the skillet, reaching with his free hand to turn down the heat before saying, “I understand.”

"I don't think you do. I was patient for a year while you figured things out.”

A year was impossibly generous, yet only long enough to begin untangling the nightmare Hashirama left behind for him. Tobirama wants to explain to Kagami how there were so many things his brother didn’t understand, and that he’d forged ahead rather than ask for help. Or perhaps he’d tried to ask and Tobirama had scolded him for not doing enough on his own. But when he tries to find the words to criticize his elder brother, the words lodge somewhere in his chest, a heavy weight he can’t release.

And regardless, it’s as it always has been. Hashirama’s messes are his headaches. 

“And I’ve passed every single readiness test that you’ve created,” Kagami continues. “There’s no reason that I get to do nothing more than make sure no one’s been compromised when they return home from missions.”

With his hand not stirring their dinner, Tobirama reaches to grab the handle of the skillet for better purchase. He’s essentially trapped Kagami in an awkward embrace, one that Kagami could easily shunshin himself out of if he truly wanted. But he doesn’t, and Tobirama takes that as some sign of hope. 

“What you do is important,” Tobirama ventures. “You’re-”

“Can you not talk down to me? The work you do is important. The work I do is something anyone inclined towards genjutsu could learn.”

Tobirama turns his attention to the charred remains in the skillet. He can’t even hazard a guess as to what they once were, so he turns off the burner. But neither of them move out of the awkward embrace they’ve found themselves in. 

“You’re a good fighter, but you’re better at genjutsu,” Tobirama says. "The kind of assignment that would best utilize your talents would likely be something long term in another hidden village."

Kagami relaxes, but only slightly, coming to lean against Tobirama’s chest. “You’re upset that I would be gone for so long.”

"I'm worried that you'd be walking into an incredibly dangerous situation. You wouldn't be able to let your guard down for even a moment."

"I could do it."

"I know you could."

Kagami steps out of Tobirama's embrace and makes a few quick hand signs. A shadow clone emerges, takes one look at the mess on their stovetop, and with a knowing frown leaves to fetch them something to eat. 

Kagami turns back to Tobirama. He chews his lower lip for a moment before saying, "I've been a shinobi since I was twelve. Before I was your husband, I was a jounin. Besides Hiruzen, I know that no one my age has done more S-rank missions, and that’s even after taking into account that I haven’t done anything this past year. I'm not meant to be stuck here doing next to nothing."

The words stick in Tobirama's throat. It's hard to admit that most days he feels as though everything expected of him could so easily consume him. Having to worry about Kagami's wellbeing would be enough to overturn the fraught balance he's found. 

It's uncanny the way Kagami is able to read his thoughts. "Do you think I don't worry about you when you're called away?"

It's only happened a handful of times in the past year. Tobirama's longest absence was the five kage summit. He can still remember the way Kagami flew into his arms the moment he walked through their apartment door and feel the crushing weight of his embrace. When he returned home another time with blood on his armor, Kagami was relentless, wanting to know what had happened sooner than Tobirama could explain that the blood wasn't his. 

Walking into dangerous situations is nothing new. Having someone to welcome him home is unfamiliar, though not unwelcome. 

"I know you're competent,” Tobirama says.

"And that I've been patient,” Kagami adds. 

"And that you've been patient,” Tobirama repeats. For good measure, he adds, “And that you're better than anyone else at genjutsu."

Kagami's lips quirk up in the slightest of smiles. His chakra is still tightly coiled, though lighter now. "I really did trick you earlier."

It's worrisome to think how good Kagami's become. That, or Tobirama's growing dull with age. Surely Madara is laughing at him from behind the grave. Knowing it’s a weightier promise than he ought to give, Tobirama says, “I promise to find something for you soon.”

* * *

Tobirama’s had a month to mentally prepare himself, but it’s still so strange to see Kagami standing in front of him with Touka and Danzo, the three of them ready to receive the details of their assignment. 

The Hidden Leaf has spies in every other shinobi village, even those they have the strongest relationships with. Recently, one of their spies in Kiri went silent, missing three consecutive check-ins. One would have been suspicious, and two concerning. Three is too many to ignore. 

He tries not to study Kagami as he explains the details of the assignment. They’re to get in, find out what’s happened, and bring home Konoha’s asset if they’re still alive. It goes without saying that no one should know they’re there, though Tobirama makes sure to say it anyway. 

Touka’s taken missions that have put her in Kiri before. Danzo is clever, adept in the face of unclear situations like the one they’ll be walking into. And Kagami, with his sharingan and aptitude for genjutsu, is a versatile asset to their team. 

Travel will take a few weeks. Their assignment will take anywhere from days to weeks. Tobirama makes sure that all three of them understand.

Kagami hesitates for only a moment before nodding. 

* * *

The night before Kagami is set to leave, he curls into Tobirama’s side in their bed, resting his head on the elder man’s chest. “You’re angry with me,” he says. 

Tobirama, sensing that sleep will have to wait until they’ve finished this conversation, cracks his eyes open. “I’m not angry with you.”

"It's a simple mission and I'll be home within a few weeks."

"I know you will be."

Kagami lifts his head, staring at Tobirama with an intensity bordering on unnerving. "Tobirama. I can tell when you're upset. I wish you'd just tell me why."

Tobirama doesn’t have an acceptable reason to be upset. Kagami is a shinobi who he trained himself. He knows precisely how capable Kagami is. The risk Kagami’s taking is one he’s knowingly agreed to.

"It's alright to say you'll miss me. I miss you when you're gone, you know," Kagami offers. 

"I'll miss you," Tobirama repeats, testing the words out. They feel strange in his mouth. He can’t remember the last time he allowed himself to hold someone close enough that he’d miss them when they were gone. 

Kagami seems to be waiting for him to say something else. When silence hangs between the two of them instead, Kagami continues, “I’ll try to return home to you as soon as I can. And while I’m gone, you need to remember to take breaks for meals. And don’t bring work home with you every night. And-”

“Are you sure you trust me to manage without you?”

Kagami gives Tobirama a wry smile. “I may have told Hiruzen he needs to check up on you from time to time while I’m gone.”

“Saru? He’ll be lost without you and Danzo.”

“All the more reason for him to keep an eye on you.”

Tobirama exhales, trying not to think about how often his former student will be barging into his workspace to make sure he’s taking care of himself. “You should get some sleep,” he advises Kagami. “You’re going to have a long day ahead of you tomorrow.”

Kagami hums in agreement. “I’ll miss you, Tobirama.”

Unsaid words hang between the two of them. The few Tobirama chooses are, “I’ll miss you too, Kagami.”

* * *

Tobirama can’t remember a time when he lived alone. Hashirama wouldn’t allow it when they first established Konoha, justifying his actions by saying that he needed Tobirama close. It was a transparent excuse that Tobirama could have torn apart, but he chose not to. Those early days had been a matter of choosing battles with his elder brother. 

And so he’d always imagined that he’d like living on his own, having a home that was an extension of his workspace, free from other distractions.

He's taken for granted what it means to have someone to come home to. 

Tobirama had imagined that with Kagami gone, he’d be able to get more done, to finally catch up on things put off for far too long and return to working on the development of new jutsu. What he hadn’t realized was how much time would be spent worrying about Kagami. It only takes a momentary lapse of focus for his thoughts to shift.

He trusts Touka. He knows how skilled Danzo is. He knows Kagami’s ready. It’s a mantra he repeats without finding any kind of relief. 

* * *

Kagami’s been gone for only two weeks when someone first confronts Tobirama about it. 

The existence of Anbu isn’t publicized, but it’s not kept secret either. What Tobirama makes sure is closely guarded are the identities of the shinobi behind the porcelain masks. The council of elders isn’t happy that this new group exists, though after several lengthy discussions that went in circles for endless hours, they reluctantly came to agree that Anbu has its purpose. 

Anbu reports to the hokage and the hokage alone. Tobirama didn’t need to disclose to the elders his plan to put Kagami in Anbu. It’s an important part of the arrangement that identities are kept secret. Still, Kagami’s prolonged absence is more than enough to raise suspicion, especially after he’s become such a fixed figure in the village. 

Which is why it doesn’t surprise Tobirama when an Uchiha comes to visit him in his office. He recognizes Hikaku, having met him a few times for Kagami’s sake. It’s rumored that with a few more years of experience, he’ll likely become the next Uchiha clan head. More importantly, he’s a friend to Kagami. Kagami calls the man his cousin, though as is true with most large clans, this can imply a close familial relationship or a distant shared ancestor. 

“Lord Hokage,” Hikaku says, bowing his head briefly in respect. 

Hearing Hashirama’s title sets Tobirama on edge. “Lord Second is fine,” he says. Given that Hikaku is a close friend to Kagami, they could reasonably dispense with formalities altogether, though Tobirama finds himself preferring the distance they provide.

Hikaku nods. “My apologies.”

Tobirama gestures for Hikaku to sit down across from him and nods for him to continue. 

“I wanted to warn you,” Hikaku begins. His dark eyes meet Tobirama’s. “Kagami comes to visit me a few times a week. You see, my daughter’s taken a liking to him and she’s been rather upset that he hasn’t been around.”

“You came to warn me about an upset child?” Tobirama asks, his voice flat. 

Hikaku shakes his head, expression clouding. “I came to tell you that my daughter isn’t the only one who’s noticed Kagami’s absence.”

The silence between them is weighty, loaded with assumptions and mistrust. Tobirama has to fight against the instinct to look away from Hikaku as he says, “I don’t control how Kagami spends his time.”

“But you do control Anbu.”

Tobirama keeps his expression guarded as he considers the accusation laid before him. That the Uchiha clan would be upset is something he hasn’t considered, though perhaps he should have. Given how low they think of him, it’s entirely possible that they’re under the impression he forced Kagami into something. 

“You know I can’t discuss this with you,” Tobirama says. 

“I imagined you’d be more willing to discuss Kagami’s wellbeing,” Hikaku replies, his tone measured. When met with silence, he continues. “I only wanted to warn you. The elders of our clan pay less attention to Kagami, but they’ll notice sooner rather than later that he’s absent. You’ll want to think of something to tell them.” Hikaku stands, looking dissatisfied even after saying his piece. “I won’t waste any more of your time. Kagami’s told me how busy you are, Lord Second.”

The title sounds like an insult on the Uchiha’s lips. Tobirama grits his teeth to withhold his initial reply. He could let the conversation end, let Hikaku walk out of his office. It shouldn’t matter what one Uchiha thinks of him, not when he knows how little the clan thinks of him. 

But Hikaku is someone precious to Kagami, and perhaps that’s what drives Tobirama to say, “Hikaku.”

The Uchiha stops, his expression annoyed but curious. 

“This is what Kagami wanted. I made sure he’s ready,” Tobirama says. 

Hikaku gives a small nod of understanding. “Can I tell my daughter when she might expect to see him again?”

“At least a few more weeks. Possibly a month or longer.”

There’s no disappointment or anger on Hikaku’s face. Only traces of a weariness that feels all too familiar. “I can try to keep the elders pacified, but know that it’ll only be temporary,” Hikaku says. “Sooner or later they’ll demand an explanation from you, and they’ll be less willing to accept that this is what Kagami wants.”

Tobirama nods. “I understand. Thank you.”

He’s not naive enough to call Hikaku a friend, perhaps not even an ally. But it feels like the smallest weight lifted from his shoulders to know that he’s not the only one looking after Kagami.

* * *

Perhaps Tobirama hasn’t been getting out around the village often enough. The woman at the flower shop looks as though she’s seen a ghost when he walks through the entryway. “Lord Second,” she says, tacking a hasty bow onto the words. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Kagami’s been gone for nearly a month. The weight of missing him feels like an ever-present force pressing on Tobirama’s chest and, more importantly, making it next to impossible to concentrate on anything else. 

“The flowers Kagami normally picks up,” he says, fishing around in his pocket for a handful of coins. 

The woman looks relieved by the familiar request. “Just a moment,” she promises. “I put his regular order together a few days ago. I was worried when he didn’t show up to get it.”

If the shopkeeper expects Tobirama to volunteer any kind of information, she quickly realizes that it won’t happen. She disappears in the back of the store for a minute, returning with an overflowing bouquet of pale pink blossoms. “Wild roses,” she explains. “He says his mother was always fond of them.”

With a few words of thanks (and barely holding back a remark about the exorbitant amount Kagami regularly pays for flowers), Tobirama is on his way. 

It’s not meant to be a sentimental visit. He’s never found purpose in visiting the graves of those he’s lost. Not his mother’s as a small child, nor his brothers’ when he grew a bit older. Konoha’s cemetery is a vast space that he’s visited only a handful of times, typically to make a brief appearance at a memorial service. 

The sky is overcast, light rain quickly seeping into the heavy fabric of his clothing. Understandably, there are few people present today. Tobirama glances only briefly in the direction of Hashirama’s grave before taking off in the opposite direction towards the plot owned by the Uchiha. 

It takes him a minute to find Kagami’s mother’s grave. It’s small and unassuming, nothing more than a simple stone. Tobirama brushes dirt from it before setting the flowers down. It occurs to him that he should say something, though he has no idea what. 

And so he stands back up, brushing dirt from his clothing. He glances back towards Hashirama’s grave for a lingering moment before using hiraishin to take himself back home.

* * *

Thankfully, it’s no more than a week longer before Kagami’s mission team returns. Time seems to slow to a crawl while he listens to Touka describe the details of their mission. He needs to focus on Touka’s debriefing, but he wants to focus on Kagami, to ask if he’s injured or tired. At least his chakra feels bright, free-flowing and strong. 

Touka slams her mission report down on his desk rather forcefully. “If that’s how you want to be, you can read it all on your own time and ask me questions later,” she says. Her eyes are narrowed, but she looks more amused than genuinely upset. “It’s been a long trip home. I’d rather get some rest than watch you make lovesick eyes at your husband.”

She waves for Danzo to follow her out of the room. Danzo gives Kagami a smug smirk that brings a blush to Kagami’s face before tailing after. Once the two of them are gone, Tobirama is able to focus solely on Kagami. He’s dustry from travel, but that seems to be the worst of it. 

Kagami smiles, his joy uncontained now that the two of them are alone. “Did you miss me?” he asks. 

“I told you I would.” Tobirama gets up from his desk, moving to wrap Kagami in a long-desired embrace. 

“Don't. I haven’t bathed yet,” Kagami insists, though he doesn’t protest further when Tobirama wraps his arms around him. 

“I don’t mind,” Tobirama replies, resting his chin on the top of Kagami’s head. 

Kagami relaxes into the embrace, leaning heavily on Tobirama. “I missed you so much. I tried not to be gone any longer than I needed to be.”

Given the amount of time it takes to travel to and from Kiri, the three of them worked quickly. “You all did well,” Tobirama agrees. 

They stay locked in their embrace for a long few minutes, just the two of them. Tobirama focuses on the comforting rhythm of Kagami’s breathing, the warm sensation of his chakra, and the firm weight pressed against him. They’re alive and together, and for those who live as shinobi there’s not much more they can rightfully ask for. 

Kagami is the one to step out of Tobirama’s arms. “I have a few things I should do now that I’m back,” he says. “And I really should clean up. I’ll see you back at home later tonight? I promise I won’t try to cook.”

Tobirama finds himself all too willing to leave his mountain of work and go with Kagami just this once. But there’s a meeting with the academy instructors to review the curriculum in a few hours, plus the stack of tasks he can’t put off doing. Had he been able to foresee the day Kagami would return him, he would have made sure his schedule was cleared. 

“You don’t need to rush home,” Kagami adds. “I promised Naori that I’d come see her as soon as I got back. She’ll want me to stay for a few hours at least.”

“Naori is Hikaku’s daughter?”

Kagami nods. “And Tsunade will be upset that I haven’t been around to play cards with her. Do you think she’ll forgive me if I wait until tomorrow to go see her?”

“Don’t worry. I’ve been going to see her to make sure she has money for sweets.”

Kagami smiles up at Tobirama, taking his hands and holding them tightly. It looks as though there’s something he wants to say, but instead he tilts his head up, a gesture that’s familiar to Kagami. 

Tobirama obliges him, dipping his head for a lingering kiss. 

* * *

Though Tobirama doesn’t often find himself taking missions anymore, he remembers far too well what it was like to be away for weeks on end. It’s why he stops at a food stall on his way home, getting ample portions of several of Kagami’s favorites. 

The fact that his hands are full doesn’t stop Kagami from running at him full force as soon as he enters the door, wrapping him in the tightest of hugs. 

“It’s only been a few hours,” Tobirama says wryly, letting the bags of steaming food drop to the floor so he can awkwardly return Kagami’s embrace. 

“You left flowers for my mother,” Kagami says, his voice muffled against Tobirama’s chest. 

“I know it’s important to you,” Tobirama replies. 

Kagami says something else, but it’s so soft and muffled that Tobirama can’t make it out. He doesn’t ask Kagami to repeat himself, instead being content to hold him close. 

The two of them spend the night together. There’s no talk of Kagami’s mission or the work Tobirama is trying to keep up with (though Kagami does ask how Tobirama’s progressing on his new clone jutsu, and Tobirama is relieved that he can be truthful when saying there’s been none). They go to bed early, but only after Tobirama massages every sore muscle of Kagami’s. 

And for a few days they have peace. Then Kagami asks when he can go out on an assignment again.

* * *

Their lives take on a new rhythm. Kagami takes mission after mission, completing them all without so much as a scratch. Sometimes he’s gone for days, other times weeks. Thankfully, no absence proves as long as the first.

For Tobirama, it’s impossible to focus when Kagami’s away. But when Kagami is there, the Uchiha is so much happier. And so he tries to remember the year that Kagami gave him and pushes through the worry, the doubt, and the unsettling feeling of sending someone into danger when he wants nothing more than to protect them.. 

Something shifts the first time Kagami comes home hurt with his wrist in a splint. It doesn’t matter how many times he explains to Tobirama what happened: they were coming home, there was a heavy downpour, and he slipped in the mud, landing poorly and spraining his wrist. It’s such a small injury that it takes a medic less than five minutes to repair. 

But Tobirama can’t stop thinking about what could have happened, of injuries that could have been so much worse. It doesn’t matter that Kagami hasn’t been touched by an enemy. His streak of good fortune is a challenge as the reputation of the shinobi behind the wolf’s mask grows. 

Tobirama is certain of two things. The first is that he can’t ask Kagami to give up Anbu. The second is that he can’t go on like this. 

And so that night in their bed he presents Kagami with a small piece of paper, no larger than the palm of his hand. His hiraishin mark, ready to be transferred to any object. “I’d like you to consider this,” he says quietly, watching Kagami to see how he’ll react. 

Kagami studies the piece of paper, tracing the symbol with light fingers. “This is because I got hurt?” he asks. He doesn’t sound angry, just curious. 

“This is because I’d like to know that I’m always able to protect you.” Tobirama hesitates, then adds, “It can go somewhere discreet. A place that’s easy to cover.”

Kagami rolls the paper around his wrist, studying how it’ll fit. “It could go here?” he asks. 

“Or your shoulder. Your stomach. Your-”

“Tobirama, I don’t care if your mark is where everyone can see,” Kagami interrupts. “I only care that you think it matters.” He exhales slowly. “And I suppose that you think I need protection.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

Tobirama looks down, studying his hands. The words that neither of them have said, though by now he’s more than certain they both hold them true. 

“I love you, Kagami.” He looks up, meeting Kagami’s dark eyes. “I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”

The seconds it takes Kagami to respond feel like an eternity. “I love you too, Tobirama.” He leans forward, pressing their lips together in a long, slow kiss. “And that’s why I don’t care if your mark is where everyone can see,” he breathes against Tobirama’s lips. “I’m yours. I don’t care who knows.”

And so Tobirama takes Kagami’s wrist, infusing the mark with his chakra. When he lets go, the piece of paper falls away, revealing the mark transferred to skin. 

“You’ll be able to find me now, no matter where I am?” Kagami asks. 

“I will,” Tobirama promises.

The jutsu he once developed as a counterattack to an Uchiha’s unparalleled speed, now being used to protect the Uchiha he loves. 

It won’t be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things. First, I'm sorry this chapter took so long. December was a killer month. I hope ya'll are all well as we head into the new year. Second, if you haven't noticed already, we have gone from 10 to 12 total chapters. Long story short, everything that happens in this chapter (plus a few more things) was supposed to happen back in the previous chapter. Clearly that DID NOT work so...the story's gotten just a bit longer! I hope you'll still bear with me. Your comments make me so happy, and I look forward to continuing telling this story in 2021.


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